


Shadow of Blue

by Aerys_Krystie



Category: Four Brothers (2005)
Genre: M/M, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-13
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-14 10:06:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 80,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13005423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aerys_Krystie/pseuds/Aerys_Krystie
Summary: Fix-fic. Jack joining the Mercer home and coming to terms with how they are and being accepted for who he is. Eventual B/J.





	1. Chapter I

**~Shadow of Blue~**

 

 **By:** Aerys Krystie

 **Theme:** AU.

 **Plot:** Jack arrives at the Mercers’ home and has a hard time fitting in, with nightmares keeping him awake at night and his brothers that scare him a little.

 **Warnings:** Implied child abuse, eventual slash and OOC.

 **Disclaimer:** Everything of and referring to Four Brothers is not mine. This is a fan-based, non-profit story. Please support the official release.

 

oOo

**Age 11**

The house was warm against the nip in the air outside. It was quiet, aside from a soft groan that came from up the stairs. The woman standing by his side looked down at him and smiled warmly, explaining that she had three other sons. He nodded mutely, barely raising his head as he continued to stare at the floor.

This was the eighth foster home he had been in, since he was removed from his family at the age of seven. Each one was worse than the last, somehow. He had no idea how it could get worse, but he learned that if he kept quiet and to himself, he wouldn’t be hurt too badly. That’s how it started. Unfortunately, his ability to keep quiet usually meant that the pain got worse, as they wanted a reaction from him.

Evelyn Mercer was his new case worker. She hadn’t been like the others, which seemed overworked and didn’t care where he was, as long as he was under a roof. She had tried to talk with him and get him to say something, but he couldn’t bring himself to even look at her, let alone say something. She had held her hands out to him, showing that she had nothing in them and he had stared at the hands, pulling his feet onto the chair more, wanting to make himself as small as possible. She had said that everything would be okay and he would be safe.

That had been earlier that day and now he was in her house. She explained that her second oldest son, Jeremiah was home sick with mono. She asked if he wanted to see his room and he gave no response. She told him to follow upstairs, anyway so she could at least point out where things were. He gripped the strap of his backpack more tightly and trailed behind her.

At the top of the stairs, she pointed to a room that had the door opened and said that was her room. She opened the door to another and said that that room was his. He nodded and shuffled in, glancing around with a lowered head. He saw a bed, a closet and a tallboy, which wasn’t wedged into the corner. He knew he was only a guest there and tried not to touch anything.

Evelyn watched him, eyes soft with compassion as the child in the room had yet to look up or utter a sound. She told him that she needed to check on Jeremiah and the boy just nodded.

Once alone, Jack remained where he was. He didn’t know what to do and he didn’t want them to hurt him for doing something he wasn’t meant to. So, he just stood by the bed and slowly raised his head to look out the window that overlooked the street. It wasn’t the _worst_ neighborhood to live in, but it was by far not the nicest, either. He lowered his head again, staring at his ratty shoes.

He could hear Evelyn speaking gently with her sick son. Jeremiah sounded as though he was dying, which he claimed he was and Evelyn told him sternly that he wasn’t. The front door slammed shut and there was pounding feet on the stairs. Jack froze, praying that if he stayed still, he wouldn’t be noticed. He wasn’t, as the new person went straight to Jeremiah’s room and spoke to Evelyn about his day, while apparently giving Jeremiah his homework.

Jeremiah begged for the other to be quiet, in a hoarse voice. The other just laughed loudly and told Jeremiah that it was his fault he was sick. “We all told ya that she was no good,” the other said and Jack knew the others were teenagers.

Evelyn left her sons alone and went to Jack’s room, seeing that he budged an inch from where she last left him. She stayed in the door, unsure of how Jack would react to being in close quarters with an adult. “That’s Angel that you can hear,” she said softly and Jack nodded mutely.

“Hey, Ma—?” Angel broke off as he saw the child standing in the room. He went to enter, but Evelyn put her arm across the door and shook her head. Angel shrugged. “Hey, kiddo,” he said and frowned when he didn’t get a response from the boy. “I’m Angel.”

Jack gripped the strap of his backpack tighter than before, trying to keep his breathing even. He didn’t want to be near any of them and it seemed that Evelyn got the idea, as she ushered Angel off to his room so he could do his homework. She said that she was going to start dinner and disappeared from Jack’s doorway. The boy slowly released his breath and stayed where he was.

He had no idea how much time had passed, as he continued to stand where he was left. He waited for the front door to open again, as Evelyn said she had three sons. However, by the time dinner was finished and Evelyn called them down from the bottom of the stairs, no one else had entered the house that he heard.

Jack remained where he was, hearing Angel charge down the stairs and Jeremiah groan and gasp as he stumbled down. He heard Evelyn calling for him and dropped his backpack, sliding it under the bed to keep it safe as he followed Jeremiah, surprised to see that he was black. He took a quick glance at Angel and saw that he was the same, which made him curious. However, it didn’t make him curious enough to ask about it. He didn’t need a reason for them to focus on him.

Angel was sitting in a chair and Jeremiah collapsed into one, breathing heavily as though he’d just run a marathon. Jack hovered in the threshold between the living room and the dining room, unsure of where to go or what to do. In all his time in foster homes, never once was he invited to join the family for dinner. Most days, he was lucky if he got the scraps.

“Jackie, why don’t you sit next to Jeremiah?” Evelyn suggested with a smile and Jack inched his way into the dining room, making as wide a berth as possible around Jeremiah.

Jack hesitated as he stood beside the chair. He didn’t need to pull it out, as he was skinny enough to slip in. However, he wasn’t sure if he should. He heard Evelyn encouraging him to have a seat and he finally slipped onto the chair, keeping his eyes lowered to the food on the plate. He frowned as he saw a salad and steak. His eyes flickered to the utensils beside the plate and he blinked, surprised that he was being treated like a person.

Evelyn said grace, thanking god for bringing Jack to them, which made the boy flinch. Once she had finished, Angel dug into his food like it would disappear should he stop to breathe. Jeremiah groaned as he tried to chew his food and swallow. Jack could feel Evelyn’s eyes on him as he continued to stare at it. He knew he couldn’t hoard that stuff, as it would go bad quickly.

“You can eat, Jack,” Evelyn said softly.

Jack started slightly and hesitantly picked up the fork. He stabbed something red on his plate. He was taught very little by the other ‘foster parents’ that had taken him in. He had missed years of school, due to the injuries keeping him in the hospital. He had no idea what he was eating, but he ate it anyway. He had to, as he had no idea when his next meal would be.

He quickly found that he didn’t are too much for the red thing and stabbed at something that had a bit of stiffness to it. He ate it quickly and felt a small spark of joy. He had no idea what it was, but he loved it. It was crunchy and watery and just damn delicious. He ate slowly, savoring the taste while he could. He heard Evelyn scold Angel to stop staring and Angel apologized.

Jack barely ate half of the salad before he found he was too full. He placed his fork down, knowing he was the last one to finish. Evelyn told Angel to do the dishes, while she showed Jack where the bathroom was. Jeremiah mumbled something as he slipped out of his chair and stumbled his way back to his room, swaying from side to side and leaning heavily on the wall and banister.

Evelyn pointed out the bathroom and told Jack that he had a green toothbrush waiting for him. Jack just nodded, wanting to get back to the bedroom, so he could hide and wait the night out. Evelyn told him that he needed to brush his teeth every night before he went to bed. Once again, Jack nodded. He half expected Evelyn to get angry with him, but she simply nodded and said she’d be downstairs if he needed anything and left him alone in the hallway.

Jack slowly made his way to the bathroom. He stared at the closed door, unsure of what awaited him behind the wood. He flinched and stepped back as Angel ran up the stairs, ignoring Evelyn as she told him not to run in the house. He expected Angel to go to his bedroom, but the teen stared at him. Jack gripped the bottom of his well wore shirt and ducked his head down further.

“Did you need some help, kiddo?”

Jack shook his head and held his breath as Angel stepped over to him. He opened the bathroom door and flinched as Angel went to ruffle his hair. The teen caught himself in time and chuckled, saying that the doors weren’t going to bite him. He left Jack alone and went to his bedroom. Jack stared at the bathroom threshold, trying to relax enough to go inside and brush his teeth.

Thirty minutes later, when he was certain that he would be alone in there, Jack stepped into the bathroom. He wanted to close the door, but wasn’t sure if that was allowed in the house. He winced at the memory of doing that in one of the houses and held his shoulder. He decided to keep the door open and found the green toothbrush that Evelyn had mentioned.

He tried to stop his hand from shaking and knew it was never going to stop. He kept checking the doorway, expecting to see some threatening figure there, since he hadn’t asked permission to use the toothpaste. He brushed his teeth quickly, rinsed the brush and his mouth and nearly ran from the bathroom. He got to the bedroom he was staying in and looked over his shoulder. He hadn’t closed the door. He tiptoed back over to it and closed it with a quiet click.

With a deep breath, Jack returned to the bedroom and closed the door. He crawled under the bed and pressed his back to the wall, curling up in a ball in the corner furthest from the door. He held his backpack to his chest like a talisman that would ward off evil. He never bothered to turn on the light and he hoped that no one would enter the room during the night.

oOo

Jack was awake when the door to the bedroom slowly opened in the morning. He had gotten two hours sleep, before the nightmares woke him and he stared out from his safe spot for the rest of the night. He saw bunny slippers as he figured Evelyn came into the room, probably to wake him for the day. He heard her gasp as she noticed that the bed wasn’t slept in.

“Jack?” she called and ran from the room. He heard Angel coming out of the bathroom, asking what was wrong. “Jack didn’t sleep in his bed.”

Jack slipped out from under the bed as Angel checked his closet, calling his name. When the teen turned around, he cried out at seeing the boy standing in the center of the room when he wasn’t in there before. Angel called out that he’d found him and Evelyn entered the room again. Jack pulled back slightly as Evelyn reached out to touch him and she exhaled shakily, telling him not to hide. Jack simply nodded and Angel left the bedroom. Once they were alone, Evelyn got on her knees and tried to look at Jack’s face.

“I think you’ll find the bed more comfortable than under it,” she whispered and Jack frowned, wondering what kind of wizard that woman was. “Did you want some breakfast?”

Jack shook his head and Evelyn sighed quietly, standing up and leaving the room. Once alone, Jack went to the corner beside the tallboy and sat with his back to the wall, pulling his knees to his chest. Something was seriously wrong in that house. No one had raised a hand against him. No one had yelled at him for anything. They had actually looked for him, thinking he was missing.

Fear shot through him, figuring it was some kind of sick joke they were playing on him. They wanted him to feel safe, so they could do more damage to him. The joke was on them, though. He knew he wasn’t safe.

oOo

The next month proved to be trying on Jack. He wanted to keep his guard up, but Angel and Evelyn were so nice to him. Neither of them yelled at him nor hit him for no reason. They mostly left him alone, sitting beside the tallboy as he stared at his knees. That was how he spent all his days. He still didn’t feel secure enough to leave the bedroom. From the wall, he could hear Jeremiah getting better as the weeks wore on.

There came a time when Jeremiah knocked on the bedroom door. Without a response, he opened the door slowly and stuck his head in. He saw the tiny ball that was a child in the corner of the room. He smiled and shuffled into the room, sitting on the bed. He introduced himself and waited to see if Jack would say anything to even _look_ at him. None of them had seen his face in the month he’d been there for.

However, since he didn’t have school, Jeremiah stayed in the room all day. He tried to speak at length about anything and everything, but found that the last of the infection wasn’t making that possible. He did mention something that made Jack’s ears perk up. He mentioned the third brother, but not by name. Jeremiah just said he was working some construction job and might be back in time for Christmas, which was two months away.

Jack’s mind wandered when Jeremiah spoke about school. He had no idea when he would be attending, but he figured that Evelyn would have put him in a class the following Monday. However, he was still in the house and he figured she left him there, knowing that Jeremiah was within the walls. Not that Jeremiah proved to be any kind of challenge, given that he only just had the strength to get out his bed and properly greet Jack for the first time in a month.

“Do you like reading, Jack?”

Jack frowned at the question. Why were they always asking him things? He wasn’t going to be there long enough to do anything about the questions, but they continued to ask about him, as though they cared. His silence didn’t seem to deter them, either. In fact, they seemed to ask questions just to see if they could get a reaction out of him. He had to admit, it was a lot nicer than being hit, burned, stabbed, scratched and thrown around.

“Ya know, I’m gonna take your silence as a yes, anyway,” Jeremiah said and stood up. “I’ll be back in a tick.”

Jack blinked as Jeremiah left the bedroom. The teenager returned a few minutes later with something in his hand. Jack inhaled sharply and quickly, pulling his knees to his chest tighter. Jeremiah seemed to notice and kept his distance, staying by the bed. He placed whatever was in his hand on the bedside chest, under the lamp that Jack never used.

“I got ya a book I thought ya might like,” Jeremiah explained as he sat on the bed again. “I did say I was gonna take your silence as a yes. It was my favorite when I was around your age.”

Jack continued to remain silent and refused to relax until Angel came home, which forced Jeremiah to leave the bedroom, since he had to get his homework and complete it before Evelyn got home. Jeremiah closed the door behind him and Jack’s eyes strayed over to the bedside chest. He’d never received anything nice in his life and he wanted to know what book it was. The downside was that he couldn’t read much and he didn’t want to tell them that.

oOo

November made sleeping under the bed almost impossible, due to the cold that seeped into the floorboards. Jack endured it, though. He’d been through worse in his life and he wasn’t about to let something like Detroit cold beat him. He was on month of likely six at the Mercer house. Jeremiah was feeling well enough to return to school, which left Jack in the house.

Evelyn worked from home as much as she could, as she didn’t want to leave Jack alone. He had heard her talking to Jeremiah and Angel about the situation and she wished someone named Bobby was around. Angel happily offered to miss school in order to keep Jack company during the day. Evelyn had gently scolded him and told him to keep dreaming.

Jack heard Jeremiah mention that Jack should attend school and then the conversation got too low for Jack to hear. He figured Evelyn knew that he wasn’t smart. He couldn’t write and he could barely read simple words. He heard Angel and Jeremiah agreeing to something and one of them walked up the stairs. Jack knew it was Jeremiah, as Angel rarely walked up the stairs.

There was a soft knock at the bedroom door and Jack quickly lowered his gaze to the holes in his jeans. He had no idea how the knees were always taken out first, but he kind of liked it. The door was opened and Jeremiah asked if he could come in. Jack had no idea why they asked that, but he nodded and Jeremiah sat on the bed. He glanced at the book that hadn’t moved since he placed it there nearly a month ago.

“Jack,” Jeremiah said gently, keeping his eyes on the book. “I need to ask ya something and I don’t want ya to think I’m bein’ mean…” He trailed off and Jack frowned. That was a first for him. He thought that everyone in the world was mean. Before he knew what he was doing, he was staring directly at Jeremiah and seeing the teen’s face for the first time. “…Do you know to read?”

Jeremiah looked at him and Jack quickly lowered his head, plucking at the frayed ends of the denim. He stayed silent and heard the bed springs creak. He watched as Jeremiah lowered himself to the floor, keeping his back to the bed and stretching his long legs out in front of him.

“You don’t need to be embarrassed if ya can’t, Jackie. But if ya can’t, I can teach ya.” Jack remained silent, as did Jeremiah for nearly an hour before dinner was announced. “You don’t have to answer me tonight, Jack. Now, get ya butt down to the table.”

For the first time in years, Jack felt the urge to smile.

oOo

A week later, on a Friday night, Jeremiah was back in the bedroom Jack slept in after they finished dinner. He was sitting on the bed and Jack had his back against the tallboy, facing the teenager. Around Jeremiah, the feeling to make himself seem as small as possible wasn’t as strong. Jack had even looked at the book that Jeremiah left on the bedside chest, but he couldn’t read the title of it.

That didn’t bother Jeremiah, though. He sat on the bed and talked to Jack about everything that happened in school, including about a girl he was very interested in. Jack was listening to the words, trying to understand several of them, as he was never properly spoken to by any of the other foster home occupants, aside from derogatory terms that he didn’t understand either, but knew that they were harsh.

“I’m sure you’d like Camille, if you meet her,” Jeremiah said and Jack’s eyes snapped up. He saw the teen smiling at him.

No one ever wanted him to meet anyone, especially if it meant he could say something bad about them. He was the dirty little secret that most of them had in their basements. However, Jeremiah seemed to really like the idea of some uneducated, scrawny child meeting the girl he seemed to love. Jack had no idea how to feel about that. Not even Evelyn or Angel shunned him, either.

“Did ya wanna see a picture of her?” Jeremiah asked as his eyes lit up. He pulled a photograph from his back pocket and hesitated, unsure if he should approach Jack. Instead, he turned the photo around.

Jack leaned forward, squinting. He saw a very pretty girl and then looked up at Jeremiah, nodding. Jeremiah grinned and looked at the photo, slipping it back into his pocket. He continued to go on about her, saying that she was smart as well as beautiful and she had a great sense of humor and a love for her family that rivaled his. Jack didn’t understand the last part, as he noticed that Jeremiah didn’t speak very highly of the one known as Bobby.

“I think Ma’ll love her, as well.”

Jack thought about Evelyn. He was almost certain that it was impossible for her to not like anyone. She had taken him in, after all and Jack knew he was hated by everyone he was forced to live with. He had no idea what he’d done wrong, especially to the people he’d only just met, but everyone hated him.

Jeremiah checked the time on his watch and jumped to his feet. “I better get to bed. I didn’t know it was that late. You better get some sleep, too, Jackie. I’m taking Camille out for lunch tomorrow.” He grinned and practically ran to the door of the room. “Goodnight, Jack. Sweet dreams.”

Jack nodded. He wished that saying worked. His dreams had been anything but sweet. They still woke him up after only a couple of hours and left him too scared to close his eyes again. He knew that Evelyn could see the lack of sleep on his face, as did Jeremiah. None of them asked him about it and he was happy about that.

Crawling under the bed with his backpack, Jack curled into a ball in the corner. He wondered if Jeremiah was serious about his offer to teach him to read. He would certainly like to learn.

oOo

On Sunday, Jeremiah was back in the bedroom Jack slept in after dinner. Jack had heard all about the date he’d taken Camille on the previous night. Instead, Jeremiah decided to sit on the bed quietly. Jack hesitantly got to his feet, which made Jeremiah stare at him and then glance at the open door, as though asking if he should leave. Jack shook his head and grabbed the thin book on the bedside chest.

Jeremiah’s eyes softened as Jack handed the book to him. Jack snatched his hands back and ran to the tallboy, sitting down with his back to it and his knees to his chest. Jeremiah nodded and read out the title of the book: The Cat in the Hat. He read the book to Jack slowly, pronouncing each word and Jack tried to sound them in his head. However, it was proving to be a challenge.

For some reason, the words weren’t right in his mind. He couldn’t see the words, as Jeremiah was just reading the book to him. He didn’t understand ninety-nine percent of the words spoken and he felt shame of being laughed at by other kids that had gone to school and knew how to read and write. He lowered his head more and more, until Jeremiah finished the book and closed it.

The smile that had been on Jeremiah’s face fell when he saw Jack’s body. “What’s wrong, Jack?” he asked quietly and glanced at Evelyn, who was standing just outside the door. Jack didn’t move, so Jeremiah slipped down to the floor. “Come here and I’ll teach ya.”

Jack looked up. Jeremiah was smiling and patting the space beside him, closest to the bedside chest to give Jack some sense of security. Jack slowly unfolded his legs. He kept telling himself that they hadn’t hurt him, in the two months that he’d been there. They hadn’t hurt him.

He inched his way across the room and glanced at Evelyn, as she watched him. She smiled encouragingly and Jack tried to stop his hands from shaking as he sat beside Jeremiah, pulling his knees to his chest. Jeremiah’s smile widened and he held the book in front of Jack.

“Can you speak?” Jeremiah asked and Jack nodded slowly. He didn’t know to pronounce words correctly, but he knew how to kind of talk, though he tried not to. “Can you say your name for me, please?”

“J-J-Jack,” he stuttered out and quickly ducked his head, waiting for the teasing to start up because of his stutter.

“That’s awesome, Jack. It’s good to hear your voice.” Jeremiah looked at Evelyn and saw that she had tears in her eyes, before she sniffed and left them alone. Jack raised his head, blinking at not being picked on. “You don’t need to worry about that stutter, Jackie. It’ll go away soon enough.”

Jack looked at Jeremiah, hoping that he was right about that. He hated the stutter and preferred not to speak than to take forever to say something. He nodded once, sternly and decided he would beat the stutter. He looked at the book in front of him and took it from Jeremiah’s hand.

“Okay, that’s _The Cat in the Hat_. Can you say that for me?”

“Th-The Cat…in th-the…H-H-Hat,” he said slowly, thinking hard on how Jeremiah spoke and trying to get the sounds right.

“Perfect, Jackie. Can you say it again?”

“Th-The Cat in…th-the H-H-Hat,” he repeated, a small spark of pride flaring in him for being able to say it faster.

“And once more for me.”

Jack took a deep breath. “Th-The Cat in th-the H-H-Hat.”

“Very good, Jackie,” Jeremiah said and gently knocked his elbow about Jack’s shoulder. He sucked air in through his teeth when he saw Jack flinch at the touch. “I’m sorry.” Jack nodded. “All right, let’s turn to the first page.” Jeremiah opened the book. “The sun did not shine.”

Jack frowned, staring at the words that looked like nothing but scribbles to him. “Th-the…” he started, knowing only that word in the sentence.

Jeremiah’s brow furrowed slightly. “Sun,” he said, putting a huge emphasis on the s. “Ssssss. Ssssssay it with me, Jackie – ssssss, like a ssssssnake.”

Jack stared at Jeremiah with wide eyes, before he grinned and copied Jeremiah with the exaggerated s sound. He actually laughed when Jeremiah started sticking his tongue, attempting to flick it like a snake. He stopped abruptly when he felt his ribs hurt. Jeremiah stopped with the hissing and cleared his throat, but Jack smiled as the pain subsided. He had no idea that laughing could cause his body to hurt, but it was a good hurt.

“The sun did not shine,” Jeremiah repeated and Jack nodded.

“Th-The s-sun…d-died…noot…sh-sh-shinny?” Jack looked at Jeremiah and noticed that he was smiling softly.

“Almost, Jackie. You’re doing very well, so don’t give up yet. The sun did not shine.”

“Th-The s-sun d-did…not…sh-sh…” He trailed off and lowered his head as the stutter started getting worse.

“Don’t stop, Jack.”

Jack sighed and closed his eyes. “Sh-sh-shine,” he finished and opened his eyes.

“Awesome. Can you say it again?”

“Th-The s-sun…d-did not…sh-sh-shine,” he repeated and glanced at Jeremiah. The teen smiled and nodded, asking him to repeat it again. “Th-The s-sun d-did not sh-sh-shine.”

“You’re getting better, Jackie-O,” Angel said from the doorway and clapped. Jack blushed and lowered his head. “Hey now, don’t stop because of me, kiddo. You’re doing awesome!”

Jack looked up and smiled as Angel grinned at him. He invited himself into the room and sat on the bedside beside Jeremiah, who got up as Evelyn shouted that he had a phone call. He apologized to Jack and asked Angel to take over. Angel nodded and took Jeremiah’s place, pointing to the next line of text.

“It was too wet to play,” he read slowly and repeated it again for Jack.

“Eet…w-ways t-t-too…w-wet…t-t-to p-p-play.” Jack frowned at the words. He knew he’d said some wrong to the way that Angel did and thought about the sounds. “It…w-was t-t-too w-wet…t-t-to p-p-play.” His eyes lit up and he looked at Angel. The young man smiled and nodded. “Th-The s-sun d-did not sh-sh-shine. It w-was t-t-too w-wet t-t-to p-p-play,” he read.

“Jesus, Jackie, at this rate you won’t need us in a couple of months,” Angel said and knocked his shoulder against Jack’s gently, ignoring the flinch and knowing it was just second nature to Jack to react that way with physical contact. “We sat in the house.”

Jack listened carefully, recognizing the letters. “W-We s-sat…in th-the…h-h-hoose?” Angel corrected his pronunciation and Jack nodded. “W-We s-sat in th-the…h-h-house?” he asked and Angel nodded.

“All that cold, cold, wet day,” Angel concluded the first page of the book, repeating it three times as that seemed to be the magic number for Jackie’s mind.

Jack opened his mouth, trying to get the right sounds. “Ole th-thate…cold, cold…w-wet…d-day?” Angel corrected what needed to be and Jack repeated it, getting it correct. His blue eyes sparkling, he started at the top. “Th-The s-sun d-did not sh-shine. It w-was t-too w-wet t-to p-play. W-We s-sat in th-the h-house, all th-that cold, cold, w-wet d-day.”

“Ha-ha,” Angel cheered and without thinking, picked up Jack and jumped around the room. “Good job, Jackie-O!”

“Angel, put him down,” Evelyn said from the doorway and Angel placed Jack on his feet. “How did it go, Jackie?”

Jackie stood in front of Evelyn. “Th-The s-sun d-did not sh-shine. It w-was t-too w-wet t-to p-play. W-We s-sat in th-the h-house, all th-that cold, cold, w-wet d-day,” he read and looked up, grinning. He heard Jeremiah congratulate him from downstairs and Evelyn clapped softly.

“You’re gonna set the world alight, Jackie,” she said quietly as she crouched down. “Your brothers will help you do that. Did you thank Angel for his help?”

“Th-Thank?” Jack asked and frowned slightly.

“When someone helps you, you say ‘thank you,’” Evelyn explained softly and Jack nodded, turning around to face Angel.

“Th-Thank y-you, Angel.”

“You’re welcome, kiddo. Tomorrow, we’ll work on the next page,” Angel said as he walked out of the room. “Goodnight, Ma, Jackie-O.”

“G-Gooed night, Angel,” Jack said and grinned, proud that he was learning so many new words. He turned to Evelyn, unsure of how to address her. “G-Gooed night.”

“Goodnight, Jackie. Sweet dreams,” she said as she straightened. She went to turn away, but paused. She showed her hands, showing that there was nothing in them. “You’re safe now, Jackie.”

Jack stared at her hands, nodding slowly. He still didn’t believe that, but he knew it put her at ease if he pretended to believe it. He felt comfortable around them, but he didn’t trust any of them enough to be a room with the door closed. He stepped back into his room and closed the door. He turned off the light and slipped under the bed with his backpack, running the words through his head again with a smile.

oOo

December was officially in town and Jack actually felt like he could leave the bedroom that was assigned to him. He was half-way through The Cat in the Hat and could almost recite it by heart. He was told that Christmas would be there in twenty-one sleeps and he didn’t understand the big deal about it. He had never celebrated Christmas before. Though, more accurately, he was never invited to the festivities and just assumed he wouldn’t be invited to theirs, either.

Jack jumped down the stairs, grinning and went to the kitchen. He paused just inside the doorway and watched as Evelyn made waffles for breakfast. She beat the batter and poured it into the waffle iron. She glanced at him and smiled, greeting him chirpily. Jack smiled and slid into the kitchen, standing by the table that was there. Evelyn glanced at him and said he could have a seat, which he did.

While the waffles browned up, Evelyn poured Jack a glass of milk and asked how he slept. Feeling a lot more confident with his words, Jack was talking more than before, which wasn’t difficult. However, the nightmares wouldn’t stop, but he knew that Evelyn wouldn’t ask questions if he smiled and said he slept well. She seemed more pleased to see him smile, even if he was lying to her.

Jack sipped the milk and then smiled. “G-Good,” he answered, grateful that Jeremiah had corrected his speech with that word. His eyes truly lit up when Jeremiah entered the kitchen. “G-Good m-morning, J-Jerry!”

Evelyn couldn’t stop the smile from forming on her face. She knew that Jack was lying to her, but it was so wonderful to see him feeling more comfortable and much more confident than the hollowed husk he was before. She knew that Angel and Jeremiah would help Jack as much as they could, but she wasn’t sure how he would in a school environment, given that she read he spent little time there. Then there was the problem of Bobby.

As Bobby was away for work, Angel and Jeremiah were a lot calmer without Bobby’s influence disrupting them. Sure, they still got into arguments over petty things, but they generally kept them quiet and had yet to throw any punches. Evelyn _knew_ that would change the moment her oldest returned for the holidays and she had no idea how Jack was going to react to a new person in the house for a week or more. It had taken him two months to even _look_ at them. She didn’t want Jack going back into his shell, especially since he was doing so well out of it.

oOo

The date that Bobby said he would be home arrived, except Jack didn’t know that. He had finished brushing his teeth, ignoring the glitter that was on his cheeks, as Evelyn put it on the floor under the bed so she knew when he was sleeping under there and went back to the bedroom to change out of his sleeping clothes. He couldn’t wait to tell Jeremiah and Angel that he had learned to say one of the words without their help. However, he knew that Angel would still be asleep at that time of the morning, given that Angel didn’t wake up until the very last minute.

In fresh clothes, Jack ran from the room and down the stairs. “J-Jerry,” he called and went into the living room, freezing and staring at the wall that was across from the entrance. He could see an unknown man on the sofa and he couldn’t stop his heart from hammering against his ribs.

Evelyn came in from the kitchen, holding a mug of coffee. “Good morning, Jackie,” she greeted warmly, waiting for his reaction. She kept in a sigh when Jack lowered his head and stepped out of the living room.

Bobby stood and crouched down in front of Jack, not surprised when the kid took a step back from him. His eyes honed in on the glitter. “You’re sparklin’ like a fairy,” he said and grinned. Jack took another step back, ducking his head more. “I’m Bobby, your big brother.” He frowned when Jack nodded. “You gonna tell me your name? If not, I’ll call ya fairy until you speak up.”

“Bobby,” Evelyn said exasperatedly and placed the mug on the coffee table. “Leave him be. Jackie, why don’t you head into the kitchen and help yourself to the pancakes?”

Jack shook his head and went to the stairs. He crept up them, trying to make as little movement as possible. He went back to the bedroom and went straight to his corner, between the tallboy and the wall. Bobby scared him. He had a gruff voice and he didn’t seem as happy as Angel and Jeremiah. He knew that Bobby was Evelyn’s oldest son and she was really happy to have him back at the house, but Jack didn’t want to be anywhere near him. He smelled like a locker room and the worst dive bar around. That wasn’t something that Jack wanted near him.

oOo

Jack managed to stay in his room for three days and not see Bobby. He had heard the teen as his voice traveled easily through the thin walls. He heard him riling up Angel and Jeremiah and heard them riling him up. Unfortunately, the hunger he’d been ignoring for the last three days was back and Jack knew he had to eat or Evelyn would be very disappointed in him.

He had no idea why it hurt him to think that Evelyn might be disappointed in him. It probably had something to do with the fact she was so proud of him for learning how to read part of The Cat in the Hat, which he hadn’t even looked at in the last seventy-two hours. He hadn’t spoken a word, either. He jumped violently when someone pounded on his door. He covered his ears with his hands and tried to block it out, repeating the phrase in his mind, The Cat in the Hat.

“Hey, fairy,” Bobby called through and Jack flinched. “Ma says dinner’s ready. Get out here, already.”

Jack wanted so badly to go down and eat, but Bobby would be there and he couldn’t be around that person. He didn’t care how the others felt about him. Both Angel and Jeremiah had tried to explain Bobby to him, but their words fell short of inspiring.

Bobby opened the door and invited himself in. “Hey, fair—?” He broke off as he looked at the trembling form in the corner of the room. Ma hadn’t told him much about Jack’s life, but he figured it was bad and he was used to kids coming and going that had had hard lives. Jack definitely seemed like a special case, though. With a sigh, Bobby lowered his voice. “You hungry?” Jack shook his head and Bobby nodded. “Ma’ll make a plate for ya and put it in the icebox.” He left the room, closing the door.

Jack didn’t stop trembling from the pounding and shouting for an hour. He knew that Angel ran his mouth at school and often got into trouble there and Jeremiah seemed to have a slight holier-than-thou attitude towards the teachers, which landed him in detention frequently. Yet, when they were at home, they seemed calm around him and didn’t feel the need to shout at him.

Another hour passed. He could hear Bobby getting ready to go out, along with Angel and Jeremiah. Once the front door slammed, there was a gentle knock on the bedroom door. Evelyn opened it and asked if she could enter. Jack continued to stare at his knees, arms over his head.

“You’ll have to excuse Bobby. He grew up with Angel and Jeremiah, so he’s used to them fighting back with him,” Evelyn explained as she sat on the bed, staring at the regressed child in the corner. “I’ve tried to keep him away from you, but you have to come out and meet him, Jackie. He’s your older brother and is part of your life.”

Jack just nodded. He heard the bed squeak as Evelyn stood. She said that she made him a plate and that it was in the fridge, if he got hungry later. Once again, Jack nodded and Evelyn left the room, closing the door. Jack stayed where he was, thinking about what Evelyn told him of Bobby. The oldest definitely seemed happy to roughhouse with Angel and Jeremiah and he’d done nothing threatening towards him.

After another hour passed, Jack slowly got to his feet and turned off the light of the room. He crawled under the bed and held his backpack tightly, curling up tighter than usual. He stared at the light coming in through the window from the streetlight. In the dull light, he could see the glitter that he’d tracked through his room sparkle and lowered his eyes, ignoring the pain in his stomach.

As the night wore on, Jack was seriously considering getting up and grabbing something to eat quickly. That idea was pushed away when he heard Angel, Bobby and Jeremiah return. They were whispering, trying to keep quiet as Evelyn had gone to bed and they didn’t want to wake her. At least, that’s what he thought until he heard Bobby telling Angel to step lightly as ‘Jack was probably asleep and didn’t need to be woken by his elephant steps.’

Jack stared at the tallboy, hearing Angel and Jeremiah walk up the stairs as quickly and quietly as they could. They seemed to know where all the creaks were. They went to their rooms and Jack knew he had to wait a little longer before he could head downstairs. He didn’t know what time Bobby usually fell asleep, but he figured an hour should be enough time.

He waited longer than that, just to be on the safe side, before he slipped out from under the bed. His eyes felt dry and scratchy due to the lack of sleep, but he ignored it as he slowly opened his door. He saw that Evelyn’s door was closed and he could hear deep breaths from Jeremiah’s room, which told him that he was asleep. He stepped out of the room and closed the door.

As he didn’t weigh nearly as much as Angel or Jeremiah, Jack didn’t have too much about where he stepped. He snuck down the stairs and saw Bobby’s shape lying on the sofa. Jack tiptoed down the hallway and into the kitchen. He pulled open the fridge and found his dinner, which he ignored. He saw the celery that was sitting on a shelf and pulled off three stalks, closing the fridge quietly.

He turned around and froze when the kitchen light was turned on. He quickly hid the celery behind his back and lowered his head as Bobby stared at him. “I thought I saw you flutter by, fairy,” Bobby said softly and tilted his head as Jack didn’t respond. “Is that all ya gonna eat?”

Jack pressed his back to the fridge, keeping his head bowed. He really didn’t feel comfortable being around Bobby without someone else awake. He tensed as Bobby walked into the kitchen and went to the pantry. He grabbed something out and placed it on the table, before opening the cutlery drawer and removing a butter knife. He put that on the table beside the jar.

“Sit at the table and eat,” Bobby ordered and Jack flinched. “I’m not gonna hurt ya. Just sit at the table.”

Jack hesitantly stepped to the side. Bobby was standing by the table and didn’t seem ready to move in order to give Jack his space. Instead, before Jack even knew what had happened, Bobby had picked him up and placed him in a chair. Jack stared at the tabletop, frozen. He had no idea that Bobby was that fast, which terrified him more than anything.

Bobby took the pieces of celery from his hands and broke off the leaves. He opened the jar and smeared peanut butter onto the celery, before placing the three pieces on the table in front of Jack. “You need to fatten up, fairy,” Bobby stated as he put the lid on the jar and returned it to the pantry. He washed the knife and headed for the dining room. “Don’t forget to turn off the light before you head back up.”

Jack nodded and waited until he was certain Bobby was back on the sofa, before he picked up the first piece of celery. He’d never had peanut butter on it before and tentatively took a small bite. He was surprised, not good or bad. It wasn’t as good as he thought it would be, considering he loved peanut butter and it wasn’t nearly as bad as he thought it would be, either. With the peanut butter on the stalks, it filled him more than just the plain celery would have.

Once he was finished, Jack slipped off the chair and turned off the light. He crept past the living room, pausing when he heard Bobby’s voice. “Goodnight, fairy.”

Jack turned his head towards the living room. He could hear Evelyn scolding him for not thanking Bobby for the peanut butter, despite not asking for it. He must have hesitated too long, as Bobby sat up and asked him what was wrong. Jack shook his head and went upstairs, closing the door and sliding under the bed. Maybe, just _maybe_ , Bobby wasn’t as bad as Jack first thought. After all, Angel and Jeremiah seemed to like him.

oOo

The following morning, Jack stayed under the bed. Angel and Jeremiah had left for school a few minutes ago and Evelyn was getting ready to leave, which scared Jack. He would be alone in the house with Bobby. He’d be alone in the house with an unknown person. Evelyn knocked softly on the door and told him that she was leaving.

“If you need anything, let Bobby know,” she said without opening the door.

Jack heard her footsteps going down the stairs. Bobby said goodbye to her. The front door closed and Bobby went back to the living room. Jack stared across the floor of the room and inhaled shakily, sliding out and bringing his backpack out as well. He needed to brush his teeth and wash his face, since he wasn’t going to shower with only Bobby in the house.

Making sure that the coast was clear, Jack left the room and went to the bathroom. He used the toilet, washed his hands, brushed his teeth and washed his face. He dashed back to the bedroom and opened his backpack, pulling out his clothing for the day. He changed his pants and was pulling off his shirt when the door opened. Jack’s eyes widened and he dropped the shirt, running to the corner.

“Shit,” he heard Bobby breath. “I was gonna knock, but I thought you woulda changed before going to the bathroom, man.”

Jack kept his head lowered, burying his face into his arms as he gripped his hair. He never wanted anyone to see the state his body was in. He knew they would tease him about the scars. Bobby moved into the room and Jack closed his eyes, trying to will Bobby away. He didn’t want to be alone with the man.

“We’ve all got scars, fairy,” Bobby said as he sat beside Jack’s backpack. “I mean, most of mine are from hockey games, but…” He shrugged and looked around the room, seeing that Jack was still living out of his backpack. He saw the glitter on the floor, which started from under the bed and he raised an eyebrow.

Jack chanced a glance when the room fell silent for a few minutes and felt his heart sink when he realized that Bobby was still in the room. He was looking around, as though trying to find something and Jack figured he wouldn’t leave, until he had to, just like Jeremiah.

Bobby saw the book on the bedside chest. “Hey, I remember this one,” he said as he flipped through the pages. “Are you readin’ it?”

Jack slowly lowered his arms and moved to staring at his knees. Anyone that liked The Cat in the Hat was all right by his standards. He honestly had no idea how much he would love that book, but it made him feel like he part of Angel’s and Jeremiah’s family as they read it together and they taught him the words.

Once again, he remembered Evelyn’s words from the previous day. He knew that Bobby was out of town due to work, which didn’t make him a bad person. Evelyn told him that Bobby called as often as he could, just to make sure everyone was all right. It seemed that Bobby cared deeply about his family, which didn’t make him a bad person. If he wasn’t so scary looking, Jack was certain he learn to like him as much as he did Angel and Jeremiah.

“Jerry told me he was teachin’ ya to read.” Jack looked at Bobby through his fringe. “This’s the book we all learned to read from,” he explained and a half-smile twitched the corner of his mouth. “I taught Jerry, then he taught Angel and now they’re teaching you.” Bobby looked up from the book and found the kid watching him. He honestly never thought he’d see those baby blues. “Would ya mind readin’ it to me?” When Jack didn’t even twitch, Bobby nodded. “I’ll read it to you, then.”

Bobby cleared his throat and opened the book. “The sun did not shine. It was too wet to play,” he started and Jack could feel himself relaxing as the story was read to him. Hell, he could feel a smile creeping onto his face as Bobby stood up and swung his arms as he read and that was when Jack realized he was actually looking up from his knees. He had no idea how Bobby had managed that.

Bobby lowered the book slightly, peering at Jack over the top and gasped dramatically. “Well,” he began the conclusion and placed his hands on his hips. “What would _you_ do if your mother asked _you_?” He bowed and Jack couldn’t stop the grin, still trying to figure out how he had grown so fond of the oldest Mercer boy. “Thank you, thank you. I’m here all week!”

Jack couldn’t stop a giggle from escaping. Bobby was far more dramatic than Angel or Jeremiah when reading the book. He clapped his hands and Bobby bowed again, sitting down and hold out the book, telling Jack it was his turn to read it. Jack shook his head, placing his hands on his knees, as if to stop them from taking the book.

“Well, that’s not fair now, is it, fairy? I gave you this big show and you won’t even read the title to me?” Bobby dropped the book and got to his feet when the phone rang. “Seems a little mean for a fairy, actually,” he said as he left the room.

Jack stared at the book, running Bobby’s words through his mind. He didn’t think it was mean to not read, but he also knew that Bobby had a point. However, he was only really half way through the book and couldn’t read the full thing, until he was taught. He lowered his head and sighed softly, wondering if he could start up the lessons again with Angel and Jeremiah.

He grabbed the book and opened to the page he was last on, staring at the words. He tried mouthing them, attempting to get the right sound, from when Bobby said them. “I w-will…p-pick ah-ahp…th-the h-hook,” he whispered and shook his head.

“I will pick up the hook,” Bobby corrected as he stood in the door and looked down at the book. “You’re applying yourself more than Angel did, that’s for sure.”

Jack lowered his eyes. “I w-will p-pick…up th-the h-hook,” he repeated and glanced at Bobby, seeing him frown. He quickly looked down again, wondering what he’d done wrong.

“Do you have a stutter?” Bobby asked, unable to keep the laugh from his voice. “Holy shit, that’s precious!”

Jack flinched as Bobby fell into laughter and closed the book, placing it on the floor and drawing his knees to his chest tight again. He stared at the frayed denim of his knees, trying his hardest to block out the laughter that had turned into howling as Bobby called him a stuttering fairy. Jack had no idea why that hurt as bad as it did, considering it wasn’t the worst thing he’d ever heard.

“Fuck,” Bobby said as he tried to catch his breath and wiped the tears from his eyes. “You’re a real hoot, fairy. I can’t remember the last time I laughed that hard.” He rested against the door frame and breathed heavily, before his eyes finally landed on the embarrassed huddle in the corner. Ah, shit. “Come on, I didn’t mean anything by it, fairy. You’re the first I’ve come across that actually has a stutter.”

Jack shrugged and kept his eyes lowered. He flinched as Bobby touched his hair and jerked his head back, not registering the pain as it cracked against the wall. He scurried between Bobby’s legs and slipped under the bed with his backpack. Not even Angel or Jeremiah touched him that much.

Bobby sighed and stood. He faced the bed. “It’s what brothers do, man. They tease, laugh, pull fun of and touch. When you’ve calmed down, I’ll have lunch ready.”

Jack stayed under his bed for the next six days, leaving only to use the bathroom and grab celery stalks when no one else was around. He heard Evelyn scolding and Angel and Jeremiah yelling at Bobby for what he did, which just made him feel worse. He shouldn’t expect someone to change who they were, especially for some kid they didn’t know, or some kid that was overly sensitive about something others did to him.

The seventh day was Christmas and Evelyn told him that he _had_ to join the others in the living room, after a shower and a change of clothing. Jack did just that and shuffled into the living room, not raising his eyes from the floor. He sat as far away as possible from Bobby, staying on the floor and pulling his knees to his chest. He heard Angel tearing into a brightly wrapped package and thanked Evelyn for it.

“Did you want to open a present, Jackie?” Evelyn asked and fought back a sigh when Jack shook his head. “If you don’t open them, your brothers will.” When Jack shrugged, Evelyn sighed.

Bobby rolled his eyes when Angel and Jeremiah glared at him; blaming him for the fairy’s lack of voice. He went over to the tree and grabbed the gift he’d bought for Jack and dropped it at his feet, which earned him a flinch and the kid trying to pull his knees through his chest. “Merry Christmas, fairy,” he stated and left the living room and eventually the house.

“Stay with him,” Evelyn said as she followed Bobby. “And just where do you think you’re going on Christmas?” she demanded from the storm room.

“I fucked up,” Bobby said and his keys jingled. “The kid doesn’t want me around, so why I should be?”

“Bobby Mercer, you get back inside for Christmas. Now.”

Jack’s face twisted with agony as he heard Evelyn arguing with Bobby, because of him. Angel and Jeremiah tried to drown them out with the television that was playing one of the older versions of A Christmas Carol. While they were engrossed in it, Jack used the loudness to sneak back up to the bedroom and pack his bag. He pulled his shoes on and opened the window. He had already contemplated leaving when Bobby arrived, but that sealed it. It wasn’t his place to disrupt the peace they had.

Slipping onto the roof, Jack closed the window and then judged the depth of the snow bank. He found it surprising that he could easily run and then jump off the roof. The snow took more of the force, but he knew that his back was going to be bruised for a while as he rolled over and felt it throbbing. He got to his feet and ran down the street, not knowing where he was going.

He reached a snow covered park when he slowed down and eventually stopped. He looked around as he caught his breath and ignored the hunger pains, looking for somewhere to hide until he could make a plan. He saw a poorly maintained ‘pirate ship’ thing that had a half-covered area. He climbed up, not really trusting the metal that groaned under his weight.

Jack froze when he saw someone else up there. The vagrant glared at him. “Get away from my home,” he slurred and Jack nodded, backing away.

Making his way out of the park, Jack was surprised at how many people were on the street. He wanted to ask one of the passing people if they knew of a different park, but he didn’t know if they were going to hurt him for stopping them or for asking a dumb question. Instead, he joined the people on the sidewalk and kept his head down, not wanting anyone to think anything strange of an eleven year old walking the streets.

Jack walked up and down alleys and streets until he was certain he would never be found by Evelyn Mercer and gratefully sank to the ground, in an alley. Eventually, she’ll forget about him and things can get patched up between her and Bobby, as well as Angel and Jeremiah and Bobby. He shivered as a cold wind blew down the alley and pulled his knees to his chest, out of habit and for warmth.

He had no idea how much time passed, as the sky darkened quickly in winter. He was thinking of giving into the cold and closing his eyes when a familiar voice stopped him. “Do you really plan on sleepin’ here, fairy?”

Jacks eyes widened and he got to his feet, running down the alley. He was caught after three steps and struggled against the stronger grip of Bobby. He had no idea how badly he was going to be punished for running away and then being found. He heard Bobby hiss as his elbow caught the corner of his eye, but it wasn’t enough for the teen to drop him.

“Calm down before you hurt yourself,” Bobby said and grabbed Jack’s arms, keeping hold of him. Jack realized he wasn’t going to escape and gave up the fight. That energy was better spent on something else. Jack was lowered to his feet, but he wasn’t released. “Now, tell me what the fuck you were thinkin’, doin’ what you did!”

Jack winced as Bobby shouted at him, but kept his eyes lowered. “Th-The f-fight,” he finally whispered and felt Bobby sighed against his neck.

“Jesus fucking Christ, fairy! I fight with _everyone_!” Bobby turned Jack around and glared at him. “I even fight with Ma, but that’s mostly to keep her on her toes. Do you have any fucking idea how scared she is, right now?” Jack shivered and shook his head. “C’mon. We better get home.”

Jack didn’t bother to run. He got the feeling that Bobby would always find him, no matter where he went. He wasn’t sure if that was the purpose of a big brother, but it kind of scared him a little. He wasn’t sure if he liked the idea of Bobby _always_ knowing where he was.

The car was mercifully warm against the bitter cold of the streets. Jack pulled the sleeves down of his shirt and covered his hands, keeping his eyes lowered as Bobby drove through the streets. He glanced over at the blank expression on Bobby’s face, wondering how he even knew he was missing. Evelyn would’ve thought he was hiding under the bed.

“H-How d-did—?”

“I saw you land on the snow,” Bobby answered as they stopped at a red light. “Look, I call you a fairy, but that doesn’t mean you can actually fly.”

“I know th-that,” Jack said and lowered his eyes for a moment. “M-My name is J-Jack.”

Bobby glanced at him and nodded. “I already knew that, fairy. Ma wouldn’t shut up about you.” Jack nodded and Bobby smirked. “I didn’t mean that as a bad thing,” he stated as he moved when the light finally turned green. “Have you always had that stutter?”

“Y-Yes.”

“Did you know if you continue to talk, it’s highly likely that’ll it go away by itself? The more you talk, the better it gets.”

Jack frowned. “Is th-that t-true?”

“Scouts’ honor,” Bobby said as he held up his hand.

“W-Wrong h-hand.”

Bobby glanced at Jack sharply and raised an eyebrow. “And how would you know that?”

Jack looked at his right hand and flinched at the memory. “I d-don’t know.”

“You’re the worst liar of us, fairy,” Bobby said with a shake of his head as he parked the car. “All right, I’m gonna tell ya something and I need to you to listen closely.” Jack looked up and waited. “We all had bad stuff happen to us. I know you got it worse, but just know that once you’re a Mercer, you’re _always_ a Mercer. We never turn our backs on each other. If you need to talk about the memories or the nightmare, you let us know. Deal?”

“H-How—?”

“We all had nightmares when we first got here. You’re the only one that hasn’t come crying to me, though. I’ll be leaving after Christmas, due to work, but Angel and Jeremiah love ya, fairy.” Bobby reached out to ruffle Jack’s hair and sighed quietly when the kid pulled back. “We’re not gonna hurt you—ever.” He looked over his shoulder and saw Evelyn waiting for them. “Now, Ma is gonna hug you tight, whether you want it or not. She does when she’s been scared.”

Jack inhaled shakily and nodded, opening the car door. He slipped out and shuffled his way up to the house. Even though he was expecting the hug, he still flinched as though he was about to be slapped. Evelyn wrapped her arms around Jack and held him tightly.

“Don’t ever do that again,” she said as she pulled back and looked him over, noting that his clothes were wet. “Go upstairs and have a shower.”

Jack nodded and ran into the house, going up to the bedroom. He grabbed a few lot of clothing and went to the bathroom, just as he heard Evelyn thank Bobby for bringing Jack back home. He closed the bathroom door and thought about it. He really _was_ home.

oOo

**Age 12**

Seven months later, Jack was still sleeping under the bed. The nightmares were still there and the sleepless nights were weighing heavily on him. He had finished The Cat in the Hat, but often read it before he turned in for the night, to help fight his stutter.

Bobby had left the day after Christmas and hadn’t shown his face since. Jack found himself missing the oldest brother, but pushed it to the side. Evelyn was getting serious about sending him to school, as Jeremiah was teaching him to write. Jack finally learned the alphabet and had learned new words in the short time he’d been in with the Mercer family.

Five months ago, Jeremiah had brought Camille around for Evelyn to meet and she’d been exceptionally nice. She greeted Jack, but didn’t try to shake his hand. In fact, she spoke to him and kept her distance, which made Jack comfortable around her. He really liked her and he could tell that Evelyn did, too. She often invited Camille around for dinner, but never let her stay the night.

Angel often spent long hours on the phone to a girl called Sofi, which he claimed was the love of his life. He had yet to bring her around for the family to meet, but he promised that he would when Evelyn was over the pride of Jeremiah’s choice of woman.

Jack was sitting with his back to the sofa, watching some terrible soap opera on the television when the front door opened. His eyes widened and he froze, thinking that someone had broken in when he heard the familiar voice of Bobby calling out. Jack relaxed slightly.

“Hey, fairy!” Bobby greeted as he walked past Jack, ruffling his hair and sitting on the sofa. “I’m surprised you’ve crawled out of your room.” He leaned down and stared at Jack, which made him lower his head. “You still aren’t sleeping, huh?”

“I am,” he mumbled and watched the show through his fringe.

Bobby laughed shortly and without humor. “You crack me up—hey now.” He smirked and ruffled Jack’s hair again. “You’re a Cracker Jack, ain’t ya?” he asked as he continued to mess up Jack’s hair.

“S-Stop th-that,” Jack protested, unable to believe that Bobby was nineteen and acted like he was seven.

“Still got that stutter, I see,” Bobby said as he kicked his feet onto the coffee table and watched the television. “Jesus, you watch some shit.”

“It w-was th-the only th-thing on.” Jack ran his ran his fingers through his hair, combing it and trying to get it the way he wanted.

Bobby groaned and rested his hands behind his head, staring at the screen. Jack sat there in silence, unsure of what he could say to the teen. He couldn’t discuss school or work, as Evelyn still wanted to make sure that Jack wouldn’t be held back too much in a school environment. Thanks to Jeremiah’s teachings, Jack could spell and write his own name. He was making really good progress with the alphabet and could recite it.

Jack glanced at Bobby from the corner of his eye. “W-Why are y-you h-here?” he asked quietly when a commercial break came on.

“Why not?” Bobby said with a shrug. He sat up straighter and stared at Jack. “Since when did you get curious, fairy?”

Jack blinked and blushed, ducking his head. “S-Sorry.”

Bobby shook his head and ruffled Jack’s hair again, noting that he didn’t flinch as bad as he did a few months ago whenever someone’s hand went near him. “It’s also Ma’s birthday tomorrow.”

Jack’s eyes widened slightly and he looked up, gazing at Bobby. “I d-didn’t know th-that,” he said quietly and turned his attention back to the television.

Bobby stood up and stretched his arms over his head. “That isn’t surprisin’, ya know,” he stated as he headed toward the dining room. “You hungry?”

Jack shook his head, still thinking about Evelyn’s birthday. He had no idea what he could do for her, in order to give her something decent. He could hear Bobby talking to him from the kitchen, but he wasn’t paying attention. He ran up the stairs and into the bedroom, grabbing his backpack. He doubted he had anything in there that wasn’t his clothing, but his eyes lit up when he found a blue marker.

He grabbed a spare piece of paper that he was using to practice his writing on and folded it in half. As he stared at the white sheet, Jack tried to figure out what to write on it. It quickly came to his attention that was unaware of how to spell ‘birthday’ and he wanted to do something a little more than writing ‘Happy Birthday’ on a piece of paper. He managed to write ‘To E’ on it, before he realized he didn’t know how to spell Evelyn’s name.

“That explains why I didn’t get any answers from ya,” Bobby said as he stood in the doorway, eating a grilled cheese sandwich. “Whatada ya doin’?”

Jack shrugged and started sketching on the paper. He stared at the lines he had down and tilted his head slightly, moving the marker again and again. Bobby finished his lunch and crouched beside Jack, watching as his little brother drew their mother’s face on the paper. He had no idea that Jack could draw, as he was well aware that Jack had only just learned how to write.

“Jesus, you’re full of surprises, ain’t ya, fairy?”

Jack kept his head down, pretending to study the picture of Evelyn he just drew. He was really starting to detest the fact that Bobby had yet to say his name. When he did glance at Bobby, he saw that the oldest Mercer boy was staring at the bed, as though trying to figure out what was wrong with it. The blue covers had a light covering of dust on them, except where Angel and Jeremiah sat.

“Have you _ever_ slept in your bed?” Bobby asked with a frown.

Jack blinked and turned his eyes back to the paper in front of him. He made a few lines around Evelyn’s head and found that they took on the shape of a rose. He still refused to see the room as his, despite being there for nearly a year. He was still waiting for the time when he was woken to rough hands dragging him out of the house, throwing him back into the custody of his father.

That thought hadn’t entered his head for at least two months, which made Jack think to why it suddenly surged forth. Nothing about the conversation made him think of his father, until he remembered that Bobby referred to the bed as ‘Jack’s.’ Jack didn’t think he’d grown that comfortable in the house that the idea of leaving sent him into a slight state of panic. In a flash, Jack came to realize that he’d grown attached to Angel, Evelyn and Jeremiah.

Jack looked at the bedside chest, which had The Cat in the Hat on it. Bobby was questioning him further about not sleeping in the bed, but his voice had become white noise to Jack. In the ten months that he’d been in the house for, he’d been taught to read and write. No other family had ever taught him that much. Hell, he just discovered that he could draw.

Without a word, Jack stood up and left the bedroom. He went down to the laundry room and sat beside the washing machine. He pulled his knees to his chest and covered his head with his arms. How could he have allowed himself to get attached to those people? He knew that his stay at the Mercer house was temporary. Granted, it was a very long stay, but it would come to an end and he’d be placed somewhere else, with some people that didn’t give a damn about the kids living with them.

How could he have allowed himself to open up to them? How could they have destroyed his walls so easily? _Why_ did he let it happen? The nightmares were his brain reminding him that he would be thrown into that dark, seedy, terrible world again. How could he have forgotten that? How could he have thrown all caution to the wind and let open himself for the world of hurt that would crash into him, at any given minute of any given day?

 _Never forget what you are._ Jack squeezed his eyes shut, trying to block out the voice that was in his head. It wasn’t working. _You’re not even good enough to be a tool. You’re not even a fine piece of meat. You’re_ nothing _._ Jack opened his eyes and stared at his knees. With all the crap of moving into the Mercer house, the voice of his father hadn’t bothered him. That was before he realized he was almost…happy there.

Jack gasped as he felt hands on his arms, lowering them. He knew the hands were too big and too rough to be Evelyn’s, but he still expected to see her gentle eyes. Instead, he got to see Bobby’s blank stare. _Nothing._ The word whispered through his mind again and Jack lowered his head. However, Bobby must have seen something on his face, as he sat down, crossing his legs and gazing at him with the same blank stare.

“Memories?” he asked and Jack frowned. “They’re the worst, ain’t they?” Bobby sighed and tilted his head back. “It took me a while to fight mine off.” When he leveled his head, he saw that Jack still wasn’t looking up. “Do you like living here, fairy?”

Jack hesitated with answering. He wasn’t sure where Bobby was going with his line of questioning and he really didn’t want him to use something else against him. However, he needed to know what Bobby was getting at, so he nodded briefly.

“You’re never gonna leave here,” Bobby said and cocked an eyebrow when Jack still didn’t look up. “Do the memories hurt a lot?” Jack shrugged and Bobby rolled his eyes. The kid wasn’t giving him much to work with. “Look at me, ya damn fairy.”

Jack flinched at the harsh tone of Bobby’s voice. None of the others in the house were ever like that with him, but he knew that if he didn’t do as he was ordered, he’d be hurt. He looked up and saw that Bobby’s eyes were hard, but there was a very faint softness to them.

“Do you wanna know the best way to beat the bad memories?” Jack blinked, keeping his face neutral. Bobby reached out, freezing when Jack winced and closed his eyes. That was a hell of a back pedal. “You make better memories. So every time the bad ones try to take over, you just think of the better ones.”

Jack opened his eyes, keeping them lowered as he thought about Bobby’s words. He hadn’t even thought of that, despite using The Cat in the Hat as a medium to make himself feel better. He wondered how long it took Bobby to get over the bad memories and to make better ones.

He didn’t know what kind of background Angel, Jeremiah or Bobby came from, but it seemed they all fought their way out of hell to stand proud as Mercers. Jack knew he didn’t have that kind of fight in him, despite refusing to die. He wanted to be strong, but he didn’t know the first thing about it and he knew he wasn’t strong enough to see the beauty of what was around him. The memories would always win, because he knew that the darkness would always be there.

Bobby could practically see the cogs turning in Jack’s head and he could also see the doubt winning. “Have you spoken to anyone about the nightmares?”

Jack nodded, wanting to keep the lies simple. “Angel and J-Jerry.”

Bobby cocked an eyebrow. He knew that was bullshit, simply because Jack spoke. He hadn’t uttered a sound for the last twenty minutes. “Uh-huh,” he drawled. “And what advice did they give you?”

Jack’s eyes snapped up. Bobby terrified him. Could he read minds? How did he know that Jack hadn’t spoken to anyone about the nightmares? He hadn’t said or done anything to give Bobby reason to believe he was lying, but Bobby somehow knew.

Bobby smirked and shook his head, getting to his feet. “Stop tryna take on the whole damn world alone, fairy. You’ve got brothers now and we’ll _always_ have your back.”

oOo

Jack’s eyes opened and he stared at the room that was lit by the streetlight. Bobby’s final words rang through his mind, seemingly banishing the nightmare that was clinging to his mind with spiked burs. He slipped out from under the bed, unsure of when he actually fell asleep.  He shook the glitter from his clothing and hair, heading for the door when he heard the heavy breathing.

He turned to the bed and saw someone lying in it. His eyes widened and he backed away, going to his favorite corner of the room. That part of the room was always in shadow, somehow. He sat down, drawing his knees to his chest as he stared at the person that was in the bed and had been for a while. He recognized the sounds of someone in a deep sleep.

Jack glanced at the door to the room quickly, wondering if he should wake Jeremiah and Angel about the unknown person in the bed. As that thought entered his mind, the person inhaled sharply and rolled over to face him, as though knowing what he was thinking.

“Why the hell are you awake, fairy?” Bobby asked, his voice thick with sleep. The bed creaked under his weight as he sat up and ran his hands through his hair. He looked at the clock on the bedside chest. “It’s like two in the morning. What happened?”

As much as he wanted to, Jack found that he couldn’t relax. He was used to being in the bedroom alone. He didn’t like the fact that someone else was in there and had probably entered while he was asleep and vulnerable. He knew it was stupid, as nothing bad had happened to him, but that didn’t mean that it wouldn’t.

“Nothing,” Jack whispered. “B-Bathroom.”

Bobby lied down again. “Go to the bathroom, then. Then go back to sleep. It’s creepy waking up to seeing a little kid staring at you, from a dark corner while you sleep.”

Jack slowly got to his feet and crept past Bobby. The moment he opened the door, Bobby was already asleep again. Jack closed the door and then tiptoed to the closet. He slid open the door as quietly as possible and slipped inside, closing the door and pressing himself the corner furthest from the bed. He continued to watch Bobby as he slept until the sun rose, some hours later. A couple of hours after that, Bobby woke up again.

Stretching, Bobby looked around the room. Jack watched his movements closely through the slats in the closet door. Bobby got off the bed and then looked under it. Not finding Jack there, he shrugged and left the room. It seemed that Angel and Jeremiah got up early as well, as there was a fight for who got to use the bathroom first, despite arguing next to Evelyn’s room.

In seconds, it sounded like Bobby and Angel came to blows, while Jeremiah slipped past them. It almost worked, until Jeremiah called out as someone either tripped him or grabbed him. There was shouting, cursing the sound of punches landing. Jack slipped out of the closet, closing the door and moving to stand in the center of the room. He watched as the Mercer brothers fought each other viciously over the use for the bathroom.

Bobby had Angel in a headlock, while Angel had Jeremiah pinned under his foot. “You punch like a baby, Angel,” Bobby taunted, though he winced as Angel punched him in the kidney. “Ooh, there ya go. You're almost punching like a nine year old girl!”

Jack’s eyes widened as he saw the brothers fight. That was the first time they were themselves since his arrival. He never thought of any of them as violent, but they were throwing punches and each other around the small hallway, always making sure never to bump Evelyn’s door.

Jeremiah was able to get up as he swept Bobby’s legs out from under him, which took Bobby and Angel down. As he got to his feet, ready to proclaim his victory over the other two, he froze when he saw Jack. Angel took that as a chance and tackled his older brother. Angel jumped up almost instantly and turned on Bobby, freezing when he saw what caught Jeremiah’s attention.

“Shit,” Angel muttered behind the hand that was wiping blood from a split lip.

Bobby turned around. “Oh, hey, fairy. Where did you crawl out from?” He stepped into the room and Jack ran to the bed, sliding under it and curling into a ball, fighting to remove the images of the people that were meant to be his family fighting like wolves over a carcass.

Jeremiah pushed Bobby out of the way, his quest for the bathroom forgotten as he got on his knees and elbows, peering under the bed. “Jackie, you can come out. We’re not gonna hurt ya.”

“Go to the bathroom, Angel. I think you need it more than all of us. Gotta wash your hair, right?” Bobby laughed and entered the room, joining Jeremiah on the floor. “Look, man,” he began as Jeremiah glanced at him. “Brothers fight, sometimes. We don’t hurt each other.”

“We do it outta love, Jackie,” Jeremiah said soothingly and Jack slowly opened his eyes.

“Love?” Jack asked and glanced at his arms. He flinched as memories flooded his mind.

“Hey, what those fucks did to you wasn’t love, fairy,” Bobby stated sternly, which made Jack look at him. “We’re a little rough around the edges…I guess?”

“Very rough,” Jeremiah agreed quietly and punched Bobby’s shoulder when Bobby punched his. “But we never hurt each other for fun.”

“Not if you don’t count throwing Angel out of his window to see if he’d fly, Jerry,” Bobby stated and received a glare from Jeremiah.

“ _Not_ the time or place, Bobby! …And I wanted to see if he’d fit through the window if he was traveling fast enough.” He paused for a moment. “And I was right; he did.”

Jack stared at Jeremiah. Unable to stop himself, he laughed at the way Jeremiah worded and defended himself from _throwing_ his younger brother out a window. He ignored the shocked eyes of Bobby and Jeremiah on him as he enjoyed the tickling feeling that the laughter was giving him. He could only imagine Evelyn’s face when Jeremiah used that excuse on her.

Jeremiah and Bobby exchanged glances, both deciding that Jack was insane enough to fit in with them, even if he couldn’t stand to see them fighting. Once Angel was out of the bathroom, Jeremiah took the opportunity to dash to the room and close the door.

“Come on out, fairy.” Bobby backed away and got to his feet. “We’re having pancakes for breakfast.”

Jack crawled out from under the bed and brushed off the glitter. “P-Pancakes?”

Bobby cocked an eyebrow. “You’ve never had pancakes?” Jack shook his head. Evelyn was more a fan of waffles than pancakes. “Head down to the kitchen. I need to wake up a little more before I get started.”

Jack nodded and ran down to the kitchen. He soon discovered why Evelyn didn’t come out of her bedroom while the boys were fighting. She was downstairs, brewing coffee as she stirred a batter. She looked over at him and smiled, taking in the glitter that didn’t seem to bother the young boy. However, she knew that she would never get the glitter out of the house.

“Good morning, Jackie,” she greeted as she added chocolate chips to the batter.

“G-Good m-morning.”

“Did you sleep well?”

Jack looked around, making sure that Bobby was nowhere near to correct him. He really didn’t want Evelyn worrying about him. “Y-Yeah,” he answered and heard running thumps as Angel came down the stairs.

“You okay, Jackie?” Angel asked as he grabbed a handful of the chocolate chips, despite Evelyn swatting at his hand. Jack nodded. “Good. You’ll get used to it.” He grinned and ruffled Jack’s hair, saying that he had to run an errand.

“Oh, bullshit,” Bobby said as he entered the kitchen, pulling a shirt on. “If you’re gonna lie, Angel, at least make it believable, man.”

“Shut the hell up, Bobby,” Angel snapped and then kissed Evelyn’s cheek. “I’ll be back in about two hours, Ma.”

“Be safe, Angel.”

“Always am, Ma,” Angel said and smirked childishly at Bobby. “Always am.”

Bobby shook his head as Angel left, telling Evelyn to sit down and he’d take over. Jack looked between the two others, trying to figure out what happened. Bobby didn’t seem like the kind of person to let someone else win an argument, no matter how small it was. However, he seemed to let Angel go without much of a fight, but he also knew that Evelyn was aware of something else.

Jack stood beside Bobby, watching as he poured the batter into a pan. He tilted his head as he watched small bubbles form and then pop on the surface. Somehow knowing that it needed to be flipped, Bobby did just that. Jack frowned and blinked, looking up at Bobby. He smirked and winked, saying he’d reveal the secret to perfect pancakes one day.

oOo

Bobby stayed in the house for the next month, which didn’t bother Jack. What bothered him was the fact that Bobby was sleeping on the bed. For the last two nights, Jack was completely unable to sleep, knowing that there was someone else in there with him. His neck was starting to hurt from staring up at the bottom of the bed, as he curled up and tried to remind himself that Bobby had never hurt him. However, Jack soon realized that nearing seventy-two hours of no sleep played dangerous tricks on his mind.

His eyes snapped to the corner he usually cowered in. They widened as he saw tentacles stretching out to him, blood red eyes watching him, spiked jaws drooling at the idea of eating him. His young mind wasn’t prepared to deal with that, despite knowing it wasn’t real. He looked back at the bottom of the bed and then over at the corner again, breathing out slowly when he saw it was empty.

Gripping his backpack, Jack shimmied along the floor and slipped out from under the bed at the foot. He glanced over his shoulder and saw that Bobby was out of it. He opened the door and gasped, dropping his backpack. He took two steps back as the man entered the room and his knees gave out. Unable to take his eyes from the hallucination before him, Jack was unaware that Bobby had woken as his butt hit the floor.

 _Good, you do remember._ Jack could hear someone saying something, but he couldn’t take his eyes off the man as he undid the leather belt around his slacks. He flinched and swallowed a scream as the man cracked the belt. The sound seemed to echo around his mind. Already, he could feel the pain on the back of his thighs and his back. He could feel the blood running from the welts that split. The man laughed cruelly as tears of sheer terror welled in Jack’s eyes, but he refused to let them fall.

“Jack!”

Bobby’s face suddenly took up Jack’s vision and the overhead light was turned. Jack blinked. The man was gone. Jeremiah was standing in the doorway, rubbing an eye as he looked around. Jack stared at Bobby, trying to understand what just happened. He could faintly hear Bobby telling him to breathe.

“Fuck,” Jeremiah muttered as he crouched beside Bobby. “When was the last time he slept?”

“No idea, Jerry. Jackie, breathe, man!”

The snap of the leather belt made Jack flinch. He slowly turned his head to his favorite corner and saw the man standing there. He smirked. In one step, he was standing beside Jack, raising his arm. Just as the belt ‘made contact,’ Jack released a scream that had the neighborhood dogs howling and barking. It also brought Angel and Evelyn racing into the room.

“What’s wrong?” Evelyn demanded as she pushed Bobby and Jeremiah out of the way.

“I don’t know, Ma. I think he’s seein’ stuff,” Bobby answered as he hovered behind her anxiously. “What do we do?” Bobby tilted his head. “For a kid that held his breath for a minute, he sure can scream.”

Jack’s scream last another thirty seconds, before he blinked. The tears that had gathered in his eyes trickled down his cheek and he touched the wetness, looking at his fingertips. His eyes widened and he looked at Evelyn, swallowing thickly and trying to figure out why his throat was sore. He got to his feet, before his world turned black and he collapsed, falling into Evelyn’s waiting arms.

When he opened his eyes, Jack looked around the room and instantly recognized the stench of industrial strength sterilizers. He didn’t remember going to the hospital and he couldn’t remember why he was there. In fact, he couldn’t remember much of anything. He flexed his fingers to see if he had any broken bones. He froze and looked at his left hand, which was being held.

Jeremiah woke up the moment Jack’s fingers twitched. He wiped the sleep from his eyes and forced them to focus on his baby brother. “You’re awake,” he stated and smothered a yawn. “Are you okay, man? You’ve been out for like two days. Docs said something about stress.”

Jack blinked and looked to the door when it opened. Bobby stormed in and Jack was terrified he was going to receive a slap or a punch for ending up in the hospital. Jack’s eyes widened and his mouth fell open as Bobby hugged him tightly for a few moments and then released him, glaring at the kid. Jeremiah said he needed to call Evelyn and left the room. Jack lowered his eyes to the white covers of the bed and idly plucked at a thread, wanting to find anything to keep his attention off the anger in Bobby’s eyes.

“I _told_ you to talk to us about those nightmares!” he hissed and Jack winced. “No, instead you gotta scare yourself shitless and end up in hospital, making Ma look like a bad caregiver!”

“S-She isn’t…I d-didn’t m-m—”

“Spit it out!” Bobby ordered and Jack jumped, staring up at him, trembling where he sat.

“I’m s-s-sorry.”

The anger seemed to drain out of Bobby almost instantly, as he collapsed into the chair Jeremiah was sitting in. He sighed and shook his head. “Don’t be sorry, fairy. You’re only eleven and the doc reckons your stress levels are around a Fortune 500 CEO that’s being audited every week.” He sighed again. “Fuck, fairy. You scared us all!”

Jack stared at Bobby. With the anger mostly gone, he could see the concern. “W-Why d-do y-you care?” he finally managed to say.

Bobby sat forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Because what happened to you wasn’t right. Because what happened to all of us wasn’t right. Whether you like it or not, fairy, you’re stuck with us.” Bobby stood up and placed a hand on Jack’s shoulder, seeing the guilt, shame and the spark of fear that wouldn’t go away creep into the baby blues. “Once a Mercer, always a Mercer. Say it.”

Jack blinked and tilted his head. “Once a M-Mercer, always a M-Mercer,” he whispered, ducking his head. After the hell he put them through, he doubted he was truly worthy of that name that Bobby held in such high esteem. He gasped softly when he was slapped upside the head.

“Say it again.”

Jack mumbled it again, only to be slapped across the back of the head and Bobby telling him to say it again. Jack gritted his teeth and glared at Bobby. “Once a Mercer, always a Mercer!” he finally shouted, exhaling shakily when Bobby smirking knowingly and then ruffled his hair.

“You’re adorable, fairy.” Bobby’s eyes softened for just a moment, which made Jack curious. It passed and Bobby stepped back from the bed. “You hungry?”

Knowing that he couldn’t ask about the look, Jack just nodded. “Y-Yeah.”

 

oOo


	2. Chapter II

**~Shadow of Blue~**

 

**By:** Aerys Krystie.

 

oOo

 

**Age 13**

Jack inhaled deeply, calming his nerves as he stared at his reflection in the mirror. He was finally getting more than a couple of hours rest a night; it was now like three or four hours. He was looking a lot healthier and for the most part, he was speaking more. Bobby had been right. The more he spoke, the less he stuttered. It only really became noticeable when he was scared or excited.

“Once a Mercer, always a Mercer,” he recited and felt the spark of pride that came with those words. He smirked and nodded, leaving the bathroom and going to the bedroom. He opened the closet and grabbed the hoodie that Jeremiah got him for Christmas last year.

Pulling it on, Jack looked at his tattered backpack. Evelyn had offered to get him a new one, but Jack refused. That backpack had been with him for as long as he could remember. It reminded of where he came from and he couldn’t lose that. He needed to remember how far he’d come while living with Evelyn Mercer and her sons. If he ever forgot anything about himself, he doubted he’d be able to continue living.

If asked about his new found confidence, Jack would say that it had been a long, _long_ uphill struggle. Bobby had him recite the Mercer line every time they were in the same room, which seemed to bring a smile to Evelyn’s face as he lost the stutter with it. Once Bobby left again, Jack found himself doing it every time he thought Bobby would be in the same room as him. He couldn’t explain it, but those words became a mantra for him. He was proud to introduce himself as Jack Mercer.

Before he left the bedroom, he paused and glanced at the bed. He still hadn’t slept in it, which he knew Bobby would ream him out for. However, he still felt safer under the bed, despite growing four inches in the last month. He also knew that Bobby needed somewhere a little more comfortable to sleep.

In all honesty, Jack still sat on the floor in front of the sofa or beside it. He couldn’t really talk to the comfort level of it. He figured it had some appeal, as Angel and Jeremiah would sit there for hours, staring at the idiot box, before something was said and they’d get into a half-hearted fight, grow bored and then rinse and repeat.

His eyes strayed to the bedside chest, where The Cat in the Hat lay. His mind was drawn to Jeremiah, who was working hard in his new job. He had spoken about proposing to Camille soon and wanted to have enough money to move into a house. As it was, he was already getting ready to move out into an apartment not far from the family home.

Jack blinked as he heard Angel’s voice getting louder. He closed his eyes when he heard Sofi. She was a sweet woman, when she wasn’t around Bobby who enjoyed teasing the shit out of her. If Angel and Sofi were shouting it usually meant that Bobby was in the room or was mentioned. That wasn’t going to end well, as Jack was still trying to get used to all the changes happening around him. He wasn’t sure how much longer Angel was going to be staying with them.

He could hear Evelyn trying to calm the situation, since it seemed that Sofi and Angel were heading for one of their weekly break ups. Jeremiah knocked on the door and opened it, asking him if he wanted to go somewhere for lunch while Ma sorted out the mess of Sofi and Angel. Jack nodded, wanting to get away from the shouting so badly.

Jack zipped up his hoodie and followed Jeremiah down the stairs. He was surprised how far he’d come from cowering whenever the shouting took place to just slapping his hands over his ears, trying desperately to block it out. Jeremiah called out that they were heading out to eat and Evelyn told him to drive safe.

Slipping into the passenger seat of Jeremiah’s ‘new’ car, Jack buckled up and stared at the almost cloudless blue sky of summer. He closed his eyes for a moment, just enjoying the company of Jeremiah, since he didn’t really talk much while he was driving. Jack, however, was surprised when Jeremiah drove a fair distance to a McDonald’s restaurant.

Jeremiah parked the car and opened the door, which made Jack cock an eyebrow. He wasn’t expecting to go inside and eat. However, he got the feeling that Jeremiah wanted to talk him about something and Jack couldn’t begin to guess what it was. He followed the older teen into the building and they stood in line. Jeremiah stared at the menu, asking Jack if he knew what he wanted.

Jack nodded and told Jeremiah that he wanted a cheeseburger Happy Meal. Jeremiah’s head snapped to him and he raised an eyebrow, asking if that was _all_ he wanted. Jack nodded again, really only wanting the toy that came with the meal. He was too nervous about the talk he knew was coming to think about eating. Once their order was taken, Jeremiah took them over to an empty booth in the back of the restaurant.

They sat in silence, until their order number was called. Jeremiah got their food and came back in a few moments, handing the small coke to Jack. The youngster sipped the drink, watching the people that were lined up to order. Jeremiah pushed the box over to him and Jack opened it, pulling out the silly figurine that was wrapped in plastic. He saw that it was blue and red and opened it, tilting his head. It looked like some kind of robot, but he wasn’t going to complain.

Jeremiah ate his food slowly, watching as Jack played with the toy and ignored his food. He finally ordered his little brother to eat something and Jack pouted slightly, but pulled out the chips and nibbled on one. Jeremiah shook his head and put down his half eaten burger, wiping his mouth with a napkin. Jack took his time with eating one chip, before Jeremiah finally sighed.

“How are ya doin’, Jackie?” Jeremiah asked, stirring the straw in his drink.

Jack looked up sharply and tilted his head. He thought about the words and shrugged. “Good. You?”

Jeremiah chuckled and nodded. “I can’t complain. Work is goin’ great and so are things with Camille. You seem…happier, even with Angel and Sofi tearin’ into each other.”

Jack gazed at Jeremiah, agreeing completely. Life didn’t seem as bad as it did a couple of years ago, when he first joined the Mercer household. Somehow, without much effort — or so Jack thought, not knowing what a huge undertaking it was for the Mercers’ — Angel, Evelyn and Jeremiah wore down his defenses. It was the longest he’d ever been in a home before that he felt he could calm down and finally come to accept that he was a Mercer.

“It feels…” Jack trailed off and tried to think of the right word to describe how he felt. He was curious as to why Angel, Evelyn and Jeremiah wanted to know how exactly he felt. That seemed to be the flavor of the month. “…Nice.”

Jeremiah smiled, nodded and went back to his meal. Jack shrugged, opening his burger. He took a bite of it and then went back to playing with the toy. Jeremiah finished and sat back, sipping his drink as he watched Jack. He grinned and shook his head, knowing that Jack probably wanted to run around somewhere as he moved around in the booth.

“You finished eatin’?” Jeremiah asked and nodded towards the food that was probably cold. Jack glanced at it and nodded. Jeremiah raised an eyebrow. He knew that Jack was always going to be a skinny kid, as he’d seen him pack away more food than Angel and barely gained a pound. Then there were times that Jack was full after a couple of mouthfuls.

Collecting their rubbish, Jeremiah took it to a bin and slipped the tray into the holder. He beckoned for Jack to follow as he left the restaurant. Jack jogged after Jeremiah and ran around the car as Jeremiah had his first cigarette of the day, after promising Camille he’d quit. Jeremiah just watched as Jack burned off his excess energy, missing the days when he could do that.

Jeremiah finished the cigarette and got into the car. Jack followed suit and buckled up as they drove back home. From the outside they couldn’t hear any shouting and figured that Evelyn was able to settle Angel and Sofi down. Jack and Jeremiah wiped their feet before they entered the house, not surprised to see Evelyn coming out of the kitchen. She smiled warmly at her boys.

“I’m going to the grocery store,” she said and Jack tilted his head. “Did you want to join me, Jackie?”

Jack nodded, while Jeremiah mentioned that Jack was a ball of energy. Evelyn thanked Jeremiah for taking him out of the house and grabbed her car keys. Jack jumped down the front steps and bounced over to the car, not bothering to question why Evelyn needed more groceries, since she had picked up the weeks worth only a few days ago.

The drive to the store wasn’t as quiet as the one with Jeremiah and it wasn’t as long, either. Evelyn loved to play the cassette tape, which was filled with old-time love songs. She always sang along and Jack found he would sway in time with the beat. Evelyn parked and Jack slipped out of the car, running to grab a cart, which he de toured from as he saw that a music shop had opened up beside the store.

Jack stared through the front window, watching as the people milled around. His eyes landed on a blue guitar and he fell in love for the first time in his life. He stepped into the shop and approached the guitar, sliding the toy into his pocket as he reached out to take hold of it. He flinched when someone grabbed his wrist and looked up at a woman with piercings in her lips, dark lipstick and hair that was teased up. She was chewing gum and her dark eyes were made darker with the black eye-shadow and liner she had on.

“What are you doin’ in here, kid?”

“Let go of him,” Evelyn ordered with a level voice.

The woman did as she was told and stepped back. “We had some punk in here, a couple of days ago that decided to break three of our guitars. I wasn’t gonna run the risk of another doin’ that.”

Jack’s eyes widened. How could anyone destroy something to beautiful? While Evelyn assured the woman that Jack was nothing like that, he grabbed hold of the guitar, surprised at how amazing it felt in his hands. He looked at the neck, seeing the bars. He strummed his fingers over the strings and his eyes came to life at the sound.

“Do you know how to play it, kid?” the woman asked as she crouched down, her demeanor changing the instant she saw how happy Jack was.

Jack shook his head, tightening string five and placing his fingers on the neck. He applied the pressure, loving the way the steel string pressed into his tender fingertips. He plucked at the strings, thinking of the last song that was playing in the car. He moved his hand up and down the neck, memorizing the correct sounds and where his fingers were.

Unfortunately, after only a few minutes, Evelyn said that they had to leave. Jack hid his heartbreak as he handed the guitar back to the woman and followed Evelyn out of the shop and into the grocery store. He looked down at his hand, seeing the indents from the strings and smiled. He pulled out his toy and looked into the eyes of the toy, which looked more like headlights than eyes. He nodded at it, deciding that he was going to be a guitar player.

Jack ran up and down the aisles, making sure he could see Evelyn at all times. He knew that Evelyn couldn’t afford the guitar he’d grown attached to and he sure as hell couldn’t. He needed to forget about it for just a short while, especially since the woman in the store would say he needed to have lessons as well, which was another cost.

Evelyn got what she needed and headed for a check out. She petted Jack’s hair, asking if he wanted a haircut. Jack hadn’t thought that much about his hair. It fell into his face, which allowed him to hide away when he was in sight. However, the longer back was getting annoying. He shrugged and nodded, saying that he wanted the back short. Evelyn smiled as she loaded the groceries onto the conveyor belt. She paid and took the bags to the car, with the Jack jogging ahead of her.

After helping Evelyn put the bags in the trunk, Jack cast another longing glance at the music shop. He heaved a sigh and pushed it to the back of his mind, knowing that it wouldn’t happen immediately. He slipped into the passenger seat and watched as the streets moved by. Evelyn pulled into the driveway and parked. Jack grabbed two of the bags and ran into the kitchen through the back door.

Dumping the bags on the counter, Jack looked up and blinked as Bobby sat at the kitchen table. “Hey.”

Bobby looked up from the newspaper and smirked. “Ahh, Cracker Jack! And how’s the youngest Mercer?”

Jack rolled his eyes at the nickname, but secretly, he preferred it over fairy. ‘Good,” he answered and grabbed the groceries for the fridge.

“Bobby,” Evelyn greeted as she entered. “I wasn’t expecting you until tonight.”

Bobby stood and took the bag from Evelyn’s arm, kissing her cheek. “Let’s just say that traffic was good.” Evelyn narrowed her eyes in a mock warning, knowing that the damage was already done. “I’m in one piece,” Bobby defended and started putting away the cans of his favorite soup.

Jack finished putting away the groceries in his bag and ran upstairs, placing his toy on the bedside chest, right beside The Cat in the Hat. He saw his clean clothing stacked neatly on the bed. He grabbed it and put it away into the correct drawers. Despite his appearance seeming messy, Jack loved order. He loved knowing where everything was, which was why he hated it when Bobby left. He had no idea where the oldest Mercer boy would be and once Jeremiah and Angel left…Jack refused to think about it, until it happened.

Evelyn called him down and Jack pulled a tendril of hair over his shoulder, telling it that it was going to die. He ran downstairs and went into the kitchen. Evelyn was standing behind a chair with a pair of scissors in her hand and a towel in the other. Jack sat down and held up his hair as Evelyn set the towel around his shoulder. He felt the comb going through his hair.

“Did you want the top cut, too?”

“Not really. I like it long on the top.”

“Okay.”

Jack kept as still as possible as Evelyn cut his hair. His eyes strayed over to Bobby, who was reading the newspaper with a cup of coffee. He shifted in the chair and was told to stay still. Evelyn worked as quickly as she could, knowing that Jack only sat still when _he_ wanted to. If anyone else wanted him to stand still, he wouldn’t be able to do it. There was a small rebellious streak in him and Evelyn prayed it stayed that small.

After fifteen minutes, Jack was getting antsy. Evelyn was constantly telling him to stay still or she could get his ear. Jack huffed impatiently, wanting her to finish so he could see what it looked like. After what felt like an eternity, Evelyn finally said she was done and pulled the towel off Jack’s shoulders. He stood up and fluffed the hell out of his hair, which was still awesomely long on top. He ran up the stairs and into the bathroom, staring at his reflection.

The dark circles under his eyes looked worse on his pale skin. He looked at his hair and grinned. Evelyn had shortened the sides and kept just the top long. He pulled it down and found that it fell to just under his eyes, instead of past his chin. He wasn’t sure if he liked that, but he did love the way his hair swayed without the split ends making it frizzy. It looked and felt smoother.

Jack grinned, running a hand through his hair and flipping it to the left. He tilted his head, loving the way it fell and moved. He left the bathroom, running down the stairs and back to the kitchen. He hugged Evelyn tightly, not caring that he just scattered his cut hair around the kitchen again. It seemed that Evelyn didn’t mind either, as she said nothing about it and just stood there. It was the first time Jack willingly touched someone.

oOo

With a deep breath, Jack opened the bedroom door and stepped out. He had his backpack on his shoulder, filled with notebooks, textbooks and his lunch. He was going to school for the first time in two years and he wasn’t sure what to expect. Jeremiah told him that school was pretty awesome, except when the teachers had no idea what they were talking about, which happened often. Angel said that it was a great place to meet new people and chicks. Bobby didn’t say a damn thing about school.

Bobby agreed to drop Angel and Jack off, as he had to catch up with some old buddies. Jack inhaled shakily, looking down at his worn shoes. His jeans were ripped at the knees and he wasn’t sure if he’d be allowed to keep on the studded belt and chain. He tugged down on the white tee-shirt he wore under a black denim jacket that appeared in his closet a couple of nights ago.

He went down the stairs, fluffing his hair. Evelyn reminded him that he had to go to the office in order to get his class schedule. Jack nodded and Angel laughed, telling Bobby that he should head in. Evelyn cleared her throat and told Jack not to mention who dropped him off, as the school had a restraining order against Bobby, which made Jack raise an eyebrow.

“How—?”

Bobby shook his head and dropped an arm around Jack’s shoulders, ignoring the way he tensed up. “I’m sure you’ll hear somethin’ about little, ol’ me today. Most of it’ll be bullshit, anyway,” he explained as Angel opened the front door and they left.

Jack climbed into the backseat and buckled up when Bobby told him to do so. Angel and Bobby talked about hockey and other stuff, which ended when Bobby pulled up in front of the high school. Angel wished Jackie a good first day and slipped out of the car. Heading for the middle school, Jack tried to keep his racing heart calm. It wasn’t working.

Bobby pulled up to the curb and turned in his seat. “Here you are, fairy.”

Jack stared out the window, watching as the kids milled around before the first bell sounded. He looked at Bobby, unsure of what he was looking for. He assumed it was assurance that he wasn’t going to get the shit kicked out of him or that he wasn’t going to be in a living hell. However, all he got was a smirk and told to get out of the car.

With a nod, Jack slipped out and adjusted his backpack, before he went to close the door. “Cracker Jack,” Bobby called and Jack looked at him. “Just remember that you’re a Mercer now. The teachers ain’t gonna go easy on ya and the kids are gonna wanna take out a Mercer. If _anyone_ gives you shit, you tell me.”

Jack blinked, deciding that he could handle middle school. He didn’t have to run to his big brothers about every little thing. Instead of saying that, he simply nodded and closed the car door.

“Hey, Mercer!” someone shouted and Jack turned around, staring at a middle aged man that was glaring at Bobby. “You aren’t allowed within five hundred yards of this school! Get the hell outta here, before I call the cops.”

Bobby stared at the man and something must’ve entered his eyes, because the man that Jack assumed was a teacher, swallowed and stepped back. Jack wondered what it took to have that kind of effect on people. _No one_ fucked with Angel, Bobby or Jeremiah. The Mercers had some kind of power that Jack needed to get his hands on, so no one would mess with him.

Feeling a little better about what it meant to be a Mercer, Jack squared his shoulders and walked up the path towards the doors. He ignored the way the others stared at him, asking who he was. He hadn’t spent more than five seconds on school ground when he was approached by a woman in her twenties. He blinked at her, keeping his face blank. He hadn’t done anything wrong…yet.

“You must be Jack,” she said and smiled, which faltered slightly when Jack only blinked at her. “Follow me and I’ll take you to the office.”

Jack was going to assume that Evelyn had rung ahead and gotten an old friend to look out for him. He said nothing as he walked a step behind her and into the building. He winced as the shouts, screams and slamming lockers assaulted his ears. He looked at the cheap locks on the lockers and raised an eyebrow. How were those meant to keep anything safe?

He was taken to the office and the woman approached another behind a counter. “I need the class schedule for Jack Mercer,” she said quietly, glancing around.

“Not _another_ one,” the woman behind the counter muttered and looked at Jack. “The study hall has only just stopped smelling of smoke, thanks to Angel Mercer’s visit here. And they still haven’t gotten the frog guts off the ceiling in the science lab from Bobby Mercer.” Jack cocked an eyebrow and tried not to laugh at the idea of Bobby blowing up frogs.

“I don’t think it’s fair to compare Jack to his brothers,” the woman said with a stern voice. The one behind the counter nodded and handed over a sheet of paper. “Thank you.” She turned to Jack and held out the paper. “I’ll take you to your first class.”

Jack looked down at the schedule and saw that he had English first and inhaled deeply, following the woman. The halls were empty, since the second bell rang. Jack made a note of where he was taken, memorizing the path back to the office in case he needed help. He stood outside and waited as the woman knocked on the door and whispered to the teacher quickly about the new student.

The teacher nodded and opened the door. “Good luck, Jack,” the woman said and headed back the way they came.

Jack stepped into the room and raised his chin. “Class, we have a new student,” the teacher said and Jack tried not to roll his eyes. Clearly, he was the new student. “This is…Jack M…Mercer…”

Jack looked at the man that had introduced him and saw him flinch as a memory hit him and touched the back of his head. He had no idea what his brothers had done to this poor man, but it was something terrible for the name Mercer to incite a flinch. He could see that the teacher was seconds from falling into the fetal position, before he cleared his throat and gestured for Jack to sit in one of the vacant desks.

With a slight shrug, Jack did just that. He sat beside a beefy blond haired boy that stared at him. He rolled his shoulders and tried to ignore the prying eyes of his neighbor, while the teacher started going on about their lesson. Jack finally looked at the boy and raised an eyebrow in question. The other ran his eyes judgmentally over him and then sniffed, looking at the teacher.

It was going to be a _great_ day.

 

The day was actually boring and uneventful, until lunch rolled around. Jack looked over the cafeteria, deciding it was too noisy for his liking. He left the school building and sat at one of the tables that were bolted down outside. He hadn’t even slipped his bag from his shoulder before he heard a pack approaching him from the right. They were whispering and Jack glanced at them.

The beefy blond from English was leading the group. “So, you’re the newest fuck up at the Mercer house, huh?” he asked with a sneer.

“And you’re a spineless piece of shit,” Jack said quietly, slipping his backpack from his shoulder.

“What the fuck did you just say to me, you little bitch?” the boy demanded, slamming his hand on the table.

“I said, ‘you’re a spineless piece of shit,’ because you can’t confront me without a gang to back you up. Grow a set of balls before you lose what little you do have.” Jack fought to keep his hands steady as he unzipped the bag. He had no idea how he was keeping his voice so calm when he scared. He was terrified of what this kid and his gang was going to do to him.

The kid’s eyes widened and his nostrils flared with anger. Jack tensed as he got ready for the punch, which happened a few seconds later as the gang kept telling him  they were going to make him pay for what he said. Jack slipped under the table and rolled out from under the bench. He glared at the kid that would attack him while he was sitting down. He doubted the kid would ever understand how cowardly that was.

The problem was Jack knew he was grossly outnumbered. The group seemed to catch onto his thinking as they jumped him as a mob. He gritted his teeth as they kicked and punched him. He covered his head, refusing to cry out as he felt the blows hitting him. Two of them grabbed his arms and forced them behind his back as the beefy blond stood in front of him, smirking as though he’d won some kind of battle.

“Bobby put my big brother in hospital and that’s exactly where I’m gonna send you!”

Jack winced as his face was assaulted. He could feel blood flowing from his nose. His eye was swelling and his cheek and jaw were throbbing. His lip was split and the inside of his cheek split on his teeth. However, the beat down only lasted a few minutes as the kid was out of shape. While he stood back, panting heavily, Jack spat the blood out of his mouth and kicked the kid in the groin, which brought him down to his knees, holding his junk.

With narrowed eyes, Jack kicked the kid across the side of the head and sent the other side into the bench. He heard the gang curse and released him, thinking they were scared of him. Unfortunately, the English teacher had come outside and found Jack standing over an unconscious body. The man sighed and muttered something about the Mercers’ being the same.

Thankfully, when he saw the state of Jack, he sent him to the nurse’s office. Jack nodded and head back inside, after grabbing his backpack. He didn’t bother to find the nurse’s office and instead found the nearest male bathroom. He stepped inside and took a deep breath, looking at his reflection and flinched. He looked like he was mauled by an animal. He raised his shirt and saw that bruises were already forming on his torso. He dropped the cloth and grabbed a handful of tissue paper from a stall and cleaned up his face as much as he could. He was going to be in so much trouble with Evelyn.

 

 

When the final bell rang, Jack grabbed his backpack and walked out of the classroom. He hadn’t been able to concentrate on the lesson, which was algebra. He waited for the others to file out of the room, before he trailed after them. He went with the flow out of the building and saw Bobby’s car waiting in the car park. Suddenly, Jack was missing his extra long fringe.

He moved to the side of the doors, not sure if he wanted to get in the same car as Bobby while he looked the way he did. He couldn’t go one day without getting the shit kicked out of him. Somehow, from that distance, Bobby seemed to recognize him as he got out and waved him over. Jack inhaled and exhaled shakily, heading down the steps and towards the car, keeping his head down.

“Hey, Cracker Jack! How was your first day of school?” Bobby asked as Jack slipped into the backseat and sat behind the driver’s seat.

“Fine,” he mumbled, bringing a knee to his chest so he could rest his forehead on it.

“Anyone give you—?”

“No.”

Bobby arched a brow as he slipped into the car. He started the engine and glanced at Jack through the side mirror. “So, you didn’t send a kid to the hospital today?” he asked as he pulled out and onto the street.

Jack winced, which made his face hurt more than it already did. He brought the other knee to his chest, closing his eyes and trying to calm down. He knew that Evelyn was going to be disappointed and angry with him. He was nothing but a thug. He didn’t need to send the kid to the hospital and could’ve stopped at the kick to the groin. But for that split moment before he decided on the second kick, Jack didn’t feel so helpless. He didn’t _need_ his brothers to fight for him.

The drive didn’t last nearly as long as Jack thought it would. He didn’t want to face Evelyn. He didn’t want to see the disappointment in her usually warm eyes. Bobby turned off the car and got out, bringing his seat forward. He unbuckled Jack and pulled out, forcing his head up. His eyes widened for a split second, before they narrowed and darkened with anger.

Bobby slammed his car door and dragged Jack into the kitchen through the back door. He sat Jack down at the table and ran upstairs. He returned a minute later with the first aid box in his hand. Jack flinched as Bobby dabbed antiseptic cream onto the cut on his lip.

“The kid you sent to the hospital… Did he do this?”

Jack lowered his eyes as Bobby opened a bottle of witch hazel. “Yeah,” he breathed, wrapping his arms around his abdomen. He didn’t want Bobby going to jail if he discovered that others were involved.

Bobby dampened a cotton ball with the witch hazel and gently worked it into the bruising around the eye. He sat back after a moment, gazing at Jack with an indifferent gaze. His face suddenly broke into a somewhat proud and sadistic grin and he ruffled Jack’s hair. “You’re a fuckin’ Mercer, all right.”

Jack just stared at Bobby, wondering if he could some answers to the questions he had. “Did Angel really burn down the study hall?”

Bobby smirked. “He followed in my footsteps. I burnt that fucker down twice, before they finally had me expelled.” He shrugged and wet another cotton ball with the witch hazel. “Take off your shirt and jacket.”

Jack shook his head and went to stand, only to have Bobby’s strong hand on his shoulder, forcing him to stay seated. Bobby once again reminded him that they all had scars. He showed Jack the long slice down his left arm, which he received when some fucker ran over his arm in his skates during a game. Jack gazed at Bobby’s bicep, marveling at the muscle definition, but also at the scar that most definitely wasn’t from hockey.

“Did you get that while playing hockey?”

Bobby looked at the bullet scar and chuckled. “Actually, yeah, I did. It was a pick up game and some fucker decided to settle an old score while I was distracted. Thankfully, Jerry saw him and managed to push me out of the way.” He shrugged. “You’re turn, Cracker Jack.”

Swallowing thickly, Jack removed the jacket and then hesitantly pulled the tee-shirt off. He heard Bobby growl as he saw the bruises. He jumped when he felt the cotton ball on his skin. Bobby kept his head down as he worked the witch hazel into Jack’s damaged skin, until he came across a set of scars that looked similar to something he had on his back.

“Are those electrical scars?” he asked, not surprised when Jack jumped up and pulled his shirt back on. “Take this and finish your front. Did the cowardly fuckers get your back?”

Jack shook his head as he took the bottle of witch hazel and went up to the bedroom. He closed the door and sat beside the bed, hanging his head. He couldn’t believe that Bobby would ask about the scars. Why would he want to bring up those memories, after Jack had finally managed to suppress most of them? He sighed quietly when his door was opened. Bobby threw the bag of cotton balls onto the bed and closed the door again.

Shaking his head and forcing those memories back, Jack stood and removed his shirt. He patted the bruises down with the witch hazel and pulled his shirt back on. He capped the bottle and went down to the kitchen, putting it back into the first aid box, along with the bag of cotton balls. He rolled his shoulders and knew the bruises on them would make sleeping a bitch.

He jumped when something screeched across the table and looked at the slip of ibuprofen. He frowned and looked around, seeing Bobby walking down the hallway. Jack turned his eyes back to the tablets and shook his head. He’d never needed painkillers before and he wasn’t about to start taking them now. He heard Evelyn’s car pull up and hastily closed the box, taking it back to the bathroom. He knew she would want to know about his first day.

“Jack Mercer, you get back down here,” Evelyn stated and Jack froze at the top of the stairs.

Closing his eyes and knitting his brows, Jack inhaled deeply. He opened his eyes and turned around slowly, keeping his head down. He didn’t want Evelyn to see how fucked up he looked and make a fuss about him. He walked down the stairs, but she forced his head up and her eyes widened slightly when she saw the cuts and bruises. He saw Bobby standing in the entrance to the living room.

“Oh, Jackie,” Evelyn breathed and hugged him, which made Jack wince as the bruises were touched. She held for a long moment and then stepped back. “Did you really send him to the hospital?” When Jack nodded, she shook her head with a small, unreadable smile. “You’re a Mercer, all right.”

oOo

The beefy blond kid was out of school for a week and a half, which worked well for Jack. He really didn’t want to deal with that punk. The bruises were healing and he could mostly open his eye. He sat in class, staring at the front blankly; trying to figure out what had him so anxious. He couldn’t shake the feeling that someone was watching him, despite looking around and seeing no one.

Jack rubbed the nape of his neck and wrote down what was needed for his essay on Shakespeare. He would do that over the weekend, as he hadn’t made any friends and that also kind of worked for him. He really didn’t want to know anyone else and his brothers were the only friends he needed.

The bell rang and Jack groaned, wanting to go home and curl up. He packed away his books and hoisted his backpack onto his shoulder, following the streams of kids rushing to get home and start the weekend. The moment he was out the doors, a strong hand grabbed him and threw him down the stairs. Jack moaned quietly and knew that his ribs were bruised. He looked through the faces, trying to figure out who’d be stupid enough to do that.

He saw the beefy kid and a taller, identical version of him walking down the stairs. “That’s the bitch that went for the cheap shot,” the kid said to his older brother.

Jack glared and tried to get to his feet, only to be kicked across the jaw that kept him down. “All right, you little faggot. This is what happens when you mess with the Grahams.”

The air left Jack’s lungs as he kicked savagely in the stomach. The older brother stomped on his back with everything behind him and Jack groaned. He awaited the next blow, but it never came. Instead, he heard a hush fall over the crowd that had gathered around him and his attackers. He looked up and saw that the Graham gang had brought four friends as a back up.

“Bobby Mercer,” the older brother scoffed with a cocky smile. “What could you do against all of us?”

“Oh, we’re gonna show y’all what happens when y’all mess with a Mercer,” Jeremiah said as he stood beside Bobby, which forced the Graham gang to take a step back.

“You fuck with one Mercer, you fuck with all the Mercers,” Angel stated from Bobby’s other side. The Graham gang backed up ran for their lives. The Mercers’ didn’t care about them. None of them had laid a hand on Jack.

“Three on one? You find that fair, Bobby?”

“A grown ass man on one scrawny kid? You find that fair, _Bucky_?” Bobby shot back and punched the guy in the mouth before he could answer. The punch was strong enough to take Buck down to his ass. However, Bobby didn’t stop there. “Guess I better send your dumb ass back to the ICU, huh?”

Jack’s eyes widened as he saw Bobby’s shoulders moving like a piston as he punched Buck. The beefy kid watched as his older brother was beaten, tears rolling down his face at the savagery displayed before him. When Bobby was finished breaking nearly every bone in Buck’s face, he looked up at the kid brother. Something made him scream and lose control of his bladder, before he ran away from the scene.

Jeremiah turned to Jack and noticed he still hadn’t moved. “Can you stand?”

Jack nodded and forced back the pain from his abdomen and back, climbing to his feet. He was gonna walk away from that mess as a proud Mercer. Bobby turned to him and Jack couldn’t stop his eyes widening as he saw blood splattered all over Bobby’s hands, face and clothing. He knew he shouldn’t, but Jack looked at Buck and saw that his face was minced meat, at best. If he was still alive, it would be a miracle.

Sirens were making their way towards the school, which Angel and Jeremiah took as the cue to head for the car. Jack followed as quickly as his damaged ribs and spine would allow. He managed to slip into the backseat beside Angel just as the cops and ambulance showed up. Somehow, it was never said who beat Buck Graham to a pulp in front of that particular middle school. The cops showed up and questioned Bobby, Angel and Jeremiah, but they simply shrugged and gave each other an alibi.

Jack watched from the stairs, his ribs still aching from the tumble and the kick. Bobby looked over at him and winked. _Once a Mercer, always a Mercer_ , Jack thought and smiled.

oOo

 

**Age 14**

During summer break was when Jack felt his life starting to go to hell again. Bobby had disappeared for nine months, missing Thanksgiving and Christmas for a job. However, the first week of June, Bobby was back. The temperature was staying relatively low, which Jack enjoyed. He preferred the cold over the heat, as it seemed much more romantic to him.

Jack was coming down the stairs when Bobby walked through the front door, calling out a greeting on a brisk Saturday morning. The temperature had gone as high as 68, which apparently was enough for Bobby to wear a sleeveless shirt. Jack froze when he saw Bobby. He knew that Bobby was fit — Angel and Jeremiah were, too — but for some reason, Jack couldn’t stop staring at Bobby.

Feeling his little brother’s eyes on him, Bobby looked up and smirked. “Mornin’, fairy,” he greeted and dropped his duffle bag, holding his arms out to the side. “What, no hug for your big brother?”

Jack shook his head and jumped over the banister. He landed on the table there, making sure he didn’t knock over one of the pictures on display and stepped off it, going to the kitchen. He kissed Evelyn on the cheek, grabbing a mug of coffee. Evelyn wasn’t pleased to have him drinking coffee, but she preferred that over him doing drugs or drinking alcohol.

“Good morning, Jackie,” Evelyn greeted as her eyes stayed on the file she was reading. “I’ll have to go into work today. I shouldn’t be gone more than a couple of hours.”

“Yep,” Jack said as he glanced at the newspaper and picked at his waffles.

“Oh, Bobby,” Evelyn said as Bobby entered the kitchen and poured a cup of coffee. “It’s good to have you home again.” She kissed his cheek and closed the file. “There’s still some batter left, if you want to have waffles.”

“Thanks, Ma.”

Jack stared at Bobby’s back, between his shoulders. He knew that Angel and Bobby had tattoos, but he’d never seen Bobby’s before. Somehow, it didn’t seem that surprising that Bobby had ‘No Mercy’ written there. He blinked when Evelyn waved a hand in front of his eyes. Jack blushed and ducked his head, muttering a farewell to her as she picked up her keys and bag.

The moment the front door closed, Jack lowered his head to keep his eyes on something that wasn’t Bobby. “So, you don’t even greet your brothers anymore?” Bobby demanded and Jack sighed softly. “I thought you fairies were meant to be chipper and always happy to see family?”

“Give it a rest, man,” Jack said as he picked up his coffee and headed into the living room. He turned on the television and rolled his eyes when Bobby stood in front of it. Jack kept his anger down. “What?”

“Since when did you become so bitchy?” Bobby’s eyebrows went up in feigned concern. “Is it that time of month for you?”

“Jesus Christ! You walked through the door like three minutes ago and you’re already laying into me?” Jack shook his head and sat in front of the sofa, placing the mug on the table. “Let me wake up first, man.”

“No,” Bobby said rather petulantly.

“Well, then _move_ so I can at least see the screen.”

Bobby frowned, but didn’t move. “You okay, fairy?”

Jack groaned and stood up. “I _was_.” He went up to the bedroom and sat at the desk that was in there. He placed the headphones over his ears and turned up the volume on the song that was playing.

As he stared down at the song he’d written, Jack gripped his fringe. He knew he was being too harsh on Bobby, considering he hadn’t done anything to him, except greet him in his usual manner. However, the nickname was starting to grate on Jack’s last nerve. He looked down at the floorboards near the bed, seeing the glitter that was still there. It kinda was his fault, since he hadn’t slept in the bed.

Turning down the volume, Jack rested the headphones around his neck and stood up. He placed a hand on the bed and snatched it back. He closed his eyes and sighed. Being _on_ the bed made it easier for them to get him and he couldn’t risk it. He opened his eyes, placing the headphones on his desk and going to the closet. He pulled on a hoodie and grabbed his shoes. He pulled them on and headed down the stairs, not surprised to see that Bobby was on the sofa, sprawled out as though he hadn’t left.

“Where’re you goin’, Jackie?” Bobby called, trying to feign disinterest.

“Out.”

Bobby dropped a hand on Jack’s shoulder, which made him jump. He hadn’t heard Bobby even move. “ _Where_?”

Jack rolled his eyes and shrugged the hand off his shoulder. “To the park, so I can—”

“Meet up with your boyfriend?” Bobby finished with a smirk.

Jack narrowed his eyes. “And how do _you_ know about that?” he asked and mimicked Bobby’s smirk. “Had a few late night hook ups with men yourself?”

“Damn,” Bobby drawled and stepped back, placing a hand over his heart and pretending to be hurt. “You finally brought your claws out there, kitty! But I’ve always known your people are sassy.”

Jack turned to Bobby and stood in front. He blinked when he realized that he didn’t have to look up to him. In fact, he had to look down a little. He mentally shook his head and stepped back, deciding he didn’t need to be that close to him anyway. “I’m just goin’ to the park, man.”

“I’ll come with ya, then.”

“ _Why_ are you determined to punish me? What did I do to piss you off?”

“You’re the one that’s gotten pissy with me, fairy. I wanna know why. So, I’m gonna follow you around and around, until you tell me why you’re so angry with me.” Bobby headed for the door, pausing when Jack didn’t move. “C’mon, I’ll even hunt down the ball I had…at some stage in my life, so we can play catch.”

Jack felt defeated. Bobby was going to hang around like a bad smell, regardless of what he did or said. He unzipped his hoodie and headed up to the bedroom, slamming the door. From the bottom of the stairs, he heard Bobby telling him to get his hormones under control. Jack slid down the door and tried to understand why he was so angry with Bobby.

Nothing had changed. Bobby was being Bobby. Jack put it down to having nine months of peace and quiet, as Angel wasn’t all that interested in stirring Jack up and he was spending more and more time out of the house. Jack knew that eventually, it would be just him and Evelyn in the house. Maybe he was tired of Bobby always leaving. But every time he returned, it was as though he never left.

Maybe it had something to do with the fact that… Jack closed his eyes and shook his head. He couldn’t think of his oldest brother like that. So, why was he? The _idea_ of Bobby — strong, protective and loyal — was amazing, but the reality didn’t quite match the fantasy. And Jack was angrier that it came out of _nowhere_ , the sudden attraction. He didn’t know Bobby nearly as well as Angel and Jeremiah, but they were off the table, anyway. Jerry was already looking at rings for Camille.

He put it down to the fact that he was likely going through puberty. He didn’t know what he wanted in a partner, so he was going to what was familiar with him. Bobby might not have been a constant in his life, but held the same characteristics as Angel and Jeremiah. They weren’t nearly as hot-headed as Bobby, though, which was a good thing. They were able to think some things through calmly, unless it came to protecting their home or family. Then all of them were wild animals.

Jack cried out as the door opened forcefully and swept him along the floor. “The fuck, Bobby?” he demanded as he stood up and rubbed his lower back.

Bobby walked in and sat on the bed, holding out a cup of coffee. Jack sighed and took the peace offering. “I was wonderin’ if you were ready to talk about your mood swings.” He took a sip from his mug and watched Jack intently; looking for any sign of stress or abuse.

Jack shrugged and sat in front of the tallboy, stretching his ever growing legs out in front. “I don’t know,” he admitted and tilted his head back for a moment. When he leveled it, he saw the same soft expression in Bobby’s eyes that lasted a moment. “I’m sorry that I snapped at you.”

“You call _that_ snapping, you little fairy?” Bobby snorted and shook his head, downing the last of his coffee. “That wasn’t snapping. Not even close.” He looked over his shoulder and saw that there was dust on the bed covers. “You still aren’t sleeping in the bed?”

“Nope.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s safer _under_ it,” Jack said and closed his eyes. He hadn’t meant to say that. He chanced a glance at Bobby, scared by the fact that Bobby’s expression was blank.

“You still don’t feel safe here?”

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” Jack mumbled and stared down at his coffee.

“Well, too fuckin' bad, Jack!” Bobby shouted and even though Jack was expecting it, he couldn’t stop the flinch. “Have we ever hurt you?”

“That isn’t—”

“Have we ever hit you?” Bobby slammed his mug on the desk and got on a knee in front of Jack, glaring into his eyes. His eyes softened slightly when he saw the fear in his little brother’s baby blues. “We love you, Jack. _Why_ don’t you feel safe? If it isn’t us, then what is it?”

Jack looked down, gazing at the dark liquid in the mug. He winced as Bobby placed a hand on his shoulder. It wasn’t harsh, but it was warm and comforting. It was the kind of soothing hand he wanted to feel from every male in his life, but the ones before the Mercer’s weren’t like that. He swallowed the lump in his throat, refusing to cry in front of Bobby. He hadn’t shed a tear since he arrived there and he was going to keep it that way.

“You can’t keep it bottled up. We’re here for you, fairy.”

Jack nodded slowly and felt Bobby’s hand leave. The secure presence of his oldest brother moved away and Jack glanced up, watching as he moved to the door. “I don’t want you to hate me,” he whispered when Bobby was out of the room and dropped his gaze again.

oOo

The summer seemed to drag on and Jack was begging for it to end. He wanted the distraction of school, since Bobby had decided to hang around longer than Jack thought he would. The temperature was climbing to the high seventies and Bobby seemed to looking for excuses to walk around shirtless, which kept Jack confined to his room. He _wasn’t_ interested in seeing Bobby’s body.

Jack was sketching out Angel and Jeremiah on a scrap piece of paper when someone knocked on his door. He quickly hid the paper and called out for the person to enter. Evelyn asked if he was hungry and Jack shook his head. That would mean going downstairs and he wasn’t ready to face Bobby.

He jumped when he felt a hand on his shoulder and looked into the concerned eyes of Evelyn. “What’s wrong, Jackie?” she asked quietly and sat on the bed.

Jack half smiled and shook his head, turning back to the papers scattered on his desk. Most had scraps of lyrics written on them and others had doodles of people from school, but mostly of the family. Evelyn waited around for a few minutes, before she asked something that made Jack frown.

“Did you want to talk to Bobby? He’s helped Angel and Jeremiah through a lot of problems.”

Jack was about to say ‘fuck no,’ until he realized who he was talking to and decided to see if Bobby was the right kind of person to talk to. “What kind of problems did he help them with?”

Evelyn smiled kindly. “Both Angel and Jeremiah got extra moody while going through puberty. They were angry about what happened to them; scared it would happen again. Bobby reminded them that they were home and that they are safe.” She paused a moment and glanced at the door, lowering her voice. “They didn’t go through what you did, but they felt exactly what you’re feeling right now, Jackie. Talk to your big brother. He might help.”

Jack hunched his shoulders, trying to make himself as small as possible. He kept forgetting that even Bobby had gone through hell. “What if he hates me?”

Evelyn smiled sadly, finally seeing the real reason why Jack kept everything inside. “He’ll _never_ hate you, Jackie. None of us ever would.”

Jack nodded and Evelyn patted his shoulder, leaving the room. He turned his chair before Evelyn closed the door. “Mom,” he said and saw her look up sharply, tears entering her eyes. He smiled. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, Jackie,” she whispered, her voice cracking. She walked back into the room and hugged him. “You’re home.”

Evelyn released him, wiping her eyes and cheeks. She left the room, closing the door and Jack turned back to the sketch he was doing of Angel and Jeremiah. He stayed like that, until he realized something was different. He _felt_ different. He felt lighter and realized that a weight had been lifted off him. He looked up and stared out the window.

Three years it took him to realize that he had a family. He referred to Angel, Bobby and Jerry as his brothers, but he never felt like a member of the family until the moment he called Evelyn mom. He winced and fought back the tears as his emotions started to take a serious turn. He sighed and sat back, closing his eyes and tilting his head back. Maybe not that he felt he was part of the family, he would stop seeing Bobby as…whatever he was beginning to see him as.

Biting his lower lip, Jack opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling. He stood up and headed down stairs. He found Bobby in the kitchen. He looked around. “Where’s Mom?”

Bobby spat out his water and coughed, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. He stared at Jack, narrowing his eyes suspiciously. “You plannin’ on runnin’ away?”

Jack stepped back. Oddly enough, that idea had never entered his mind. “No!”

Bobby stood up and slowly approached Jack, his eyes still suspicious. Without warning, he wrapped his arms around Jack’s shoulders and pulled him close. Jack tensed, waiting to feel a gun pressing against his abdomen or something of the likes. However, as Bobby hugged him, Jack finally understood what it was. Bobby was just letting him know that he was there for him and he was glad he finally accepted being part of the family.

Jack pulled back and kept his head lowered, hoping to hide the tears. “What’s wrong, Jack?”

Shaking his head, Jack turned and went back to his bedroom. He closed the door and looked at his bed. The need to lay on it and hug the pillow was almost overwhelming, except Jack shoved it to the side and went into the closet. He closed the door and sat in the furthest end, knees to his chest and letting the tears fall from his eyes, trying to get his shit under control.

He sighed shortly when Bobby opened the closet door he was beside. He accepted the tissue box and wiped his nose. “Ma said she’s never heard or seen you cry.” Bobby sat beside him and Jack pursed his lips, trying to keep the tears back. “Ya know, we were all emotional teens at one stage. There’s no point in bottlin’ it up, Jack. You’ve clearly been doin’ that for a while now.”

Jack nodded, flashing back to when he was seven and crying after his recent beating for leaving a sock on the floor of the bedroom. The father of the house had taunted him, reminding him of how weak he truly was because he couldn’t handle a little pain. The stupid thing was that Jack agreed with him. He knew he was a weak, pathetic excuse of a human. He was beaten unconscious because he wouldn’t stop crying and he winced, wondering why that particular memory had come forth.

“I’m s-sorry,” Jack muttered and wiped his eyes, deciding he’d cried enough.

Bobby’s head snapped towards him, watching as he tried to stop crying. “Don’t you _ever_ apologize for what happened to you, Jack,” he ordered and pulled Jack’s head onto his shoulder. “I’ve never forced anyone to tell me what happened, but—”

“Can we drop it? I get it; you’re here for me if I need ya, man.” Jack sat up and cleared his throat. He knew there were still more tears that wanted to fall, but he’d been weak enough. It was time to toughen up.

Bobby nodded and relaxed his shoulders slightly. “Jerry and Angel are comin’ home for dinner,” he said. He added with a sly glance, “And there’s somethin’ I wanna ask ya.”

“I just asked you to—”

“It isn’t it about your past, Jack,” Bobby cut in and wiped away a stray tear. “Just remember what I said. Bottlin’ all that bad shit up inside is a sure way to get cancer, man.” He ruffled Jack’s hair and stood up.

Jack stood as well. He followed Bobby out of the closet; going to question if that was true when he smacked his forehead on the top runner of the closet. He hissed and rubbed the spot, ducking his head and turning to glare at the closet. After all the love he’d shown it and it thanked him that way? He shook his head and pushed Bobby playfully as he laughed.

Bobby and Jack left the bedroom just as Jeremiah walked in. He saw them at the top of the stairs and smiled, shouting out a greeting to Evelyn. She called back and Jack had to wonder when she got back. He was almost certain that he wasn’t in the closet that long. With that line of thought, he looked at Bobby as he walked down the stairs and hugged Jerry briefly, asking how things were going with Camille and if he was ever going to meet her.

Angel and Sofi were next through the door. For once in their drama-riddled relationship, they seemed to be happy with each other. “Jackie-poo! Get down here and hug your big brother!” Angel demanded and held his arms out.

Jack glanced at Sofi, silently asking for her permission. She smiled and nodded, walking down the hallway to the kitchen. Jack hugged Angel tightly, really missing him being around the house. “It’s good to see ya, man,” he said and patted Angel’s back.

“How you been, little brother?” Angel held Jack at the shoulders and searched his eyes. He frowned. “You look…alive.”

Jack smiled and shrugged, deciding it would be a surprise for Angel and Jeremiah. Angel cocked an eyebrow and ruffled his hair, slinging an arm around his neck and dragging him into the kitchen. He released Jack so he could kiss Evelyn’s cheek, while Bobby opened a bottle of beer. Jeremiah and Sofi spoke, while Bobby physically restrained himself from making any digs at Sofi.

In order to keep the peace, Bobby went to the living room and Jack sat on a chair in the kitchen. He pulled a foot onto the seat and rested his chin on it, listening to conversations around him. He’d done that in the past, but that time felt different. Even though no one was talking to him, Jack knew they were all aware of his presence, even Sofi. She turned to him suddenly and asked him if he was looking forward to high school.

Jack shrugged, unsure on how to answer that. In all honesty, he was a little curious to see what damage his brothers had done to that building. He wanted to know if the Mercer name would hold any water, as Angel would be graduating that year. It would then fall to Jack to keep up the Mercer tradition of apparently burning down study halls, blowing up frogs, pulling the fire alarm, super-gluing a coach to his chair, turning down the water pressure and showing up the teachers as morons. Jack knew he had some big shoes to fill and he knew he wouldn’t.

“Of course he is, baby,” Angel answered for Jack and wrapped his arms around Sofi’s waist, resting his chin on her shoulder. “He’s gonna raze a little Mercer hell there. Maybe send another kid to the hospital.”

Bobby had come back through to throw out his empty bottle when he heard that. “Yeah, that reminds me, Cracker Jack. How’d you do that?”

“Two kicks,” Jack replied with a shrug and smirked when he saw the way everyone stared at him. Even Evelyn had paused in the dinner prep to stare at her youngest son. “What?”

“That’s a record,” Angel, Bobby, Evelyn and Jeremiah stated. “Shit,” Bobby continued as he rinsed out the bottle and dropped it into the recycling box. “I don’t think we’re ever gonna be that awesome.”

“Not a chance in hell,” Jeremiah agreed solemnly.

“Bobby Mercer,” Evelyn said as she returned to her prep. “You put those thoughts out of your head right this instant.”

Once again, Jack wanted to know what kind of wizard Evelyn was. Bobby had his back to her and she still knew exactly what he was thinking. It seemed that telepathy ran in the family as Bobby seemed to know what his brothers were thinking at any given time, as well.

“Jackie?” Evelyn asked and looked over her shoulder when she didn’t get a response. Jack almost looked asleep at the table. “Jack?”

Jack blinked and raised his head off his knee. “Sorry, Mom. Did you need something?” He fought back a grin as Angel, Jeremiah and Sofi stared at him in shock, along with pride that he was finally one of them.

“Can you mix the loaf for me? I need to get the vegetables prepared.”

“Of course,” Jack said and jumped to his feet. He wished his hands and began mixing the meatloaf. Once it was thoroughly combined, he tipped it into a loaf tin, added the ketchup and threw it into the oven. He washed his hands again, glancing at Jeremiah as he felt his brother staring at him. “Somethin’ wrong, Jerry?”

“Nah, man. Never thought you’d be into cookin’, is all. I thought Bobby was the only one interested in that.”

Bobby grabbed a piece of carrot and flicked it at Jeremiah. “Someone has to know how to cook when Ma’s out. Even though your ‘pizzas’ are awesome, Angel.”

Angel nodded in acknowledgment. “I should hope so! They cost a small fortune!”

Jack grabbed a knife and helped Evelyn with the vegetables. “So, you don’t actually cook them or make them?”

“Who’s got time for that, Jackie-poo?”

Jack thought about Angel’s life and realized that he probably didn’t have the time to make the dough and then piece together the pizza. “Yeah, that’s true.” He was quiet for a moment and then glanced back at Angel slyly. “Still, it wouldn’t kill ya to _try_.”

“Shut up, little brother,” Angel said without thinking and everyone waited with baited breath. How was Jack going to react to someone telling him to shut up?

Jack was kind of tired of them walking around on eggshells. “I’m a Mercer, Angel. That ain’t ever gonna happen.”

Bobby laughed. “Ahh, Cracker Jack,” he sighed and lightly punched Jack’s shoulder. “Ya know, the easiest way to burn down—”

“Bobby,” Evelyn warned as she turned to face her eldest son. “You’re still young enough to be put across my knee, mister.”

As Bobby tried to defend his actions, Jeremiah and Angel laughed at the idea of Bobby being spanked and Sofi just watched, Jack had to question why he never felt at home there. They fought, argued and beat the shit out of anyone that so much as looked at them crooked, but there was such strong love, loyalty and devotion as well. All of them would die for each other and Jack knew he would happily take a bullet for his brothers.

oOo

“Okay, so you sent a kid to the hospital with two kicks,” Bobby said as Jack with his back to the sofa, knees to his chest and staring at the television. “ _How_?”

Jack sighed and closed his eyes. There was a week left of summer break and Bobby hadn’t let go of the fact that Jack had set a Mercer record. In all honesty, Jack was trying to understand it. He figured that Bobby would’ve sent at least one kid to the hospital with just a glare. Jack was trying to figure out how he went from a scared boy on his first day to someone that didn’t want his brothers to fight for him.

“It was luck,” Jack said with a shrug. He kept his head back, but opened his eyes and looked at Bobby. He frowned when he saw that soft expression on his face. “Why do you look at me like that?”

“Like what?” Bobby asked, a crease of perplexity forming between his eyebrows.

Jack moved to kneel by the sofa, the same crease appearing on his brow. “You don’t even know you’re doing it?” he inquired and tilted his head.

“I wasn’t lookin’ at ya any differently,” Bobby defended and cocked an eyebrow as a smirk slid onto his face. “Why, is there some way you want me lookin’ at ya? I don’t know how to tell ya this, but you ain’t my type, Jackie.”

Unable to stop it, Jack’s mouth fell open and his eyes widened. He had no idea how Bobby did that to him, but he quickly turned his back to the sofa and pulled his knees to his chest again. “No,” he mumbled and fought off the blush that was creeping onto his cheeks. “I don’t think you’re my type, either.”

Bobby sat up and muted the television. “What was that?”

“I said that you look at me with like… _pity_ or something,” Jack said and his eyes widened slightly. That’s what the expression. Bobby pitied him.

“Jack,” Bobby started as he placed a hand on Jack’s shoulder. “You’re my baby brother. I know you had a bad start in life, of course I’m gonna pity ya, man. I was the same way with Angel and Jerry.”

His hand shaking a little, Jack placed it over Bobby’s and squeezed it. “I don’t want to be pitied, Bobby,” he whispered so softly that Bobby almost didn’t hear it, as he basically spoke to his thighs. Jack sighed and raised his head, thinking about what Bobby said. He turned his head a little. “Who was there to offer you pity?”

“Ma was. She held me when the nightmares had me wakin’ up and screamin’.” Bobby went to pull his hand back, until he realized that Jack had actually touched him without coercion. “But I’ve always been a very external person. If you don’t tell us how bad things get, we can’t help ya, Jackie. You keep _everythin’_ inside. It doesn’t hurt to release the pressure a little, from time to time.”

“I opened up to someone once. They used it against me.” Jack flinched at the memory; the night he lost his virginity.

“Whatever you tell me stays with me, Jack. You’re a Mercer fairy; we don’t go behind each other’s backs, unless Ma needs to be involved.” Bobby squeezed his shoulder and felt Jack’s grip on his hand tighten. He kept in a sigh when he heard Angel, Jeremiah and Evelyn enter the kitchen from the back.

“Can I tell you something?” Jack asked softly, seemingly unaware that the other three were listening in.

“Of course you can, Jack,” Bobby answered and tried to warn the others away, but they seemed intent on hearing what Jack had to say.

“All that homophobic shit is really startin’ to make you sound super gay,” Jack said and patted Bobby’s hand, before he stood and headed into the kitchen as Angel and Jeremiah laughed at the stunned expression on Bobby’s face. In the dining room, Jack turned back to Bobby and smirked. “If I had a mic, this is where I’d drop it, bitch.”

Bobby blinked, coming out of his stupor at being called a bitch. “Jackie, _run_ ,” Evelyn warned with a laugh.

Jack laughed as he ran past Evelyn, Jeremiah and Angel, Bobby hot on his heels. He made it to his bedroom door, before he felt Bobby’s strong arm around his waist, picking him up. However, he knew that Bobby couldn’t be as rough on him as he was on Angel and Jeremiah.

Instead, Jack was dumped on his bed and held down with one hand as the other tickled his sides without mercy. Jack cried out, screeching with laughter as he tried to squirm away from the vicious hand. He was finally given a reprise, but that was just so Bobby could straddle his thighs and attack him with both hands, which gave Jack the opportunity to try and stop the stronger hands.

The attacked stopped suddenly and Bobby pressed his forehead to Jack’s, gazing into his eyes. “Remember this, Jackie,” he whispered, closing his eyes. For a stupid moment, Jack believed that Bobby was going to kiss him. Bobby opened his eyes and pulled back slightly, pressing two fingers to Jack’s forehead. “You _are_ allowed to be happy, Cracker Jack.”

Jack stared up at Bobby, before he turned his eyes to the closet. “I don’t think I’ll ever _truly_ happy,” he said as his eyes flickered back to his brother. “Life is gonna _suck_ balls, at some point.”

“You’re not wrong, Jackie. But you have us now and we’ll always find a way of makin’ life better.” Bobby smirked, leaned down and licked Jack’s cheek. He pulled back and frowned. “Fuck! You even taste like a fruit!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jack muttered with heavy sarcasm and pointlessly pushed at Bobby’s chest. “I love you, too,” he added with a roll of his eyes.

“I should fuckin’ hope so! I’m your big brother, after all!”

oOo

“Let’s go, sweetheart!” Bobby shouted as he pounded on Jack’s door.

“I’m up!” Jack called back and stared at the three pair of black jeans he had laid on his bed, trying to find the right pair for his first day as a high school freshman.

“You’re gonna be late, sunshine!” Bobby said and Jack’s hand moved over the jeans. “Just pick one, for fuck sake!”

Jack heard Evelyn scolding Bobby for his tone and language. In all honesty, he was just toying with Bobby. He pulled on the middle set and did up the button and flier. He slipped the belt through the loops and shoved his feet into his shoes. He grabbed his denim jacket and left his room, pausing at the top of the stairs to muss up his hair a little and then descended.

“Stop preenin’,” Bobby muttered and opened the front door. Once they were driving, Bobby glanced at Jack. “Just remember that if anything happens, you go to Angel.”

“Do you think something would happen on the first day?”

“It happened last year and I get the feelin’ you’ve got that kinda luck,” Bobby said as he slowed for a red light.

Jack pulled a foot onto the seat and rested his chin on his knee, gazing out the windshield. “I’ll try to behave,” he murmured. “I don’t want Mom worrying.”

Bobby nodded and accelerated more than needed when the light changed. “Good. Follow in Jerry’s footsteps, if ya can.”

Jack turned his head, resting his cheek on his knee as he gazed at Bobby. He honestly never thought he’d hear those words from Bobby. He figured Bobby would want all the Mercer boys to be hellions. As if reading his mind, Bobby scoffed and shook his head as he pulled up in front of the high school.

Without meaning to, Jack asked, “Are you leaving again?”

Bobby glanced at his little brother sharply and raised an eyebrow, but nodded slowly. “I gotta go where the work is, Jackie. If I’m lucky, I’ll get picked up a hockey team right here.” He grinned and Jack straightened.

“I’m gonna miss ya, Bobby.”

“I know you will, you little fairy. I’ll be leaving the number of the hotel I’ll be staying at,” Bobby said and stared at the kids in front of the building. “If you need to talk to me about anything, you just call, okay?”

Jack nodded and swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat. He’d grown accustomed to having Bobby around. Hell, during the last few nights, he’d grown accustomed to having Bobby asleep above him, as he refused to sleep anywhere except under the bed. It started to become comforting to know that Bobby was there to keep him safe.

He reached across and hugged Bobby, knowing that he would be gone by the time school finished. Bobby patted his back and pushed him off gently. “Jerry’ll be here at four to pick you up. I better not get a call before I leave about you puttin’ another kid in the hospital.”

“Would you prefer I sent him to morgue?” Jack asked as he grabbed his backpack and opened the door. He went to slip out, but paused. “How long will you be gone for?”

Bobby shrugged and tilted his head back. “I have no idea, Jackie. Now, go. The bell’s about to ring.” As Jack turned to close the door, Bobby called out to him. When he saw Jack’s curious eyes, he smirked. “Once a Mercer—”

“Always a Mercer,” Jack finished and grinned.

“I love ya, man. And be good. If I have to take time off to come down here and kick your ass, I will.”

Jack’s grin widened as he closed the door and waved Bobby off. Knowing that Bobby wouldn’t be waiting for him back home, Jack felt some of the excitement of his first day wear off. He made his way into the school and looked at the schedule that was mailed out to him. He looked at his homeroom number and sighed quietly, weaving through the bodies.

As he walked the hallways, he kept an eye out for the bulletin board, to see if there was anything decent happening around the school. It seemed that they were getting ready to put on some kind of fall dance and Jack got the strong feeling that he wouldn’t be allowed within five hundred yards of it, considering he’s a Mercer. That thought made him smile as he found his homeroom. He checked his locker number and then checked the locks on them and rolled his eyes. A five year old could crack that, he thought.

Jack yawned as he waited for the bell to ring, leaning against the wall beside the door. He looked around at the other groups that were hanging around. He saw a co-ed group that was glancing at him, as though trying to decide if they should approach him. One of the girls was about to approach him, until he heard his name being called and he looked down the hallway. He saw Angel making his way towards him.

“Ah, you found it okay, then?” Jack nodded and saw the fear that entered the eyes of the group.

Once again, being a Mercer seemed to carry a lot of weight in the schools. He doubted his teachers would be pleased to see they had another in their class. He looked up at Angel and smiled sleepily, wanting to go back to bed and sleep. Bobby leaving seemed drain him and he had no idea why. He still had Jeremiah and Angel around to keep him safe.

“I’m sure Bobby already told ya, but if _anything_ happens, you tell me right away. I made a copy of my schedule. I don’t care when it happens, you get me. Okay?” Angel glared at Jack until he nodded again and took the paper that was offered. “Have a good day, Jack-poo.” He ruffled Jack’s hair and headed back to his homeroom as the bell rang.

Jack opened the paper and looked at the classes that Angel had. He frowned when he saw USMC written in upper right corner, along with an address. He had no idea what Angel was thinking and he hadn’t even mentioned joining the military. Jack knew that Angel would be leaving shortly, but the idea of him leaving to go to war made his chest feel tight. However, he knew that he had to respect Angel’s decision.

The door opened and Jack folded the schedule again. He entered the room first and slipped into a desk at the front. He didn’t care where he was, mostly because he suddenly found school to be nothing but a drain. As the group that was watching him moved by, he heard them mentioning that he was a Mercer, like it was a disease. He glared over his shoulder at them and they quickly shut up. He really should’ve learned the easiest way to burn down the study hall.

 

 

Jack managed to _almost_ make it through math, before he found that he couldn’t focus on anything. He slouched in his desk, staring at his notebook, which he was sketching on. He looked up when he heard his name and gazed at the teacher blankly. The woman raised her eyebrows expectantly and Jack blinked in response. She sighed and muttered something under her breath about the Mercers’ all being the same.

“Oh, drop dead, you hag,” Jack snapped her, which silenced the class.

Bright scarlet appeared on the woman’s cheekbones as her eyes blazed with fury. “What did you just say, Mister Mercer?” she demanded, hands on her hips.

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you were hard of hearing.” Jack cleared his throat. “I said: drop dead, you hag,” he basically shouted and stood up, collecting his notebook.

“No class in any of you,” the teacher spat contemptuously. “Clearly, someone failed you in your childhood.”

Jack’s eyes raged and he literally lunged at the fifty year old woman. He didn’t give a shit about genders. She was implying that Evelyn had raised nothing but common criminals or the scum of the earth. They could say whatever they wanted about him, but Evelyn was a goddamn saint.

Before he could make contact with her, someone was restraining him. Jack struggled to get at her, but he was dragged out of the room. He was dragged, kicking and cursing to the principal’s office, where he was thrown into a chair and the man sat behind the desk, glaring at Jack. He picked up the phone and dialed the Mercer home phone number.

The anger drained out of Jack as he realized that Bobby would have to pick him up. “Ah, Bobby! I’d never forget your voice, son. It’s Principal Headley. I have your younger brother in here with me. I’m afraid he’s been suspended for threatening a teacher with death and attempting to attack a teacher. Yes. No, not Angel. Jack.” The man held the phone away from his ear and Jack could hear Bobby bellowing ‘Jack, what the fuck?!’ “O-Okay. Yes, thank you. He’ll be waiting outside for you to pick him up.”

The principal hung up and quickly wrote out the suspension notice, handing it to Jack. “You aren’t to step foot on this property for two weeks,” he explained as he handed the note over. He stood up and gestured for Jack to walk with him. “I’ll be waiting with you outside, just in case you feel like burning something.”

Jack stood up. He was completely drained that he couldn’t even flinch when the principal took hold of his arm and led him out of the school. They stood on the sidewalk, waiting for Bobby to show up. Jack mentioned his backpack and the principal said that he would give it to Angel at the end of the day and he could bring it home. Jack thanked him and went back to staring at the cracks.

He heard Bobby’s car approaching faster than what was probably legal and he closed his eyes, hunkering down in his jacket as much as possible. The principal didn’t release him until Bobby was standing in front of Jack and taken hold of him. The principal explained the terms of his suspension and Bobby cocked an eyebrow.

“I was suspended enough to remember the rules, old man. Maybe you should retire, before your memory goes completely.”

The principal sighed jadedly. “Always a pleasure, Bobby.” He nodded at the oldest Mercer and headed back into the school.

Bobby pulled Jack over to the car and opened the passenger door. None-too-gently, he shoved Jack into the car and went to the driver side. Jack kept his head turned away from Bobby, sensing the sheer rage that he was feeling towards his younger brother. Jack knew that Bobby would tell Evelyn and he would have to see that disappointed crease on her brow and the hard set mouth.

“What…the _actual_ fuck, Jack?!” Bobby demanded as he sped through a yellow light. “Is there _anythin’_ between your ears? Did you forget our little conversation not less than an hour ago? Are you tryna break all Mercer records or somethin’?!”

Jack closed his eyes and tried to ignore Bobby shouting at him. He had to hold his hands in his lap to stop himself from covering his ears. He was tired to being weak and he was tired of people thinking they could talk to him however they felt. He also didn’t want to admit that he was losing everyone he cared about. He knew that eventually Evelyn would leave him.

Bobby parked and got out of the car. Jack remained where he was, not sure if he wanted to be behind closed doors with Bobby enraged the way he was. “Get out of the fuckin’ car, Jack or I’ll drag you into the house by your fuckin’ hair,” he seethed and Jack tensed.

Jack got out of the car and followed Bobby into the house through the front door. He hovered awkwardly just past the threshold, keeping his head lowered. He saw that Bobby’s duffle bag was packed and he was probably getting ready to leave when the phone rang.

“Explain. _Now_.”

Jack flinched and closed his eyes. “It w-was b-boring.” His eyes flew open as the stutter came back.

“Don’t you start lyin’ to me now, Jackie,” Bobby grounded out through clenched teeth. “What the fuck could a teacher possibly do to piss you off in _first_ period?”

“Sh-She…” Jack gritted his teeth, thinking about what the woman said and felt his rage spark again. “She basically said that Mom was a useless caregiver!” he finally said and raised his head to glare at Bobby. “What the fuck did you expect me to do, smile and ask for another fucking does of it?!”

Bobby growled and his hands became fists. “And what were you doing to make her say that?”

“Nothing!”

“Do you mean that literally, Jack?” A shrug was his answer. “And why were you doin’ nothin’, Jack? Huh?”

Jack lowered his head. “It doesn’t matter,” he muttered. “Can I go to my room, now?”

“Not until you tell me why you told your teacher to drop dead!”

“She hated me, Bobby! Just because my name is Mercer, she decided I wasn’t worth anything! And you and Angel—” Jack broke off as a sob slipped out. He closed his eyes and dug his nails into his palms.

“ _What_ about me and Angel, Jack?” Bobby demanded, his voice still laced with irritation.

“Nothing,” Jack spat and ran up the stairs. He went to close his door, but Bobby burst through.

“Don’t you think you can get away with that, you little fairy. _What_ about me and Angel?” Bobby demanded again and turned Jack to face him.

Jack pulled back and wrapped his arms around his abdomen. “It doesn’t matter,” he said forcefully, knowing that Bobby wouldn’t drop the subject.

“Clearly, it’s somethin’, since you’re cryin’ like a broken water main!”

Jack sniffed and raised his head. He glared at Bobby through the tears, shaking his fringe out of his eyes. “Leave. Me. Alone,” he stated calmly, which seemed to worry Bobby. “Get out of my room and get out of my _life_.”

Hurt flashed through Bobby’s eyes for a split second, but it was quickly replaced with anger. “If that’s what you want, fine. It sure seems like you’re strong enough to take on the fuckin’ world.”

The tears dried up the moment he saw the hurt, but Jack knew he had to stand his ground. “Maybe if y’all didn’t treat me like I was made of fucking crystal, I would be!”

“Oh, so now it’s _our_ fault that you’re a scared, little boy?”

Jack flinched and turned away. He knew that he would have to back down. If he continued to blame them, he would push them away for good and that wasn’t something he could afford. He had to remain close to Evelyn and Jeremiah, since they would be last remaining family he had. He couldn’t lose them, as well. It was bad enough he was losing Bobby—and Angel.

“No,” he finally said softly and sat down on the floor, pressing his back to the bed. “It would never be your fault.”

Bobby nodded and sat down beside Jack, finding that he was more receptive instead of defensive. “I know, Jackie. But you need to tell me what’s gotten you so scared.”

“I don’t know,” he said and felt Bobby’s disbelieving eyes on him. “I know you left the number I can reach you at, but…what if you’re with someone?” Jack tried not to think about, feeling the surge of jealousy at just the idea of it. “I can’t cut into your…you time.”

Bobby inhaled deeply and wrapped an arm around Jack’s shoulders, pulling him closer. “Jackie, I was the best man at my best friend’s wedding, when Angel called for me at the hotel the reception was being held in. Just before my speech, I heard my little brother scared. I went up to the stage, told them that my family needed me and left. I was on the next flight out. Anyone that gets involved with me is told straight up that my family comes first. If they have a problem with that, then they aren’t worth our time.”

Jack dropped his head to his knees, closing his eyes at the mention of Angel. The speech was beautiful and it made him feel better knowing that Bobby cared about them all that much, but he was reminded that Angel would be leaving them as well. He was going to be the only kid in the house, unless Evelyn brought home cases and he couldn’t be a big brother—not yet.

“I just…Why can’t we stay together?”

“What do you mean, Jackie? You’ve got Angel and Ma in the house.”

“Angel is joining the military.”

“What?”

Jack nodded. “I saw his scribble on his schedule. I think he’s serious about, because there was an address. I don’t know when he’s leaving, but…”

Realization settled in Bobby and he tightened his arm around Jack. “We always come back home, at some point, Jackie. And you’ll still have Ma.” He saw the pain in Jack’s eyes. “Hey, Ma will _never_ abandon you.”

Jack looked at Bobby. “But _you_ are.”

“I wish I didn’t have to, Jackie. I really wish I could stay here forever with you, Ma, Jerry and Angel, but I can’t. I’m too old to be moochin’ off Ma.” Bobby stared at the tallboy, his expression blank. “Besides, you had me for three months.”

Jack nodded before he rested his chin on his knees, feeling drained and empty. “Do you really have to leave?”

“If there was somethin’ closer to home, I’d take it. And until Angel joins the military, you’ll have him.” Bobby leaned back and checked the clock on the bedside chest. “And I—”

“Please stay until Angel gets home?”

Bobby was about to refuse, but when he saw the neediness and desperation in Jack’s eyes; he found he couldn’t refuse him. He could always check in with the foreman tomorrow, as he didn’t start for another few days. He nodded and instantly felt Jack relax, as though a great weight was lifted, knowing that his big brother would be there for him.

“I’ll always be there for you, Jack. Someone needs to hold your hand.” He chuckled at the glare that Jack sent him and decided that one more night couldn’t hurt. After all, family would always come first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed it and the third chapter should be out. Unfortunately, if there's mistakes in here (I went through it a few times, but you don't catch all of the) I blame lack of sleep.  
> Hope to see y'all in the next chapter, which should be out soon...hopefully.  
> Until the next one!  
> Peace.
> 
> Auska.


	3. Chapter III

**~Shadow of Blue~**

**By:** Aerys Krystie.

 

oOo

 

**Age 15**

Bobby had stayed that extra day and Jack got to see him off, forcing back tears as he watched his big brother leave him. He had forced a smile and wished him luck with the job and waved happily as Bobby pulled away from the curb. He stayed outside, even after Bobby was no longer in sight and had probably left the city’s limits. When it came to his punishment for his suspension, Evelyn had heard him out and agreed that the teacher was a nasty piece of work, but one should never threaten an authority figure.

Once again, Bobby told Jack to focus on his studies and find something he was passionate about. It would make the time just fly by. As he had been moping around for six weeks, Evelyn told him that she had a surprise for him. Jack wasn’t in the mood for chocolate cake and a spearmint milkshake. However, that wasn’t the surprise she was referring to. She had come home and asked for his help with some groceries in the car. Jack had gone there and saw the blue guitar he fell in love with years ago laying on the backseat.

Jack knew that money was extremely tight in the house, but he really didn’t want to ask how Evelyn was able to buy it. He just hugged her, kissed her cheek and thanked her a thousand times, before he even opened the door of the car. When he did, he grabbed the guitar and ran inside. Angel had come downstairs to see what all the commotion was and was nearly balled over by an excitable Jack, as he ran up the stairs.

He placed the guitar on his bed and tried to figure out which was more important. He wanted to call Bobby and let him know that he had the guitar, but he also wanted to play it for the first time in the house. Seeing as he was already in his room with the instrument, he sat beside his bed and tuned the strings, playing a few chords before he started to idly pluck at the strings, staring off into space.

Jack was unaware that Evelyn had been watching him from the doorway, with a smile that was slowly fading as he stared into space. She had tried her best to help take his mind off of Bobby not being around and it had worked for about seven minutes. She inhaled deeply and stepped into the room, sitting on the bed after she closed the door slightly, letting Angel that it was a private talk.

“Jackie, are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Jack answered absently, his eyes straying over to the closet. “I miss him.”

Evelyn got over her surprise at Jack revealing what he was feeling. She was going to assume that was Bobby’s influence on him. “I know you do, Jackie. I miss him, too.” She hesitated for a fraction of a second. “You could call him. I’m sure he’d love to hear from you.”

Jack looked at her and Evelyn felt her heart breaking slightly at the pain and loss in his eyes. She hated seeing her children hurting, especially over something they couldn’t control. “Do you really think so?”

“I know so, Jackie. You can use the extension in my room, if you want some privacy.” Evelyn had barely finished the offer when Jack jumped to his feet and ran to her room.

Having already memorized the number and extension, Jack dialed it quickly. He had no idea where Bobby was located or what time he finished work and figured he was out, as the phone continued to ring. Just as he was about to hang up, someone picked up the other end and a female voice came through. Before he could say that he had the wrong number, he heard Bobby’s voice in the background, laughing as he asked for the receiver.

The woman was giggling. “Is someone there?”

“B-Bobby, p-please.”

“Some kid with a stutter looking for you, Mister Mercer.” She didn’t sound remotely impressed by the call.

“Shit.” There was a crackle as the receiver changed hands. “Jackie, is everythin’ okay? Is it Ma? Did somethin’ happen?” Jack lowered his eyes. He could feel the fear in Bobby, but he didn’t say anything. “Jackie, what’s wrong? Is someone hurt?”

“No,” Jack finally whispered and he heard Bobby release a breath. He heard the bed springs squeaking as Bobby moved around on it.

“Did somethin’ happen to you, Jack?”

The silence stretched on for a few seconds, before Jack replied. “No.” He could practically hear the disbelieving gaze over the phone.

“Say my name.” The woman muttered something and Bobby told her leave, as it was a family matter. Jack heard the woman scoff and the bed springs squeak again, as she sat down and said she’d wait. “I’m not talkin’ to my baby brother with you in the room. Get the fuck out.” There was some angry screaming on her behalf and the slamming of a door. “Say my name.”

“I’ll b-be d-down in a m-moment, Angel,” Jack called out. “I h-have t-to g-go.”

Jack didn’t wait for a response and hung up. Evelyn stood in the threshold, watching as Jack hung his head, appearing completely defeated. He didn’t react when the phone beside him rang, so Evelyn walked into the room and answered it, not surprised to hear Bobby’s worried tones.

“Ma, what the fuck happened to him? Has someone hurt him? He hasn’t stuttered that badly in more than a year!”

“Bobby, calm down.” Evenly placed a hand on Jack’s head and he slowly raised it, gazing at her with blank eyes. She lowered the handle. “Did you want me to tell him?” she whispered, not surprised when Jack shook his head and slipped off her bed, heading back to his room. “He’s fine, Bobby.”

“You’re lyin’, Ma! You harp on us and—” He cut himself off, realizing just how the situation had to be for Evelyn Mercer to _lie_ to one of her children. “Do I need to come home?”

Evelyn closed her eyes for a moment. She would love to have Bobby back in the house, but he couldn’t rush home every time Jack heard or saw something that hurt him. She needed him to learn how to deal with that. “No, Bobby. You need that job.”

“But Jack—”

“Jackie is going to be fine,” Evelyn stated as she heard him plucking at the strings of the guitar. “I think hearing your voice just reminded him how much he misses you.”

“Ma, I’ll be there Friday night.”

Evelyn smiled and shook her head. Bobby was too stubborn at times. “Bobby Mercer, you are going to stay right where you are. Hold on a minute.” She put the handle down and closed the door, grateful when she couldn’t hear the music that much. She went back to Bobby. “His nightmares have gotten bad and having you around for a couple of nights will only make it worse.”

“He’s spoken to you about them?”

“No. He’s woken up, screaming.”

“Ma—”

“I know you love him, Bobby,” Evelyn cut in, raising an eyebrow. She knew Bobby would play it off as brotherly affection. “But he has to learn that you won’t be around forever. He needs to learn how to deal with this on his own.”

“That ain’t gonna work unless someone’s there to force it outta him. That’s where big brother comes in.”

“How long is the contract you’re on?”

“Seven months, with a break for Christmas and New Year. What’s that—?”

Evelyn closed her eyes, trying to keep her pain down. “I didn’t want to do this, but I’m banning you from the house until Christmas.”

There was a lengthy silence as Bobby digested what his mother actually said to him. “ _What_?!”

“Bobby, calm down and listen to me.” Evelyn waited for Bobby’s cursing to subside. “You can call him, every night at this time, on this line until then and from then on. You can talk to him after he’s done his homework, but I cannot have you coming to the house. He’s a mess now, but you showing up for a night or two would make things worse.”

“If it’s a weekly routine, it would do more good than harm, Ma,” Bobby countered and Evelyn’s eyebrows shot up. So, Bobby did listen to her. “Please, Ma. It’ll give him somethin’ to look forward to and it can be used as leverage. If he does bad in school, I can threaten not to show up.”

Evelyn looked over her shoulder at her closed door. She knew that Bobby threatening not to show up would make Jack improve his behavior and performance in school. And Bobby did say please, a word that was rarely in his vocabulary. She could feel her will starting to crumble and eventually sighed in defeat. It would have been impossible to keep them a part if she had stuck to her guns.

“You had better be here _every_ weekend, then. If you can’t make it one weekend, you better have a damn good reason for it,” she warned and heard Bobby chuckle.

“Ma, its family. Nothin’ short of an act from god would stop me from showin’ up.”

“All right. Let me get Jackie so you can tell him the good news.”

“Okay.”

Evelyn placed the handle down and opened her bedroom door. She knocked on Jack’s open door and saw him look up, a small spark of life in his eyes as he picked at the strings. “Bobby needs to tell you something.”

Jack hesitated, but got up and placed his guitar on his bed and headed into Evelyn’s room. He picked up the handle. “W-What?”

“Oh, Cracker Jack, I’m sorry she answered. I told her to leave the phone alone while I was in the shower,” Bobby explained and Jack felt a little better, but he wasn’t about to let Bobby off the hook that easily.

“Okay,” he said simply.

“I’m also comin’ up for a visit this weekend.” Jack spun around and looked at Evelyn, hoping it wasn’t a cruel joke that Bobby decided to play. Evelyn smiled and nodded.

“Y-You are?”

“Yep. But there’s conditions to these visits, Jack.” The excitement died off a little and Jack became a little worried. “You need to stop fuckin’ around in school. You went from a B average to a D minus. You need to get your grades back up or I don’t show up.”

“Th-That’s not fair!”

“Remember when you said life was gonna suck balls sometimes? Welcome to one of those times. Can I count on you to get your grades up? Because I really miss you, Ma, Angel and Jerry.”

Jack smiled and nodded. “I promise, Bobby.”

“Good. Now, go wash up for dinner. I’ll see ya Friday. Keep that nose clean, fairy.”

Jack’s smile became a grin and he hung up, turning to Evelyn. It seemed that Bobby hadn’t told him her first offer and she would be eternally grateful for that. She didn’t need Jack hating her, but she did tell him to go wash up as Angel would be serving up dinner shortly.

With a nod, Jack ran from the bedroom, feeling far more alive than he had in the past six weeks. He washed his hands and face, glancing at his bedroom and seeing the guitar lying on his bed. He would need to learn something for Bobby’s visit, just to show that he did have a passion for something, other than his big brother. Which just sounded creepy, in his mind and if he ever uttered the words out loud.

He ran downstairs and into the dining room, just as Angel opened the lid of the pizza box. Jack shook his head and took his seat, accepting the plate that Angel handed him. Despite not eating much over the last month and a half, Jack was too excited about Bobby’s visit to eat. However, the stern look from Evelyn told him that she would be using his behavior at home as leverage over him and he nodded, taking a mouthful. He couldn’t deny it; Angel ordered a mean pizza.

oOo

Whenever Jack got home from school, he ran up to his room and completed his homework within an hour, before heading downstairs for a glass of juice. He would give himself a small break and then head back, to make sure all his answers were correct. His teachers had noted the marked improvement in just one day. Jack was suddenly bright eyed, bushy tailed and extremely attentive during class.

There was one small problem he knew Bobby would get on his case about. In fact, it was the reason he was half out his window on a chilly fall night, smoking. He knew that if Evelyn ever walked in to see him kneeling on his desk, upper body hanging out of the window, he would in for one hell of a tongue lashing. Unfortunately, it was one of the hardest habits to kick and Jack wasn’t too keen on quitting.

He flicked the butt out the window and stayed outside for a couple more minutes, letting the wind to whip past him and ruffle his clothing and hair. He pulled his body back in and placed his headphones over his ears, restarting the song that was one of Bobby’s favorites. As he listened to the lyrics, he could understand why it was and it made him wonder what on inside Bobby’s mind. He was attempting to learn the solo, mostly to see if Bobby would recognize it.

Looking at the placement of his fingers, Jack slipped one side of the headphones off as the solo came up. He strummed the instrument, knowing he would have blisters on his fingertips by the time Bobby showed up. He winced as the metal strings dug into his skin as he tried to keep in time with the solo. He cried out as he slipped it down quickly and nicked his finger. He quickly pulled his hand back before he could blood on the guitar and went to the bathroom.

Angel charged up the stairs as the phone rang in Evelyn’s room. “Jackie-poo, it’s for you,” he basically sang out and Jack said he’d be there in a minute.

Jack opened the first aid box and washed his hands, drying them on his shirt and wrapping a plaster around his finger. He entered their mother’s room and took the phone from Angel. “Hey, Bobby.”

“Hey, Cracker Jack. Did you do your homework?” Bobby asked, sounding a little out of breath, as though he ran three miles to the phone to make sure he phoned at the correct time.

“Well, yeah! I even double checked it and found more mistakes in the spelling and grammar of the questions than in my answers,” Jack said with a proud puff of his chest. “Then again…Not that surprisin’,” he and Bobby finished. “Are you okay, Bobby? Did you just finish a marathon?”

“Yeah, a little bit. Work has me finishin’ late on Thursdays, so I can take off early on Fridays. So, my calls will be a little late on Thursday nights.”

A sound similar to a wince came through and Jack grew concerned. “Are you sure you’re okay? You sound like you’re in pain.”

“Just a stitch. How was school? Did you go to all your classes?”

“Of course! I even went to study hall…” Jack lowered his eyes, listening as Bobby’s breathing evened out.

“What happened there?”

“There were two undercover cops watching me,” Jack answered with a shrug and grinned as Bobby burst out laughing. He sat beside Evelyn’s bed and closed his eyes, enjoying the sound.

“I guess they’re pissed off because they never actually caught us doin’ it,” Bobby said as he calmed down and the springs of the bed squeaked.

“Then how were you expelled for it?”

“I wasn’t expelled for that, Cracker Jack. I was expelled for ‘assault on a teacher,’ which was an accident. I just said I burned it down twice before I was expelled. I’m almost certain that the teacher got in the way of my fist on purpose so they could get rid of me.” Bobby groaned as the bed shifted. “This bed fuckin’ sucks.” Before Jack could change the subject, Bobby asked the question he didn’t want to hear. “You sleepin’ in yours yet?”

Jack stared down at his knees, idly plucking at one of the frayed edges of a hole in the knee. He sighed and shook his head, even though Bobby couldn’t see him. He was kind of grateful for that, as he didn’t want to see the anger or disappoint or worse, the hurt in his brother’s eyes.

“Ah, Jackie. You still don’t feel safe there?”

“I’m sorry,” he whispered and could practically feel the glare from Bobby.

“What did I tell ya? Never apologize for what they did to you. If sleepin’ under it makes you feel safe, then you go right ahead—”

“I can’t sleep under it anymore,” Jack broke in with a hoarse whisper. “He gets me there, now.”

He heard Bobby sitting up more. “ _Who_ gets you under there?”

Jack squeezed his eyes shut, forcing back the memories. He thought about the time that Bobby tickled him on the bed and exhaled shakily. “It’s just bad dreams,” he murmured and continued plucking at the frayed denim. “Why won’t they go away?”

“The healin’ is the hardest part, man. It took Jerry around five years before his finally stopped.”

“And what about you? Have yours stopped?”

The long silence made Jack wish he was there to offer some kind of comfort to Bobby. He had been the big brother so long that he probably had no idea how to lean on someone else. Depending on what he went through, he probably didn’t trust anyone that wanted to be that leaning post for him.

“I’m sorry,” Jack mumbled and ducked his head.

“Don’t worry about it, Cracker Jack. You excited to see your big brother tomorrow?”

“Yes,” Jack breathed and closed his eyes, wishing he didn’t have to depend on Bobby so much for strength and support, especially just learning that he still had nightmares. His grip tightened on the handle. “It’s become weird to sleep without you in the room…”

Jack opened his eyes and stared straight ahead, trying to understand why he told Bobby that. Why was he hunched down, talking to his brother like it was a forbidden romance? Why would he want a forbidden romance with his oldest brother? _Why_ did he have to be so disgusting and fucked up? _Why_ did Bobby indulge him? When did he become so worthy?

“You still there, Cracker Jack?” Bobby shook his head as he heard strained breathing. He was very accustomed to panic attacks. All the Mercer boys had suffered them at some stage. However, while Angel and Jeremiah had favorite movie quotes or enjoyed rattling off all the guns they could think of, Bobby had no idea what Jack had. And then he remembered. “Say it with me, Jackie. The sun did not shine. It was too wet to play. We sat in the house, all that wet, wet, cold day. Repeat it, Jack.”

“The…” Jack closed his eyes and focused on Bobby’s voice and the words. “The sun did not shine… Are you seriously making me recite _The Cat in the Hat_?”

“It worked.”

Jack inhaled shakily and let it out in a whoosh. “What was it?”

“The beginnin’ of a panic attack, Cracker Jack. We all got them, so don’t feel…embarrassed or anythin’.”

“So…this is normal?”

“Jackie, did you just doubt your worth to us?” Jack remained silent, glancing at the handle of the phone. How the hell did Bobby know? “That’s what set Jerry off. He didn’t think he was good enough for Ma or me.”

Jack heaved a sigh of relief. He was beyond glad to know that he wasn’t the only that felt like he wasn’t good enough for the Mercer family. He looked at the flesh colored plaster on his finger and wondered if he would be able to play the guitar at all for the next couple of days.

“Hey, I gotta head off. I got an early shift tomorrow. I’ll see ya then, Cracker Jack.”

Jack smiled and hung up, the smile dropping from his face instantly. He was getting sick of these mood swings. It seemed he went from joyous to depressed in the blink of an eye and it was starting to send him insane. However, the idea of knowing that in under twenty-four hours, Bobby would be back in the house and that gave him something positive to think about.

Standing, Jack stretched and then headed back to his room. He sat beside his bed and grabbed the guitar, pressing his injured finger against the string. He blinked when there was only a dull throb. The plaster seemed to absorb most of the brute force. He strummed the strings and adjusted his fingers, smiling when he got the sound he was after. He might not be able to do the full solo, but he could always go with the beginning chords he knew everyone would recognize.

oOo

Jack watched as the second hand finally hit the twelve, ticking the minute over and making the bell ring. Shoving his books into his backpack, Jack slipped out of his desk and practically ran to the door. Unfortunately, he was stuck behind all the other students that wanted to get home for the weekend. With a sigh, Jack went Mercer style on them and began elbowing his way through the crowd. He could make out Angel talking to Sofi by his locker and shook his head.

Once outside, Jack made his way to the side and paused. He couldn’t see Jeremiah’s car anywhere. He scanned the parked vehicles and frowned, wondering if something had happened that prevented him from getting there. Jack was certain that Mom or Jerry would’ve phoned the school to let him and Angel know that something bad had gone down.

Angel came out with Sofi by his side and stood next to Jack. “Hey, I’m heading over to Sofi’s for dinner tonight. You gonna be okay, here, alone, Jackie-poo?”

“I’ll be _fine_ , Angel. Have a good time, ’kay?” Jack looked at Sofi and smiled. She returned the gesture as Angel dragged her up the street.

Jack watched them go, shaking his head and then returning to scanning the cars. He glanced to his right when someone stood beside and cocked an eyebrow when he saw one of the kids in the co-ed group that thought about talking to him on his first day. He ignored them and tried to spot Jeremiah, which seemed to be a losing battle as he couldn’t see the red sedan anywhere.

“You’re Jack Mercer, right?” the girl asked with a small voice.

Jack fought every instinct that told him to roll his eyes. Instead, he looked at her and forced a smiled. “Yeah. Can I help ya with somethin’?”

“Actually, I kinda wanted to invite you to a party this week—”

“No, thanks.”

The girl glanced back at her friends, who gestured for her to keep trying. She turned back to Jack. “There won’t be any drugs or al—”

“Not interested,” Jack stated as began feeling anxious, wondering if he was forgotten by Jeremiah.

“I mean, it’ll be good to meet new people and make some normal friends,” she rushed out and tensed when Jack grew unnaturally still.

Jack turned to face her fully, his face a blank mask, but his eyes burning rage. “ _Normal_ friends?” he repeated and cocked an eyebrow. “As opposed to my abnormal friends? Or did you mean my abnormal family?”

The girl shook her head, her straight black hair flying around. “No, I didn’t mean anything like that!” she protested, still unnerved by the fire in Jack’s eyes.

“What the fuck passes as ‘normal’ these days, anyway? What, because we’re the same age that automatically makes it ‘normal’? Or is ‘normal’ sitting around some bitch’s basement, bored out of our fucking minds? Tell me, Violet, what makes you and your ‘friends’ anymore ‘normal’ than my family?”

The girl tried to think of the right words, but eventually ended up blurting out, “We don’t break the law for fun!”

Jack blinked and tilted his head. “So…you break the law for a different purpose?”

The girl shook her head again. “Look, your brothers have violent reputations…And we all heard about how your put that kid in hospital and that your older brother beat the hell out of his older brother. But…” She trailed off and sighed. “Look, I’m only over here because my friend has a crush on you and wants you attend the party so she can talk to ya.”

Jack followed the girl’s finger and saw a redhead girl blush and look away. “Tell her that I’ve got no interest in people that have to send their friends to do their dirty work. Now, get away from me. The next time you come near me it had better because you want your face remodeled.”

The girl whimpered and ran back to her friends, crying on the shoulder of one of the boys, which Jack assumed was her boyfriend. He could feel the guy glaring daggers at him, but when Jack looked at him, he quickly adverted his gaze. Jack scoffed and shook his head, watching as they inched around him and towards the school bus that would take them to their street.

As the minutes ticked by, Jack began to think he was forgotten about. He sighed pulled his cigarettes out of his backpack, along with the lighter and lit one. He heard a teacher telling that he couldn’t smoke on school property and Jack glared at him, stepping onto the road and raising his eyes in a challenge. The man seemed content with him to smoke on the road, as long as it was the sidewalk that was apparently under the school’s possession.

Jack pressed his thumb nail to his lower lip as he hopped from foot to foot. Most of the cars and kids had cleared out by that point, which left Jack staring at a near empty car park across the street that still didn’t have Jeremiah’s car in it.

“Hey, man. Can I borrow your light?”

“Nope,” Jack replied without looking at the person that asked.

By the time forty-five minutes had passed, Jack had grown increasing worried. He was alternating gnawing on his lower lip and his thumb, trying to plan his next move. He couldn’t walk home, as Mom and probably Bobby would kill him for walking the streets alone. The only cars that remained anywhere near the school belonged to the teachers that hadn’t left and the students that had afterschool activities.

An hour passed and Jack looked over his shoulder, wondering if the doors were still open so he could get to a pay phone. Unfortunately, he saw the last teacher leave and chain the doors. He sighed and sat on the curb, crossing his legs as he tapped his fingers on his knees. After a few minutes, he sighed and stood, deciding to just walk home. What’s the worst that could happen?

Apparently, the worst thing that could happen was him turning down a wrong alley and watching as a gang beat the shit out one person. Jack froze and closed his eyes, cursing his luck at times. He opened his eyes and decided to back out of the alley. He didn’t stop when someone shouted, ‘Hey!’ Did they really expect him to just stand and wait for them to beat on him? Only the seriously handicapped would do that.

Jack kept walking, pausing on briefly to make sure there were running feet after him. “Fuck,” he muttered and ran down the closest alley. He jumped onto a dumpster with a closed lid and onto a fire escape. He climbed up with a speed he wished he possessed when climbing the rope in gym class.

For some reason, he climbed up to the roof of the building and wondered just what the fuck he was thinking. That was when he realized his first instinct was telling him to get to Bobby by any means necessary, even if it meant jumping along rooftops like a damn thief. He was grateful to see that most of the rooftops were flat and he could easily run along them and jump to the next one.

When he came across the first one with a fence, he simply jumped onto the fire escape of the building he was on and dropped down into the street. He looked around for something familiar to him and then decided to just head north. He was certain to find a patrol unit that he could ask for directions. On the plus side, he couldn’t hear anyone chasing him. Jack assumed that when they saw him go up the fire escape, they gave up and decided he wasn’t worth the chase.

“Found him!”

Jack glanced over his shoulder and rolled his eyes. “Oh, come on, man!”

Pulling in a lungful of air, Jack started running again. He had a fairly decent lead on them and he wasn’t going to slow down until he knew he was safe. He pushed his way through crowds and mentally cursed as the rain came down. He was wondering if anything else could go wrong, when home came into view. Jack gasped for air and urged his legs to go a little longer.

As he got closer, Jack saw that Bobby’s and Mom’s cars were there. He was expecting Jeremiah to be there, but he pushed that to the back of his mind. All he knew was that Bobby was home and he would protect him. However, he found that when he tried the doors, they were locked. It couldn’t be happening! Did Jeremiah take Bobby and Mom to his place for dinner or something?

Jack spent a moment to catch his breath and then looked around the house, trying to find a window that wasn’t locked or closed. How was it even _possible_? Jack looked down the street, though he couldn’t see much through the rain. He knew his smokes were probably mush in his backpack by now, but he vaguely remembered the way to Jeremiah’s apartment.

As he ran down the street, Jack contemplated if would’ve been easier just to have them kill him. He had never run so far and so fast in his life that he vowed if he made it Jeremiah’s apartment, he would give serious consideration to joining the track team at school.

Block after block and street after street and Jack finally got a sense of where he was going. He found Jeremiah’s car parked outside one of the apartment buildings and felt the urge to cry with gratitude as he saw Jeremiah standing on a balcony, enjoying a smoke. He tried calling out, but his throat was parched and his lungs were on fire. He waved, hoping to gain his attention.

“Cracker Jack?” Jeremiah called and butted out his smoke, running into the apartment. Jack made his way to the front door, where Jeremiah was waiting for him. “What the hell were you thinkin’, man?”

“Me?” Jack wheezed out as he stumbled into the apartment, falling to his hands and knees, trying to catch his breath. He tried swallowing and winced, not surprised when Mom and Bobby walked into the living room area.

“Jackie?” Mom was in front of him in an instant. “Get me a glass of water, Jeremiah. Jackie, what happened? Why weren’t you waiting outside the school?”

Jack didn't attempt to say anything until he sipped the water that Jeremiah handed him. With a little moistness there, he down the glass of water and stared at Mom. “I waited over an hour and no one showed up. I decided to walk home…” As he expected, Bobby and Mom got their unique sparkles for when he was going to be lectured for living dangerously. “Some thugs thought I saw their faces and chased me across rooftops, down fire escapes and home. But the doors were locked and I wasn’t thinking correctly, so I ran here.” He happily accepted the second glass of water. He looked at Bobby and Jeremiah. “Where were you?” he asked as felt tears in his eyes.

“It’s a long story and it’s entirely my fault, Cracker Jack,” Bobby said, squaring his shoulders as though getting ready to accept the burden of Jack hating him.

“I don’t ever wanna run that much again,” he stated and collapsed to the side, passing out.

 

 

 

When Jack woke up, he was somewhere warm. He stared at the ceiling and frowned, trying to figure out why he could see that. He tried to sit up, but his arms and legs felt like they were encased in concrete. He turned his head and took in that he was in his room; in his bed. Bobby was sitting in a chair beside his bed, elbow on the armrest and his temple resting on his knuckles as he breathed deeply and the sun was rising, judging by the light hues spilling in through the windows.

Once more, Jack tried to move his arms. He groaned quietly, trying to keep the noise down, but that was enough to wake Bobby with a start. A strong arm slipped under his shoulders and Jack winced as his muscles tried to loosen from their high tension state. He looked down at hands and flexed his fingers, sending pain through every muscle along his arm and shoulders.

However, despite the pain, Jack looked up at Bobby and smiled, grateful to spend _some_ time with him, regardless of how little he had left. He tried to ask something, but his throat was still parched. Bobby grabbed a bottle of sports drink and popped lid, pressing it to Jack’s lips. Jack drank greedily, demolishing the bottle’s contents in seconds. He panted slightly and licked his lips. Bobby raised an eyebrow and opened another bottle. Jack went a little easier on that bottle, drinking only half of it.

“Why am I in my bed?”

“Where else were we meant to put ya, Cracker Jack?” Bobby asked as he sat in the chair again, watching Jack intently. Jack’s eyes moved to the closet and Bobby snickered. “Is that so you can come out without actually comin’ out?”

Jack wanted to roll his eyes, but it was too much of a strain. He attempted to move a leg and again, found that it was too painful to happen. “How long was I out?”

Bobby turned the clock around and checked the time. “Nearly thirteen hours,” he answered as he turned the clock around again.

“I’m sorry,” Jack said and let his head drop. He only just realized that he was shirtless. “What happened to my clothes?”

“They were soaked, so Ma gave you a warm shower and slipped you into a pair of sweats. She couldn’t find the top,” Bobby explained with a shrug. He reached forward and slapped Jack across the back of the head. “That’s for apologizin’, ya little fairy.”

Jack wanted to glare at Bobby, but he was too tired and too sore to put his heart into it. “I wanted to spend some time with ya this weekend. But that ain’t gonna happen, since I literally can’t move a fuckin’ muscle without pain.”

“Well, Cracker Jack, you were the one that decided to run about twenty miles. When was the last time your muscles got that kinda work out, huh?” Bobby shook his head, sitting back. “I doubt you stretched before you started runnin’, as well. You hungry?”

Jack tried to shake his head and scoffed when even his neck was aching. “I didn’t even _use_ my neck!” he hissed and pursed his lips, forcing his body to move against its will and against its protests.

“What the hell are ya doin’, Cracker Jack?”

“I gotta use the bathroom, man.” Jack managed to get his legs over the edge of the bed. He half-smirked and stood up, only to collapse to his knees and end with his face in Bobby’s crotch. “Well, _this_ isn’t humiliating in the slightest!” he mumbled into the denim.

“Aren’t you used to that position?” Bobby teased and pushed Jack upright by his shoulders. Jack found the will to glare at Bobby that time. Bobby smirked and stood, slipping an arm around Jack’s waist and easily bringing him to his feet. “Jesus, Jackie. You’re tonin’ up nicely, ain’t ya? You’re gonna make some guy very happy in a few years.”

“Leave it alone, man,” Jack mumbled as he took a step and winced as the pressure made every muscle in his leg scream in agony. “Shit. Walking on glass wasn’t this painful!”

Bobby glanced at Jack sharply, but chose not to comment on what was said, just in case it wasn’t something that Jack wanted to relive. They made it across the hallway and Bobby opened the door, maneuvering around Jack so he could support himself on the basin, which could cause even more pain for him. However, there wasn’t anything else Bobby could do, except stand by the closed door in case Jack needed help.

Jack inhaled deeply and forced himself to work through the pain. Somehow, what he went through with the previous foster homes seemed pale in comparison. At least, once they were finished with him, he could still move a little more than he could right then. He relieved his bladder and flushed the toilet, turning to the basin and catching a glimpse of his pale face in the mirror. He looked like hell.

He washed his hands, brushed his teeth and took care of face. He was trying to figure out why his spine was aching the way it was when Bobby knocked softly on the door and asked if he was all right. Jack hummed that he was and turned to the door, opening it and limped out. He heard Bobby snort and knew that the limping gay jokes were already being worked on as Bobby used the bathroom.

Jack made it to his room and stood at the foot of his bed. He fell forward, bouncing on the mattress and igniting another series of screams of agony from his muscle. He was contemplating falling asleep when he heard the bathroom door open. He heard Bobby telling him that what he was about to do was ‘gonna hurt like a motherfucker.’ He pulled a pillow down to Jack and told him to bury his face into it.

Curious on what was about to happen, Jack did as he was told. He screamed as Bobby’s rough hands began massaging his shoulders. “Jesus fuck, Cracker Jack,” Bobby said as he worked on one shoulder at a time. “You’re more knotted than a sailor’s mast.”

Jack muttered incoherently into the pillow as the pain slowly disappeared and it actually began to feel nice on that shoulder. After a few moments, Bobby moved onto the other and Jack was screaming into his pillow again. For a split second, he wished that ibuprofen would help with his condition, but he knew that even if he took an entire sleeve of pills, it wouldn’t know where to start with his body.

He groaned and moaned as his spine was cracked. “Wouldn’t it just be easier to kill me?” he said and looked over his shoulder, eyes widening at the dark look in Bobby’s eyes. “It was a joke, Bobby. Life’s way too short to be that serious.”

Bobby moved for a moment and closed the bedroom door. Jack’s eyes widened and he forced his body to move, staring at the closed door. “Please open the door, Bobby.”

“I need to talk to you in private, Jack.”

“Please open the door, Bobby,” Jack repeated, refusing to look anywhere else. “Even if it’s just a little. Please open it.”

“Okay, Jack,” Bobby said calmly and opened the door a crack. He saw that Jack instantly relaxed and his overworked muscles were brought to the forefront of his mind. Bobby moved Jack around so his back was to the wall. He began massaging Jack’s upper arms. “So, life’s too short, huh?”

Jack glanced at Bobby and went to shrug, hissing as even his clavicles hurt. “It kinda is.”

Bobby was silent for a moment, glancing at the door. “Is that why you took up smoking?”

Jack had never felt so insulted in his entire life. “I’m _not_ suicidal,” he muttered and glared at the bedcovers. “I just…I like the taste of it and I like the release it gives me.” He didn’t even realize that Bobby had stopped massaging his arm.

“You _would_ tell me if you were feelin’ suicidal, right?”

All right, he had never felt so insulted in his life until that question. “Of course I would, Bobby! This family is the only thing that’s kept them away.” Jack kept his eyes lowered, but he lost the glare. “I love you, Mom, Angel and Jeremiah, Bobby. I’ve never… I’ve never been this loved in my entire life.” He looked up, sincerity shining in his eyes.

“We love you, too, Cracker Jack.” Bobby moved onto the other arm, shaking his head as Jack gritted his teeth. “You… You mentioned earlier that you knew what it was like to walk on glass.”

“Yeah,” Jack exhaled and tilted his head back. “Foster home number three. I think I was around six or seven. They enjoyed making us fight for our food.” He touched the electrical burn marks on his sternum. “Foster home number five. A couple of kids living there wanted to see what voltage a kid my age could take before he died.” He winced as Bobby was applying more pressure than needed. “Hey, take it easy. I don’t need bruises!”

Bobby removed his hands from Jack. “Sorry. It’s just I’ve never seen anyone talk about their scars so…casually. You act like we’re talkin’ about the weather, man.”

“The pain they put me through is _nothing_ compared what I’ve done to myself, just by exercising!”

Bobby glanced down and for a split second, Jack caught a glimpse of…something. He wasn’t sure if it was bloodlust, a need for revenge or cold, calculating rage. Either way, that single peek just reminded Jack of what Bobby was really capable of. He had no doubt that if Bobby ever discovered who’d hurt him, they wouldn’t be found until the river thawed or they would be found in some horrible, but highly suspicious ‘accident.’

“Are you jokin’ about that, as well?” Bobby asked as he looked up with a neutral expression.

“Not really,” Jack answered honestly. “This hurts _so_ much!”

“You’re such a drama queen,” Bobby muttered as he went back to massaging Jack’s upper arm. He made his way down to the forearm, ignoring the scars. He wanted to ask about them, since Jack was being so open and honest with him, but he didn’t want to responsible for the bad memories.

“Maybe a little, but I’m a teenager. I’m allowed to be overdramatic.” Jack smirked, which he lost when he realized that Bobby wasn’t looking at him. He was staring at the scars. “Those were from my father.”

Jack didn’t know to tell Bobby that he’d received his first cigarette burn at the age of two. However, that didn’t seem to be what Bobby was thinking about. “Is he the one that gets you…in your nightmares?”

“Yeah,” Jack answered with a nod. “I love that you, Angel and Jerry are so protective of me. But you can’t protect me from what’s inside and what I’m made of.” He blinked when Bobby took hold of his jaw and forced him to keep eye contact.

“You’re stronger than they are. And if you ever feel that you aren’t, you just remember that you’ve got three older brothers that are stronger still. I know what’s inside of you, Jack.”

“The DNA of a child rapist and his enabler?” Jack winced slightly as Bobby’s grip tightened on his jaw.

“The heart of a Mercer,” Bobby corrected and released Jack’s jaw. He moved over to the other forearm. “You threatened a teacher with death because of what she said about Ma. Angel and me have done that. Jerry might act like he don’t agree with it, but he’d do the exact same thing.”

 _The heart of a Mercer…_ Jack thought and smiled. He had no doubt that all of the sons would jump at the chance to make someone spit out their teeth, should they bad mouth Mom. He gazed at Bobby without really seeing him, as his dark eyes were intent on what he was doing. His eyes were drawn down to Bobby’s full lips and he bit his lower lip.

“You okay, Cracker Jack?” Bobby asked and Jack blinked with a quick nod, turning his attention to something that wasn’t Bobby. “You gonna answer me?”

“Sorry. I didn’t hear the question.”

“Did you want me to do your legs, as well?”

“No. You’ve done more than enough.” Jack glanced down at the covers. “I think I’ll get a little more sleep, actually.” The moment Bobby let go of his arm, Jack fell to the side and then rolled onto his stomach. He tensed when he felt Bobby tracing out the scars on his back. “Foster home number eight. The one I was in before I got here.”

Bobby closed his eyes, keeping his anger at bay. “You’re safe now, Jackie. Sweet dreams.” He got off the bed and slipped out of the bedroom, closing the door. Jack was asleep almost instantly.

 

 

 

Jack mumbled and raised his head, staring at the clock on the bedside chest. He saw that it was nine in the morning and stretched, wincing as legs protested. He looked around, trying to see what woke him. He found Mom sitting in the chair that Bobby had brought into the room, knitting. She smiled at him and put her knitting to the side without haste.

“How are you feeling, Jackie?”

“Like I just played nine hours of hockey with Bobby.” Jack rolled over, noting that his arms and shoulders didn’t hurt nearly as badly as they did when he first woke up. If he could trust his body enough not to betray him, he would’ve had Bobby massage his legs as well. “Please tell me its still Saturday.”

Evelyn chuckled and nodded. “I’ve sent Bobby to the pharmacy to get some deep heat for your legs.” She studied him as he nodded. “What’s wrong, Jackie?”

Jack blinked and looked at her, frowning slightly. How could she possibly know that something was bothering him? He hadn’t said or done anything unusual since he woke up, yet she knew. “What kind of wizard are you, Mom?” he asked out loud.

Evelyn laughed softly. “A mother always knows when something is bothering their son,” she answered and pulled the chair closer to the bed. “What’s the matter?”

Jack wanted to tell her how he felt about Bobby, but decided not to bring that up. He didn’t want to be kicked out for having more than hero worship of his older brother. “Was I forgotten yesterday?” he asked quietly and looked at her from under his lashes.

“Oh, Jackie. I’m so sorry,” she said and placed a hand on Jack’s. “Bobby got into a little trouble and we were trying to sort that, which wasn’t made any better when Jeremiah threatened someone.”

“I already said sorry,” Jeremiah called from the bottom of the stairs as he took his coat off. “She deserved it, anyway for what she did.”

Jack blinked in confusion and Evelyn smiled, patting his hand. “You should know what your brothers are like, by now. If one is threatened, the others will jump in and defend them. The downside to that is that your brothers have records and when they threaten someone, those threats are taken very seriously.”

Thinking on how menacing Angel and Bobby could be, Jack got the feeling that they could easily take a life. For some reason, that didn’t scare him. The fact that two of his brothers were probably murderers wasn’t something that made him want to hide and cry. On the contrary, it made him feel safer than before. He knew that his brothers would beat the fear of god into anyone that messed with the family and now, he knew that if anyone hurt a family member badly, they wouldn’t live to see the light of the next day.

Jeremiah was definitely the least violent of the three, but Jack knew he could take a life if push came to shove. He wondered what hell those three had to go through to be that way. Bobby had said that Jack got the worst of them, so why wasn’t he the same as them? The idea of taking a life wasn’t that appealing to Jack and he figured that was the difference.

Jack nodded at Evelyn’s last words, glancing up when there was a knock on the open door. Bobby tossed a tube at Jack, who caught it and thanked him for it. Evelyn smiled and stood up, gathered her knitting and left the room, closing the door. The front door opened and Angel entered, calling out a greeting to the others. He cried out as he was punched and accused of leaving Jack alone at the school.

As quickly as his tense muscles would allow, Jack got off the bed and opened the door, standing by the banister of the second floor. He saw that Angel didn’t even have time to take his coat as Bobby stood over him, demanding the reason why Angel had left Jack alone. Jeremiah stood just inside the living room, glaring down at Angel.

“It wasn’t his fault,” Jack said and quickly looked down when Bobby glared at him.

“Go back to your room, Jack,” Bobby ordered with a forcefully calm voice.

With Bobby distracted, Angel managed to shove him back and got to his feet. “Where the fuck were you two, then?” he demanded as he went to punch Bobby. It was blocked and Bobby’s forehead connected with Angel’s, which made Angel stumble back.

“You know to stay with him if we aren’t there to get him!” Bobby shouted as he punched Angel again and Jack frowned.

“I was outside of _school_!” Jack yelled as he went down the stairs and shoved Bobby back, glaring at him. “What the fuck could’ve happened to me _there_?”

“How about running twenty fuckin' miles, because someone wanted to get their dick wet!” Bobby pushed Jack over to Jeremiah, who held him back from getting involved again.

Jeremiah picked up Jack easily and took him over to the sofa as Angel and Bobby got more physical than Jack’s ever seen them before. He was used to them roughhousing and throwing the occasional punch, but what was happening right in front of him was terrifying. He never thought he’d see his brothers fight so brutally, especially over something so little.

Jack’s eyes widened as Angel was thrown against the fireplace mantle. He honestly thought that Angel would have the advantage over Bobby, considering the height difference between them. Angel charged at Bobby and it was the final punch that sent Angel down, conscious but knowing he couldn’t win. Bobby wiped the blood that was spilling from his split away with the back of his hand and stood over Angel.

“ _Why_ did you leave him, Angel?” Bobby asked more quietly, but the rage radiating off him was still like a living thing.

Angel glanced at Jack, who nodded. He wasn’t blameless. “Because he told me I could,” Angel answered and turned his eyes back to Bobby.

Jeremiah groaned and ran his hands through his hair. “You _know_ the rules, Angel! If we aren’t there to pick him up, you _stay_ with him, till we are!”

Jack winced as Bobby turned his angry eyes to him. “How was I meant to know that I’d be there alone for over an hour?” he demanded and glared right back at Bobby. “No one could call the school so they could get the message to me?”

Bobby frowned and then looked at Jeremiah. “Oh, fuck,” Jeremiah sighed and closed his eyes. He opened them in time to be punched by Bobby. “What the fuck, Bobby?”

As an argument broke out between Bobby and Jeremiah, Jack shook his head and ran upstairs. He ran to the corner of the wall and the tallboy, pulling his knees to his chest and covering his ears, trying desperately to block out the yelling. He didn’t understand why Bobby was so angry. It wasn’t like he’d been hurt, aside from the muscles, which were his own fault.

“You had one fuckin’ job, Jerry!”

“So did you, Bobby! Rule one: stay away from the crazy bitches!”

Jack squeezed his eyes shut, wishing he could rip his ears off so he didn’t have to hear them screaming. He had no idea how to keep up with who was in the wrong. All of them were shouting at each other, to the point that their voices overlapped and just became one giant buzzing sound. He heard a sound cut through the buzzing and realized that it was Evelyn’s voice, barely raised, but it seemed to get to all of them.

“Enough,” she said and her three older sons fell silent. “We all broke the rules yesterday. Angel, go upstairs and get the first aid kit. Jeremiah, I’ve got the peas on the kitchen table. Bobby, you—”

“Jack?” Bobby called and ran up the stairs, followed closely by his brothers, his eyes immediately going to the corner. He hesitantly stepped into the room and got closer to Jack, until he was crouching in front of him.

“Why, Bobby?” Jack asked as a hoarse whisper.

“Why what, Jack?”

Jack lowered his arms and raised his head, gazing at Bobby and then at Jeremiah and Angel. “Why do I need one of you around me, to wait with me after school? I’m fifteen.”

Bobby pursed his lips, glancing over his shoulder as Angel and Jeremiah stood behind him. “To protect you, Jack,” he answered vaguely.

“We’ve all pissed people off, Jackie,” Angel continued as he crouched as well. “And they’ll go after you to hurt us. I shouldn’t’ve forgotten that.”

Bobby glanced at him sharply, but kept his mouth shut. Jack stared at Angel, never knowing that. Suddenly, the thought of the Mercer name holding water in school didn’t seem like a good thing. He thought back to last year, his first day that kid had attacked him because of something Bobby did. Somehow, he forgot to blame Bobby for that, especially after he protected him from Buck.

Jack set his jaw and gazed at Bobby with determination. “Everyone knows that being a Mercer is a serious health hazard,” he stated, which made Angel laughed shortly as he winced at the pain.

Bobby smirked and ruffled Jack’s hair, before he stood and turned to Angel and Jeremiah. Jack watched as the three of them hugged it out and left the bedroom. Jack slumped against the wall, feeling drained and looking at his bed. All he wanted to do was curl up on and go back to sleep, but knew that his time with Bobby had been shortened and he wasn’t get let the rest of it disappear.

oOo

Winter break rolled around and Jack yawned, snuggling down under the covers of his bed. He had to admit that Evelyn was right. Sleeping on the bed was far more comfortable than sleeping under it. He opened his eyes and gazed at the clock on his bedside chest. It was nearing three in the morning, so why was he awake? He shrugged and closed his eyes again and that was when he heard a cupboard opening in the kitchen.

Jack assumed it was Angel getting a drink, but he could hear him snoring in his bedroom. Jack sat up and slipped out of bed, ignoring the cold and opened his bedroom door. He glanced at Evelyn’s door and saw that it was still closed. He went to the stairs, taking care of where he treaded. Like the others, he quickly learned where all the squeaks and creaks were in the floorboards. He crept down the stairs and looked down the hallway.

The person moved through the dining room silently, clearly knowing where the creaks were, too. His eyes lit up and he went into the living room, just as quietly as the other. He waited until whatever they were carrying was put down and then shoved them back. It seemed that the other was expecting it, as his arms were caught and he was turned around, forced down onto his knees.

“That’s a bold move, Cracker Jack,” Bobby whispered and ruffled Jack’s hair, releasing him and turning on the television.

Jack stood up and rubbed his knees, glancing at the screen. He turned around as he saw that it was sports program that was highlighting events from all the games that were on the previous day. Jack smiled and shook his head, heading for the stairs. “It’s good to have you home, Bobby.”

“Goodnight, fairy,” Bobby said as he picked up his sandwich.

 

 

 

Jack’s eyes flew open as he heard Bobby and Angel trying to stifle their laughter. He sat up and tried to wipe the shaving cream off his face with the hand that was covered in it. Angel and Bobby broke out into hysterical laughter and Jack glared at him, slowly getting out of bed, while the other two doubled over and began gasping for air, as he tried to figure out who the mastermind behind it was.

As he searched their faces, Evelyn came up the stairs. “Oh, Bobby. Not the shaving cream one again.”

Jack zeroed in on Bobby. He grabbed a shirt and wiped his hands and face on it, then threw it at Bobby and tackled him while he was still laughing and taking Angel down, as well. Evelyn was smart enough to disappear into her room. He punched Bobby in the solar plexus, which just made him laugh harder and change their positions.

Struggling, Jack tried to keep the pout of his glare, but it seemed that he couldn’t, as Angel stood over him and Bobby. “Aww, he’s adorable,” he cooed and laughed when the glare completely left Jack’s face and he pouted. “C’mon, little brother. We’ve all been had by Bobby and the shaving cream.”

Bobby stood up and clapped Angel on the shoulder. “At least he didn’t cry like you, Angel,” he stated as he walked down the stairs.

“I was thirteen and goin’ through puberty, man,” Angel said as he followed Bobby down the stairs.

Jack stood up and went to the bathroom, as Evelyn came out of her room. She smiled and Jack grinned, grateful that Bobby felt he was stable enough to be pranked. He showered quickly and brushed his teeth, heading back to his bedroom to dress for the day, while putting his laundry into a basket and taking it downstairs. He got his washing going and headed back upstairs to work on a rift that wasn’t sounding right to him.

“Jackie-poo,” Angel called from the bottom of the stairs. “Get down here for breakfast, man.”

Jack forgot about that. Whenever Bobby was home, they always ate at the table. Since Bobby had moved to the earlier shifts at work, he hadn’t been able to call that often, unless he was up early. Jack put his guitar down and headed back downstairs. He went into the dining room as Evelyn came through with a plate stacked high with waffles. It looked as though someone else had set the table.

While Bobby and Angel helped themselves to the waffles, Jack stared down at his empty plate. He blinked when two waffles were placed on it and drizzled in strawberry syrup. He looked up at Evelyn and smiled, thanking her. He began picking at his breakfast, his mind still on the rift. His head snapped up and Bobby smacked him upside it.

“Eat your breakfast, Jack,” he ordered and nodded towards the untouched food.

“I’m not hungry,” Jack said with a shrug and drank his milk.

Bobby watched him and smirked. “Ya have no problem swallowin’ white liquids.”

Jack choked on the last mouthful, while Angel laughed and Evelyn narrowed her eyes. “Bobby, not at the table while we’re eating,” she chided and placed her fork down. “Are you okay, Jackie?”

“Fine,” Jack hissed and glared at Bobby. “I was finished, anyway.” He stood up and left the dining room. He went to his bedroom, pulled on his shoes, grabbed his smokes and lighter and his favorite denim jacket. “I’m heading out for a bit.”

“Stay safe, Jackie,” Evelyn called back, not taking her eyes off of Bobby. “You apologize to him when he gets back.”

Jack walked down the street. The moment he rounded a corner, he lit up and continued walking. He had no idea where he was going, as long as it was away from Bobby for the moment. He knew that Bobby teased him out of love, but some times, it hit a little too close to painful memories for him. He forced the memories back, not wanting them to taint where he was.

As he wandered the streets, Jack kept his hands in his pockets at all times. He shivered as a cold breeze swept by and pierced the thin tee-shirt he had on. He knew he should’ve been paying attention to where he was going, as he didn’t want to get lost and have to call for someone to pick him up. That wouldn’t be an issue until it was, as far as he was concerned.

He passed a nativity scene, which had people caroling around it. Jack ignored it and continued walking, turning up and down streets, ducking and weaving between people that were doing their Christmas shopping. He paused outside of some stores, gazing at what they had on sale, not remotely interested in it, but it gave him a chance to take a rest from walking.

Time soon got away from him, as he noticed that the streets were getting darker. Still, he kept walking, as though driven by some force. He stopped outside of a house and froze, his blood running cold as he tried to figure out why the hell he would go there. Foster home number eight. He could see lights on in the house and people’s shadows as they passed through the rooms. However, he couldn’t hear anyone screaming and figured it would’ve been sold off in the four years that he was living with the Mercers for.

Before Evelyn took him in, that house was the one he was at for the longest. However, it gave him no sense of security or safety, so he had no idea why he would spend an entire day walking there. He wasn’t brave enough to face the people that had hurt him, so he had no idea why he would spend an entire day walking there. He sighed and shook his head, trying to clear it.

He walked away, before someone called the cops. His legs trembled from hunger and exhaustion, but he knew he _had_ to get home. He needed to hug Evelyn and have her tell him that everything was going to be okay and that no one would hurt him. He needed the comfort of knowing that everything bad was in the past.

Jack turned up an alley and froze when he heard a gruff voice say, “Hey, faggot.”

However, he was too tired, too sore and too hungry to deal with that bullshit. “Maybe lower the mirror the next time you say that,” he muttered and continued walking, rolling his eyes as two others blocked his path.

“The fuck did you say to me, bitch?”

As far as Jack could tell, there were only three of them. “I said you shouldn’t call yourself a faggot, fuck knuckle,” he said, not wanting to turn his back to the two.

The one behind him shoved his back hard. Jack stumbled forward a few steps and the other two barreled down on him. He managed to punch one in the face, before his arm was caught. His body was screaming at him to stop using so much energy, while his brain was telling him to fight them off before he died. For a split second, Jack wondered if the ‘heart of a Mercer’ was why he couldn’t keep his mouth around people that wanted to kill him. It would explain so much about Bobby and more often than not, Angel as well. It seemed their mouths would always get them into trouble.

Jack half turned and saw the other was holding a butterfly knife, which he opened. “What do you have to say about this, faggot?”

“It’s probably still bigger than your dick,” Jack stated and mentally slapped himself. He had to stop running his mouth and pissing people off. He inhaled deeply and kicked out the knee of the guy that was holding his arm and kicked the other that was scrambling to his feet from the punch across the jaw.

The one holding him refused to let go, so Jack slipped out of his jacket and hissed as his upper arm was cut with the knife. The one holding it clearly had no idea how to hold a knife correctly, but that wasn’t what was on Jack’s mind. Something about this set up was wrong. One of them had a weapon and wasn’t going in for the kill or to maim, aside from a cut that was hardly deep.

Jack looked down the alley as the one hold the knife smirked in triumphant. Jack saw a mob of people walking down and he assumed they were friends with this lot. _Not again_ , he mentally screamed as he shoved the other out of the way and ran out of the alley, forgetting about his jacket. He had no idea where he was or where he was going, but he just ran. The only thought in his mind was: Get to Bobby.

His legs moved faster when he heard gunshots and bullets sailing past him. He heard the other people on the street screaming and ducking for cover, while Jack rounded a corner and slipped on a patch of ice. He gritted his teeth as his hip and shoulder took all of the force. He knew they were going to be bruised the next day, but he got up and continued running.

The city was a blur to him, his eyes only picking up possible exits that could extend the lead he had over the gang behind him. His lungs burned and he could feel his lighter digging into his thigh. After a few minutes, the adrenaline wore off and slowed and fell to his knees, trying desperately to catch his breath. He couldn’t any more gunshots and he looked over his shoulder, deciding they probably figured he wasn’t worth the chase. He had no idea why they thought he was worth attempting to mug, though. He was a scrawny ass kid that had holes in his jeans.

As panted, he rubbed his arms to keep them warm. He looked at his left hand and frowned when he saw blood. He forgot about the cut on his arm and sighed. Mom was going to flip out. He stumbled to his feet and shuffled out of the alley, looking around for some kind of landmark to tell him where he was.

“Found ya, bitch.”

Jack’s eyes widened slightly and he looked to his right, seeing the idiot that didn’t know how to hold a knife and four others behind him. “Come _on_ , man! All this over a few smartass comments?”

“No, actually,” a different voice said and the five parted as a tall walked up to him. “We know you’re the youngest Mercer and I’d like you to give a message to Bobby.”

For a stupid moment, Jack relaxed. “Was that all? You could’ve just said that, man.”

The man smiled, his eyes cold and nodded. “Just tell Bobby that Harley said to get the fuck out of the city or we’ll come back and finish the job.”

“Finish what job?” Jack asked stupidly, before his vision was blacked out and he was gagged, dragged into the alley, where he had the shit kicked out of him. He felt three ribs break and knew his right shoulder was dislocated. They took it relatively easy on his face, but he knew he had a concussion.

“Do you remember the message?” the man asked, listening to Jack’s wheezing breaths once he removed the gag.

“Yes,” Jack choked out.

“Good.” The man did something, as Jack was picked up and thrown into the back of a van. “We’ll drop you off on your street.”

The drive was done in silence and lasted only a few minutes, before the van stopped and Jack was throw out onto the sidewalk. He sat up and removed the bag, seeing a dark van speed off down the street. He had no idea how he managed it, but he got to his feet and stumbled home. He had no idea how late it was, but he just wanted to go to bed and sleep forever.

He entered through the front door and ignored Bobby as he stood in the living room entrance. He tried to shamble upstairs, but found that he didn’t have the energy after taking on the front steps. “Stop,” Bobby ordered and Jack did. “Turn around.” Jack followed the order and stared at Bobby with glazed eyes. “We’re going to the hospital.”

Jack didn’t make a sound or fight back as Bobby gently led him out of the house and into the car. He tried not to breath or think, shifting to alleviate some of the pain from his ribs. Bobby was silent, not even asking who had done it or where he’d been when he was jumped. Jack was grateful for the silence, but he did notice how white Bobby’s knuckles were.

“I’m—”

The car screeched to a stop and Bobby got out. He opened Jack’s door and tried to support him with as little pain as possible, taking him into the emergency room and that’s where Jack blacked out. When he woke again, he had no idea how much time had passed, but he was in a hospital room. He was alone with the beeping machines.

He looked at everything that was on him. He removed the IV and the pads that read his heart and pulse rates, flinching as the machines flat lined, which brought a nurse running in as Jack stood on his feet, unstable. She shook her head and tried to get him back into the bed, but Jack refused to budge until he knew where Bobby was. She told him that her brothers had gone home for the night.

“I wanna go home,” he told her and ignored the pain his throat and she shook her head.

“You can’t go home right now, Mister Mercer. Now, please get back in the bed, so I can hook you up again.”

“I wanna go home,” he said again, glaring at the woman that was in his way. He needed to see Mom and his brothers. He didn’t want to spend the night away from them. “I need to see Bobby.”

The nurse sighed softly. “I will have you physically restrained if you don’t get back in the bed,” she warned and Jack ignored her.

“I need Bobby.”

Before she could open her mouth to say that he wasn’t there for the third time, there was a commotion outside of the room. “Sir? Sir, you can’t go in there!” The man cried out in pain and the nurse went to see what was happening. She jumped back when the door to the room swung open.

“Bobby,” Jack said as his eyes filled with tears and he stumbled over to his brother. Bobby supported him and took him back to the bed. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t worry about it, Jack,” Bobby told him as he laid him down and stood back, holing Jack’s gaze as the nurse fixed him up to the machines and IV again.

“You really shouldn’t be in here,” she said softly to Bobby and tensed at the glare he sent her. “He needs to rest.”

“Oh, yeah. He was doin’ a _lot_ of that when I came in,” Bobby snapped and the nurse pursed her lips. “Either I stay or he leaves with me. I’d prefer he stays here. But make no mistake, I _will_ break him out if you call the cops.”

The nurse looked at Jack and saw that he was far more compliant with his brother around. She got the feeling that if she had Bobby removed by force, Jack would follow him and she sighed. “I’ll bring a chair in for you.” She went to the door and saw that the doctor that tried to stop Bobby had a bloody nose. “Was that necessary?”

“He got in my way,” Bobby replied and watched as she left the room. His eyes returned to Jack and he held his hand up as Jack opened his mouth. “I know who did it, Jack.” He pulled the newspaper out of the back pocket of his jeans and dropped it on Jack’s lap.

Jack read the headline: Gang of Twelve Dead. “Did you get Harley?”

“Of course we did, Jackie,” Bobby said as the nurse came back in, carrying a chair. She set it down beside the bed and left again. Bobby sat down and sighed. “You gotta stop walkin’ the streets alone, man. Where the fuck did you go for thirteen hours?”

Jack lowered his eyes the newspaper and rolled a corner between his thumb and forefinger. “I just walked around. I didn’t mean to stay out so long.” He frowned as he saw the date on the newspaper was December 31st. “How long was I asleep for?”

“You fell into a coma for a month,” Bobby said quietly and dropped his eyes to the bed covers. He looked over his shoulder as the nurse came in with a cup and a jug of water, handing them to Bobby. He poured the water into the cup and placed the jug on the table, handing the cup to Jack. They fell silent as the nurse took note of Jack’s vitals and then left them alone.

Jack sipped the water, still digesting Bobby’s words. It didn’t feel like he’d been asleep for that long. “I’m sorry, Bobby. I’ve been nothing but trouble since I got there.”

“Don’t you fuckin’ dare go down that road,” Bobby growled and exhaled shakily when Jack lowered his head. “If Ma was here, she’d tell ya that you’re worth the trouble.” He paused, hoping it would get Jack to look up. He smirked when it did. “And we agree with her.”

Jack nodded and dropped his eyes back to the newspaper. He kept his eyes down as Bobby stood and moved the newspaper to the table. He certainly didn’t feel as though he was worth the trouble, since this was the second time that he’d gone to the hospital.

“Jack, I’m sorry.”

With a frown, Jack looked up. Bobby looked heartbroken, which closed Jack’s throat. “Why?”

“I should’ve been there to protect ya, man.”

Jack turned his head away, letting the tears slide out of his eyes and disappear into the fabric of the pillow. “It wasn’t your fa—”

“Yeah, it was, Jack and that just makes it worse.” Jack could hear the anger that Bobby had for himself and knew nothing he said would stop Bobby from hating himself. He would never stop feeling guilty.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Jack stated and looked at him. “If I hadn’t walked so far away from home, I wouldn’t have been out of your reach.” He shifted uncomfortably in the bed. “How’d you even know I was awake?”

Bobby shrugged. “I have no idea. It was the same whenever Angel or Jerry were in the hospital. I guess it’s just big brother intuition.” He sat down in the chair and Jack noticed for the first time just how tired his oldest brother looked.

“Are you okay?”

Bobby chuckled bitterly and tilted his head back. “Wow,” he said and leveled his head, gazing at Jack. “Don’t worry about me, you little fairy. You concentrate on healin’, so you can go back to school.”

Jack lied back on his pillows, keeping his head turned to Bobby. He knew that Bobby never wanted any of his brothers worrying about him and shouldered every responsibility he thought he had to. The only problem was, aside from Mom, Bobby had no one to lean on and Jack wished he would find someone. Preferably him. He shoved that thought out of his head, not wanting to go there while he was on painkillers and feeling tired.

“I love you, Bobby.”

“I love you, too, little brother.” Bobby settled down in the chair, staring at the window of the room. “Get some sleep. You look like shit.” Jack smiled and closed his eyes.

oOo

When he was discharged a few days later, Evelyn kept Jack at home for a further week, just to make sure he was strong enough to handle going back to school. Jack wanted to ask her if she knew about the Harley incident, but she simply smiled as if knowing what he was thinking and told him that Bobby _always_ protects his family, at any cost. He also learned when he got home, that Angel had left to join the military after the massacre.

Since he was home alone most of the time, Jack ambled around. He’d spent too long in a bed already and he wanted something to do. TV bored him and he couldn’t concentrate enough to focus on his guitar. He’d washed his bedding every day, just for something to do. He made cupcakes and muffins, since they had the ingredients and it gave him something else to do.

His ribs still weren’t fully healed, which meant he could only walk up the stairs, instead of taking them two at a time. He did all the laundry he could find and often dirtied clothing and anything else he could his hands on, just to clean up a mess. By day three, he was getting angry and purposely left his smokes in his bedroom, as he knew he’d spend all day just sitting around and smoking.

He was outside, having his second one of the day when he heard a car pull into the driveway. He cursed and ducked down, waiting to see if the driver would come to the backdoor. He relaxed as whoever it was went to the front and finished his smoke, flicking the butt away and stayed outside for a few more minutes, hearing Bobby calling out for him.

Bobby went to the backdoor and watched Jack for a minute, seeing the listlessness in his eyes. "You been bakin’ again, you little fairy?”

“Yep,” Jack answered and slipped his hands into the pockets of his jeans, staring up at the sky. “Cookies, today. I might try éclairs tomorrow.”

“Have you been eatin’?” Jack shrugged. Food wasn’t very appealing to him at the moment. “C’mon, Jackie. Ya gotta eat, man.”

Jack pulled his arm free as Bobby grabbed. “Why?”

“Because Ma’d kill if she found out I let you starve your fairy ass. Now, get inside and have something to eat.” Jack shook his head. “Goddamn it, Jack!” Bobby grabbed him and threw him into the laundry room.

Jack glared at Bobby. “I’m not hungry.”

“I don’t give a shit. You don’t wanna be under house arrest? Shut the fuck up and eat somethin’.” Bobby shook his head as he walked past Jack and headed upstairs to shower.

Jack sighed and went into the kitchen. He knew that Bobby was right and that just infuriated him. He made a sandwich and sat down at the table, staring at it. His stomach was churning and he knew he wouldn’t be able to eat it. He pushed the plate away, looking at the cookies that were on the counter. He would need to ice those, which gave him something to do.

Leaving the sandwich on the table, Jack got the icing sugar and looked at the bowl of oranges that were sitting on the counter as well. With a shrug, he decided to juice them. He heard the shower turn off and Bobby go into Angel’s room, where he was staying while home. Jack heard him come down the stairs a few minutes later, as he juiced the last orange.

“I told you to eat.”

Jack ignored him and strained the juice, removing any of the pulp that might have gotten into it. He felt Bobby standing behind him and sighed. “I told you I wasn’t hungry,” he said as he dropped the sieve into the sink and began mixing the juice into the powdered sugar.

Bobby backed off, figuring Jack was going through one of his mood swings again. He sat down at the table and ate the sandwich instead, watching as Jack got the icing to the right consistency. He wasn’t sure if Ma had taught the fairy to make the sweets he was, but he had to admit that Jack actually looked happy while he was icing the cookies.

“Somethin’ bother’ ya, sweetheart?” Bobby asked as he finished the sandwich and took the plate to the sink. Jack shook his head and Bobby waited until he finished the last cookie, before saying, “Stop lyin’ to me.”

Jack sucked the icing off his thumb as he turned to Bobby. “I’m not,” he said and put the bowl in the sink, turning on the hot water. He washed what dishes were in the sink, trying to ignore Bobby. The oldest was basically pressed to his side. He relaxed when Bobby moved away and dried his hands. He turned around and found Bobby just right there. “Fuck, Bobby! What’s your problem?”

“Well, there’s work, which is being a bitch at the moment. There’s the fact that I might be brought up on charges for Harley’s murder. But right now, my problem is you.” Bobby watched as Jack hung up the dish towel. “Why aren’t you eatin’?”

“What do you mean you might be brought up on charges for Harley’s murder?”

“Everyone knows he had a beef with me,” Bobby said with a shrug. “Little Jackie Mercer ends up in the hospital and a week later, Harley and his gang are discovered in a garage.”

Jack was about to ask if they’d left any evidence behind, when his brain clicked onto something else. “Did you… Did you just try to recreate the Valentine’s Day Massacre in Detroit?” he asked with a smirk.

“The only thing missin’ was the Tommy gun.” Bobby grabbed a beer from the fridge and went into the living room. “And tyin’ Al Capone to it.”

Jack followed Bobby into the living room and gently eased himself down in front of the sofa. He caught Bobby staring at him and frowned. “What?”

“You could try sittin’ on the sofa, man.”

“With you taking up as much room as humanly possible?” Jack scoffed and rolled his eyes. He sighed when he felt Bobby’s foot playing with his hair. “Stop it, Bobby.”

“You could ask me to move, ya know.”

Bobby’s foot didn’t let up and Jack glared at him. “Stop it or I’ll fuckin’ break ’em,” he warned, which earned him a cocked eyebrow from Bobby.

“Why so violent toward your big brother, Jackie?”

Before Jack could answer, there was a knock at the door. Bobby gave no indication that he was going to move, so Jack slowly stood up and went to the door. He frowned as there a courier there and opened the door. He accepted and signed for the letter that was handed over, seeing his name on it. He had no idea why someone would be sending a letter that had to be signed for to him, especially when it was addressed to Jack Mercer.

“Who is it, Jack?” Bobby asked when he didn’t hear the front door closed. He didn’t receive and answer and stood up, going to the living room entrance. There was no one at the door, but Jack was staring down at something. “What’s wrong?”

Jack blinked and closed the door, turning around and slipping the letter into the back pocket of his jeans. “Nothing. I’m gonna rest for a little bit. My ribs are killing me.” He headed upstairs, feeling Bobby’s eyes on him, until the door was closed.

With shaking hands, Jack opened the envelope and saw City of Detroit in the header. He had no idea what it could be. He pulled the letter out and read the words, his eyes widening. He swallowed thickly and went to his favorite corner, unable to let go of the letter and unable to think of what to do if it happened.

A few hours later, Evelyn came home. Jack had heard Bobby in the kitchen getting dinner started an hour or so ago, but he couldn’t move. Evelyn and Bobby made conversation about how their day was and Evelyn sent Bobby up to collect Jack for dinner. Even a blind man would see that Jack wasn’t eating and it was beginning to scare her.

Jack continued to stare at his knees, barely registering that someone was knocking on his door. He didn’t show a flicker of recognition when Bobby crouched in front of him. He gave up no fight as Bobby took the letter, read it and grew unnaturally still. He didn’t hear a word of assurance that Bobby said. All he could think about were the times from his birth to when he was taken away at six.

He had tried so hard to joke about those years, thinking that he’d never be hurt by that man again. He tried to forget about them, praying that he’d never get hurt by that man again. He didn’t fight when Bobby picked him up and placed him in the bed, pulling off his shoes. He was tucked in and the light was left on, as Bobby left the room, going back to the dining room with the letter.

Bobby handed the letter over to Evelyn and she swallowed, standing up. “When did this come?”

“Today. It’s addressed to him, which is why he read it. Why didn’t you tell us that he’d come up for parole twice before?”

“Because I knew that you would talk me out of keeping him in prison, so he could be released and you, Angel and Jeremiah could kill him.” Bobby opened his mouth to defend himself, but Evelyn silenced him with a glance. “We need to keep him as far away as possible from Jackie.”

“And if he’s dead, he’ll never touch him—or even _think_ of touchin’ him again!”

Evelyn lowered her eyes to the letter. She would never openly condone murder, especially if it meant that one of her boys might be caught. She didn’t want them going to jail for life. Bobby had already spent more than his fair share of time in juvenile detention and still managed to break the law.

“If— _if_ —you did this, you would have to leave and that’d crush Jack more than having him back on the streets.” Evelyn looked up and saw that Bobby seemed ready to accept that punishment; the possibility that Jack might hate him, though Evelyn knew that Jack would never hate him fully.

“I’ve seen what that piece of shit did to him. I want it dead.” Bobby left the dining room and went back to Jack’s room.

Evelyn sat down and stared at the letter without seeing it. She knew that Bobby would do something stupid, so he could get arrested and end up in the same prison as his target. She knew that Bobby could murder the man and leave no trace that he was there. She would be lying if she said that didn’t feel the exact same way as Bobby, but she was his mother and she had to talk him out of it.

As the night wore on, Evelyn cleaned up the dining room and put away the leftovers, sighing heavily. She knew that Bobby leaving would likely send Jack into a downward spiral that she wouldn’t be able to save him from. They had all worked so hard to bring him out of his shell, but she also knew the only reason Bobby had hung around instead of going back to his job, was because Angel had left. He was staying for Jack.

After wiping down the counters, Evelyn went into the living room. She cleared her way to the fireplace and reached up inside, pulling out a packet of cigarettes that had been there way too long, but she didn’t care at the moment. She needed to think and she wasn’t going to steal Jack’s, though she wished he would quit.

She went outside, standing on the pathway to the front of the house, lighting up. She inhaled and wrinkled her nose. Stale cigarettes were never a good thing, but she was desperate. As she smoked, she looked at the two cars in the driveway. She loved it when her boys visited, though she often wished Bobby would hang around a little longer than the average week. Thanks to Jack, she had gotten longer stays from Bobby.

And now, she knew she might not see him for quite some time. She figured it wouldn’t be any different than the time he left at sixteen, only to return for Christmas two years later and meet Jack. She continued to puff away, knowing that this time wouldn’t be the same as then. Bobby had left without warning and still hadn’t given her a reason for why he left, though she suspected it was because of a death he couldn’t stop. She had expected him to run after he and his brothers took out the gang that had attacked Jack.

Finishing the cigarette, she flicked it into the snow and sighed, exhaling the last of it in her lungs. She pulled her coat around her body a little more, looking at the house. It seemed so quiet without Angel and Jeremiah and she knew it would fall dead silent when Bobby left. Jackie would always be a quiet kid, but he would make up for it by playing music too loud or strumming his guitar, which seemed to grate on Bobby’s nerves, except when Jack practiced one solo from a song he enjoyed.

Evelyn thought about Jack, about what he had gone through. She knew there were other Jacks out there, all going through what he did without someone like her to save them. But she had saved Jack, just as she had saved Angel, Jeremiah and Bobby. She knew that Jack came to her for comfort, but Bobby gave him the security that was missing from his life. He was a…mostly…positive male role model.

Bobby tried to do what was right, but trouble always found him. Whether it was from his past or because he was in the wrong place at the wrong time, he usually had to fight his way out. That’s exactly what Bobby was; a fighter. He fought for his mother, his home and his brothers. He always had a strong bond with them, but she knew there was a different kind of bond with Jack.

This instance wouldn’t be the first time that Bobby had killed for his brothers. Before Angel and Jeremiah were big enough to fully defend themselves, Bobby was there. As soon as they were old to fight their own fights, Bobby stood back and would help when needed. Somehow, Bobby always knew when one of his brothers was in trouble. He seemed to have some kind of beacon that was just as strong as Evelyn’s.

She looked up at the second floor, knowing that Bobby was watching over Jack. She feared Bobby’s return, if she gave him the permission he wanted. Every time he killed someone, a little piece of him seemed to die. She knew that eventually all of him would die and there’d be no cure for it. She didn’t want to lose him because of something she let happen. She wished she’d been home to receive the letter.

With a sigh, she lit another cigarette, knowing she had to decide if she let Bobby murder someone and then run, or if she let him go to prison, murder a man and then stay behind bars for the rest of his life. She knew the first option was the best, but that would destroy Jack. If he was in prison, Jack could still get to see him and it would make a lot of the cops feel better knowing that the oldest Mercer boy was off the streets, which just strengthened her resolve. She could help Jack as much as she could.

After finishing her cigarette, Evelyn returned the packet to the fireplace and made everything the same as before. She inhaled deeply and went upstairs, stopping at Jack’s doorway. Jack was asleep, though he was hardly breathing and she found Bobby sitting in a chair, watching him like a hawk for the slightest sign of distress. He glanced at her from the corner of his eye and she gave a slight nod, knowing that she would lose both children in one night. Somehow, it seemed worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Fiskepinden for the kudos! Glad to know you enjoyed it. Also, thanks to the others that have read this far. The next chapter should hopefully be up soon.  
> Until the next one!  
> Peace.
> 
> Auska.


	4. Chapter IV

**~Shadow of Blue~**

**By:** Aerys Krystie.

 

oOo

 

**Age 17**

Jack lied on his bed, staring up at the ceiling with an unlit cigarette hanging from his lips. Jeremiah had just left from his weekly visit, which started up a week after Bobby vanished from Detroit. Evelyn knew why her oldest had disappeared, but she refused to say anything. Jack wished he knew what happened, but shit had hit the fan the day he received that letter about his father coming up from parole. That was the last he heard of it, as Evelyn went to the hearing on his behalf.

A month later, Bobby went out, saying he was going to see some drinking buddies and never came back. Jack was grateful that at least he didn’t say he was going out for a pack of smokes. He was certain he had more than enough daddy issues. The previous year had been hell for him. He was in the giant house, alone with Evelyn and she tried her best. He knew she was trying to be everything Bobby was to him, but Jack lived in the delusion that she didn’t know how he truly felt about Bobby.

The only good to come from his sixteenth year was Jeremiah getting him an acoustic guitar for his birthday. He had played until his fingers bled on that thing, which was now sitting in his favorite corner of the room. The worst thing to come from his sixteenth year was seeing the disappointment in Evelyn’s eyes whenever Jack came back home in the middle of the night stinking of smoke, booze and sex. She never said anything, which just upset Jack even more. He needed her to get angry with him, just like Bobby would.

Jack closed his eyes as he rolled over and then stared at the wall beside his bed. He figured that was why he acted the way he was. He wanted it to get so bad that Evelyn was forced to bring Bobby back to smack some sense into him. Thankfully, he was smart enough to stay away from the heavy drugs. Actually, it seemed that alcohol was his drug of choice. On occasion, he would take a couple hits off a joint, but he never really saw the appeal in drugs.

He remembered when he came home with his new tattoo, which would be hidden under his jacket sleeve. ‘Spares’ scrawled along his arm, wrapped up and under clothing and still Evelyn had somehow known what he had done. She had a cream waiting for him on his bed and told him to take care of it, as she didn’t want him to get an infection. Over the next few months, he got three other tattoos and again, she told him take care of them. He didn’t know what else to do to get a rise from her, as horrible as that sounded.

Jeremiah visited every Sunday and would spend a few hours with Jack, taking him out to lunch and asking him about his week. Jack enjoyed those times. It reminded him of a couple years back and he was pleased to see that Jeremiah was doing well with his life. He had proposed to Camille and she’d said yes. They were planning their wedding and Jack was curious if Camille was ever going to meet Bobby, though he got the feeling that Jeremiah was trying to protect Camille.

School was still boring as fuck and without any reason to apply himself, Jack became the Mercer that the teachers were expecting him to be. He skipped class, broke the rules of the school and had broken in half a dozen times, once specifically to set the study hall on fire. As it went up in flames, he felt a small spark of pride and had run, laughing like a madman with his accomplices staring at him, clearly wondering if it was a smart move on their part to get involved with a Mercer.

Evelyn had read about the school study hall burning and had simply asked Jack if he’d done it. When she didn’t get a reply, she told him that Angel and Bobby would be proud of him. Jack had stared at her as she left his bedroom and wondered if he had to kill someone to get the reaction he wanted out of her. He had given it serious consideration, but decided that he couldn’t be bothered. The only person he truly wanted dead was rotting away in prison, as far as he knew.

Jack sighed and sat up, opening the bedroom window and crawling onto his desk. He stuck his head and shoulders out the window, which he could easily do by leaning over his desk. He’d grown so much that he constantly had to get new jeans. However, it seemed that his height was holding steady at six foot, which he was grateful for. He lit the cigarette and sighed out the smoke.

That was another thing Evelyn had asked him about. Jack had shrugged and she told him that there was no smoking in the house, since she knew he wouldn’t quit, regardless of what she said, did or showed him. As long as he didn’t have to break the law or do anything questionable for money to pay for them, she was fine with him smoking. Jack had agreed that he wouldn’t smoke in the house and technically, he wasn’t. He was aware that Evelyn knew how much her sons loved their technicalities.

Jack finished his smoke and slipped back inside, going back to his bed. Summer vacation wasn’t that interesting when he wasn’t invited out. Then again, the last party he went to, he came back home with bloody knuckles and with the cops at the front door. Thankfully, no charges were pressed as no one knew for certain who threw the first punch. Since it was clear that Jack was only drunk, the cop that picked him up decided he could sleep it off at home.

Not even bringing the cops to the front door was enough to get anything more than a disappointed smile from his Mom. Of course, he stupidly forgot that she was used to the cops showing up at all hours of the day with one or more of her sons in cuffs. He was just another Mercer boy, following in the footsteps laid out by the previous three. Except, now that all three had stepped off the path, Jack had no footsteps left to follow and he was terrified to make his own.

As he looked at the guitar in his corner, he smiled forlornly. Maybe it wasn’t that scary, he decided.

oOo

The party was noisy as hell. Jack couldn’t hear anything anyone said over the music and everyone else screaming to be heard. He moved through the house, smiling and nodding at the people he knew when they caught his eye. He looked around for someone to make his night worth sneaking out.

He knocked shoulders with friends and smirked as they moved into an empty room to enjoy themselves. He found his way into the kitchen and grabbed an unopened bottle of beer. His friends quickly learned that he wouldn’t accept a drink unless he poured it or it was unopened. Of course, by the time he rocked up, most of the beer bottles were sitting around, empty or forgotten.

Other teens were milling around, making out or taking hits from a bong. Jack wasn’t feeling the need to get stoned, so he just smiled and shook his head as they offered to him. He rolled his shoulders and looked around, seeing a pair of teens watching him closely. They ducked their heads and whispered to each other as whispered and then moved out of the kitchen. Jack cocked an eyebrow. That was pretty normal, especially if they knew what his last name is.

Heading out to the back patio, Jack shook his head as a kid dived into the pool. It was like fifty degrees out that night and the pool wasn’t heated. The kid came up, gasping and shivering and trying to tell his friends that the water was worth it. Jack lit up and walked away from the pool. He smoked and drank by himself for a few minutes, watching as others walked in and out of the house. No one there was taking his fancy and he was regretting leaving the house.

“You’re a Mercer, right?”

Jack yawned and looked up at a blond that was staring down at him. “Yeah,” he said and closed his mouth. “Got a problem with that?”

The blond shook her head and sat down beside Jack, smiling. “Nope! I was just wonderin’ what that was like,” she said and her smile stretched.

“Who the fuck are you?”

The girl blinked, taken aback by the harshness of Jack’s voice. “Oh, I’m Danni Pescatelli. I moved here about three months ago. I was warned by everyone to stay away from the Mercers, but you don’t seem that scary. Maybe a little moody, but definitely not scary.”

Jack stared at her blankly. He didn’t remember seeing her in school, but he was rarely there and he rarely paid attention to anyone aside from the location of the truant officer and other authority figures. He still had no idea why anyone would warn her against him, since he hadn’t done much. They couldn’t pin the study hall fire on him, though he’d been questioned extensively for it.

“Pescatelli,” Jack repeated and finished his beer. “You just got here from New York, right?” Danni nodded and Jack stood up. “Look, whatever ya family’s into, I don’t give a shit. You bring trouble to my front door and then you’ll see why you were warned away from the Mercers.”

Danni raised an eyebrow and also stood. “I don’t appreciate being threatened, Mercer.”

“That wasn’t a threat, Pescatelli. It was a friendly reminder.”

Danni smirked and flicked her hair over her shoulder with a toss of her head. “Is that so? We’ve done our homework on the Mercer family fuck-ups,” she said and stretched her arms above her head. “You and your brother Jeremiah aren’t a threat. Angel’s in the marine corps and the one we’d even bother to look at is on the run.”

Jack tensed as she placed a hand on his shoulder and then pressed her lips to his, which made him growl and pull away. He didn’t want to admit that her knowing that much about his family rattled him. He wanted to know why Bobby was on the run, though.

“So, we can do whatever the fuck we want to you and your front door. Big brother ain’t around to protect you.” She smirked and suddenly became very unattractive. “You still havin’ nightmares?”

It took every ounce of willpower to stop himself from punching her teeth down her throat. Jack wasn’t about to start a family war, especially considering the Pescatelli family was likely massive. She wasn’t lying when she said that big brother wasn’t around to protect him. He probably wouldn’t be there if Bobby was still at home. Still, it scared him a little how much she knew about his family.

“If you know anyhin’ about my family,” he finally said with clenched teeth. “Then you know that if anythin’ happens to any of us, you’ll have to deal with the anger of Bobby.”

“Oh, please,” Danni said with a dismissive wave of her hand. “Bobby won’t do anything stupid, especially if we know where he lives and how vulnerable his mother is.”

All emotion left Jack as he gazed her. The smirk slowly died from her face the longer he stared at her. “Ya shouldn’t’ve said that,” he said calmly and shoved her down. “You threaten Evelyn Mercer again and you’ll see just how much influence Bobby’s had on me.”

Jack looked up as he heard his name being called. A friend approached him and handed him a beer, which he opened in front of Jack. “Don’t do anything stupid, man,” his friend said as he dragged Jack toward the house. “Her family is messed up.”

Jack glanced at the teen, wondering how messed up her family was. He was used to living through messed up families. While the Mercer family had its faults, it sure as hell wouldn’t randomly threaten people unless they were threatened first. Once again, Jack found himself wishing that Bobby was around. He knew that the shit Danni just said wouldn’t have flown if the biggest threat was in the city.

Shaking his head, Jack drank the beer and dropped the bottle outside the backdoor, before he lit up again. He walked through the house, frowning as his eyes started to close. He shook his head as the world started to spin. He knew that wasn’t right; not after two beers. He made his way upstairs, wanting to find a room and pass out. His common sense was telling him to leave and go home, where it was _safe_. That was the word that kept repeating in his mind.

 _Safe._ Get somewhere _safe_. Jack dropped his cigarette as he walked up the stairs. His feet felt like they were stuck in mud and he was wading through water. He gripped the banister tightly, trying to find somewhere _safe_ that he could wait it out. He felt a hand on the small of his back and spun around, punching the person that would dare to touch him. He saw someone tumble down the stairs, before another figure showed up in front of him.

Jack had no idea how he managed it, but he managed to block the punches that were aimed for his face. He barely felt the knife that sliced through his jacket sleeves and into his flesh. He fought back as much as he could, before the spinning became too much. He swayed as he looked out over the party. No one seemed to notice the fight on the stairs and all Jack wanted to do was scream for help.

The music was too loud. The voices were too loud. He knew he was thinking of screaming for Bobby, but he wasn’t sure if he actually did. He tried to see the face of the pair that was taking him upstairs, but everything was too blurry. He knew that his legs had stopped working, but that wasn’t a problem for them. The last thing he felt before he forgot everything was falling onto a bed.

oOo

Jack woke with a sharp intake and looked around. He was in a hospital room…again. How did he get there? _Why_ was he there? He looked at his hands and arms and saw that they were covered in defensive marks, which seemed to have been from a knife and fists if the cuts and bruises were anything to go by. The last thing he remembered was a party, in some abandoned house. He was almost blind drunk and then everything went black. Had he gone too far?

He looked out the window of the room and saw Evelyn talking with a doctor in the hallway. Evelyn was crying and Jack’s eyes widened. The _only_ reason she’d cry about him being alive was if someone did the unthinkable to him. Jack closed his eyes and tried to sit up. Pain in a certain area told him that it had happened. How could he not remember that? He’d gone way too far. He could sort of handle her disappointment, but he knew she’d blame herself for something she had no control over.

With a sigh, Jack opened his eyes and watched as Evelyn and the doctor continued to talk. He saw Jeremiah run down the hallway and pull Evelyn into a hug, trying to comfort her as much as he could. He saw that Jack was awake and mentioned it to the doctor, who entered the room and kept the door open. He stood beside the bed and checked his vitals, before smiling slightly.

“Hi, Jack. I’m Doctor Bryant. Do you know where you are?” Jack nodded. He didn’t know exactly which hospital he was in, but he knew he was in one. “Do you know why you’re here?”

Jack’s eyes slid over to his family. “I was beaten and raped,” he stated calmly and glanced at the doctor, seeing the shock on his face. “And before you send in the cops, I don’t remember who did it.”

“I figured as much. Rohypnol was found in your blood. We’d like to keep you over—”

“I wanna go home,” Jack cut in, feeling sick. He couldn’t even remember who he was with when he blacked out. How did he get the defensive wounds, if he was unconscious?

“I know you do, Jack. But you’ve gone through a lot and we’d like to make sure everything is—”

“I wanna go home!” Jack shouted, which startled the doctor. It brought Evelyn and Jeremiah into the room, as well, as Jack continued to glare at the doctor.

“What’s the problem?” Jeremiah demanded, while Evelyn hugged Jack tightly, weeping quietly.

“He isn’t ready to leave,” the doctor said and sighed. “He was stitched up twenty minutes ago and honestly, I’m quite surprised that he came out of anesthesia so quickly.”

Jeremiah scratched the nape of his neck. “Look, the only person that could keep him here ain’t around. So, you got two choices. You either knock him out with a sedative or we’re takin’ him home.”

The moment the doctor’s eyes looked at the IV, Jack growled. “You come anywhere near me with a sedative and I’ll rip my fuckin’ arm open with the needle,” he warned and felt Evelyn shake her head, not at all surprised that Jack would go to any level to get what he wanted.

The doctor raised an eyebrow, but turned to Jeremiah. “Did you want to sign the discharge papers?”

As Jeremiah and the doctor left the room, Evelyn pulled back and wiped her eyes. “I’m so sorry, Jackie,” she whispered, unable to look him in the eye.

“Don’t blame yourself, Mom. _None_ of this was your fault. But… _I’m_ sorry.” Jack smiled as that got Evelyn to look at him.

“Don’t you _ever_ apologize for what was done to you, Jackie,” she warned and cupped his cheek, fresh tears welling in her eyes. “I brought you home to keep your safe and it still happened.”

“It didn’t happen _at_ home, Mom. I know I’m safe there.” Jack took hold of her hand and pulled her in for a hug, lowering his eyes.

Evelyn pulled back after a minute and opened the bag she had with her, handing Jack jeans, shirt and shoes. “I’ll be outside if you need any help, okay?” She forced a very small smile and then left the room, after drawing the curtains across the window to give him privacy.

Jack removed the IV and the stickers stuck to his chest, ignoring the flat line sound. He gritted his teeth as he sat on the edge of the bed and then got to his feet. He pulled off the hospital gown and bit back a scream of pain as he stepped into his jeans. He’d just pulled on his shirt when there was a knock at the door. Jack called out for the person to enter and smiled at Jeremiah. There was no way in hell he was able to put his shoes alone.

“You sure you wanna leave, Jackie?”

Jack just nodded. A lump formed in his throat at the gentleness of Jeremiah’s voice. He lifted his foot as Jeremiah got on a knee in front of him and did up his laces. Jack felt like a child and leaned heavily on Jeremiah for support as they left the room. He glared at any hospital staff that dared to make eye contact with him, especially when he knew that the car ride back home was going to be the worst.

Evelyn said she brought her own car and that she needed to stop at a pharmacy to pick up the painkillers for Jack, despite his protests that he didn’t want any. He realized that Jeremiah was basically dragging him out of the hospital and nodded. They waited for her outside and moved away from the doors, so Jack could smoke. It was a cool night, but Jeremiah was warm.

By the time he’d finished his cigarette, Evelyn was with them. She handed a pill and a bottle of water to Jack, making sure he took it. They waited around for a few minutes, talking about the stars to give the pill some time to break down and enter Jack’s system. The moment Jeremiah noticed that Jack was standing on his own, he said it was time to go home.

The sheer agony he’d felt was now just a dull throb, which Jack found he could live with. He had no idea what he’d taken, but he really liked it. Even if it did make his vision a little fuzzy and make him want to sleep for three days. It was better than not being able to breath and he could still focus on what was happening around him. He heard Jeremiah say that he would be around tomorrow. However, he must have looked doped out of his mind, because Jeremiah said he was able to contact him and he said he was on his way back.

Fear shot through Jack. He prayed they weren’t talking about Bobby, as he didn’t want his oldest brother to see him so pathetic. At the same time, he had some choice words for the eldest Mercer boy and he wanted to say them while he was still angry about what happened to him.

“Thanks, Jerry,” Jack called as he taken over to Evelyn’s car. He collapsed onto his hip in the passenger seat and had Evelyn buckle him in.

The drive home was done in silence and when they got back, Jack was practically asleep. He woke a little more when he heard Evelyn’s door open. He unbuckled the seatbelt as she opened the door for him. He managed to get out of the car relatively painlessly, but he knew that the stairs up to his room were going to be a right bitch to get through.

As soon as Jack collapsed on his bed, he was out. Evelyn pulled his shoes off and turned off the light, keeping the door ajar. She went down to the kitchen and made a pot of coffee. Once she had a cup, she sat at the table and cried.

 

 

When Jack woke, he could hear voices from downstairs; voices he hadn’t heard for so long. The sun was shining brightly and he looked at the clock beside his bed, seeing that it was eleven in the morning. He yawned and noticed that he was dressed, with the exception of his shoes. He rolled onto his back and cried out, rolling off his bed and landing on his stomach on the floor. He’d rather have the pain from his chest and ribs over the pain from his rear.

“Jesus, Jackie-poo, you look bad,” Angel said as he stepped into the room.

Despite the obvious statement and the pain, Jack couldn’t help but grin at his older brother. He raised an eyebrow when he saw that his brother had some kind of afro happening and shook his head. “How’s the military treating a Mercer?”

Angel threw his head back and howled with laughter. “I think I scare ’em,” he said as he sat down on the floor and handed a pill and water bottle to Jack. “You gonna be able to take it like that, man?”

Jack accepted the challenge, tossing the pill into his mouth and angling the bottle. He swallowed it down and laid his head on his arm, waiting for it to kick in. “So, why d’ya think ya scare ’em?”

“How did Bobby word it? Oh, right — No Mercy. I’m almost certain they think I’m psychotic. No idea where they got that from!” Angel grinned and ruffled Jack’s hair, which faded very quickly as the next question came out. “Who did this to ya, Jack?”

Jack sighed softly and lowered his eyes. “I have no idea, Angel. The fuckers gave me roofies. I don’t even remember who I was with before I blacked out.” He swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat. He refused to cry about it. They won’t break him.

“Don’t worry, Jack. I’ll go bang on a few doors.” Angel smiled and ruffled Jack’s hair again, before he stood and helped Jack up, laying him on the bed.

Jack heard Angel leave the room. He could tell by the look in his brother’s dark eyes that Angel was going to tear up the city, looking for the person that caused his little brother a heap of pain. Once the pill kicked in, Jack stood and stumbled into the bathroom. He relieved his bladder, washed his hands and brushed his teeth. He made his way back to his bed and collapsed on it, passing out.

For the vast majority of the next week, Jack slept. The painkillers knocked him out, which worked for him. It meant he didn’t have to deal with the pain. Sometimes, they just made everything fuzzy. He could hear people walking into his room, but didn’t have the energy to open his eyes. He heard Angel in the house, running up and down the stairs every so often and Jack was certain that the first day he woke up, he heard Bobby’s voice. He hadn’t heard it since and he was almost certain he never came into the room.

On day eight, Jack was able to sit up on his own with minimal pain. He was finally able to shower without fear of drowning in it. Once he was clean, he headed downstairs with a towel around his waist. He was starving to the point that he couldn’t be bothered dressing. He went into the kitchen and grabbed a banana from the fruit bowl, turning to head to the living room. He froze and turned to the table, his eyes wide. He looked at the nine-millimeter pistol that was just sitting on the top.

Shrugging and assuming it belonged to Angel; Jack went to the living room and sat on the sofa, turning on the television as he ate the banana. He watched the show that was on, which was followed by a quick news break. There was a report of two teenage boys that were missing. Their pictures came on screen and Jack remembered seeing them at the party. There was a bit tagged on about a family home being set ablaze, while all the occupants slept. He got the feeling that Angel figured out that they were the ones who’d done the deed and made them disappear. He wasn’t too sure about the house fire, though. That seemed more like Bobby’s style.

Jack turned off the television and threw out the peel, going upstairs to change and head out for a smoke. Despite what happened to him, Evelyn still refused to let him smoke inside and the only way he could get up and down the stairs was when he was doped up. He dressed, grabbed his smokes and went out the backdoor, standing out there and lighting up. He moaned quietly and tilted his head back. It felt so good to feel all those chemicals and nicotine without being high.

He raised an eyebrow when he heard a car in the driveway. He was about to call out when he heard Angel and Bobby. They walked in through the front, talking about something that had to do with hockey. The season hadn’t even started yet, but it seemed that Bobby was itching for it to begin. Bobby told Angel to check on Jack, while he went to the kitchen and got a pot of coffee going. He noticed the gun and told Angel not to leave it lying around.

Angel came running down the stairs. “Jack’s gone, man.”

“Jack!” Bobby called and Jack heard him running towards the laundry room.

Jack crushed out his cigarette in the glass ashtray and turned around, seeing the fear slowly die from Bobby’s eyes, until they became carefully guarded to remain blank. Jack entered the house and brushed past Bobby, the previous eighteen months of pain crashing back into him. He had missed Bobby so much that it physically hurt. The worst part was that he left without a word. Now that he was back, he was guarding himself and Jack hated that.

He got to the stairs when he heard Bobby say his name. “What?” he demanded and glared down the hallway. Bobby stayed in the kitchen.

“You okay?”

“ _Fine_ ,” Jack spat with as much poison as he could muster, instead of telling Bobby to ‘fuck off,’ as he previously wanted to. He had heard Evelyn come inside and stop at the iciness surrounding Jack and the standoffish aura from Bobby.

“It’s good to see you up and about without the pills, Jackie,” Evelyn said and was utterly astonished when Jack looked at her. He completely changed the moment he wasn’t looking at Bobby, as he smiled warmly.

“It’s good to be up without them,” he said jovially and walked up the stairs to his room. He threw his laundry into a basket and placed it by the door. He grabbed the pill bottle, which had two left. He went to the bathroom and flushed the remaining pills and threw the bottle into the waste basket.

He went back to his room and started when he saw Angel in there. “Somethin’ wrong with you and Bobby?” he inquired innocently, as if had just an inkling of an idea that was something was off.

“Nope,” Jack said with a chipper smile and grabbed the basket.

“Jack,” Angel said before Jack could leave his room. “Don’t be too hard on him. He’s done more for ya than ya know.”

“I know that you and he killed my rapists. And I’m really happy about—”

“I didn’t do shit, Jack. Bobby was the one that didn’t eat or sleep for three days, huntin’ them down. I wanted to help him, but he said he’d rather not have me see what he did to them.” Angel stood up and placed a hand on Jack’s shoulder. “We love ya, man. Don’t ever forget that.”

Jack watched as Angel walked down the stairs and out the front door. He lowered his eyes for a moment, trying to think of what horrible thing Bobby could’ve done to those kids that he didn’t want Angel to see. After all, Angel had seen war. He knew for a fact that Bobby wouldn’t have raped them, as that was beneath him. The only thing he could think of was that Bobby tortured them, before he finally put a bullet in their skulls. The torture must’ve been really bad, but Jack knew he would never get the details.

With a sigh, Jack took the basket to the laundry and got the washer going. He opened the fridge and tried to find something that took his fancy. When nothing stood out to him, he grabbed another banana and went to head for the living room when he froze. Bobby and Evelyn were talking outside the backdoor. Despite everything that Evelyn taught him about not eavesdropping, Jack couldn’t help it.

“I warned you that it would happen,” Evelyn was saying. “The police didn’t even show up here, so running seemed to have been an overreach.”

“I’d rather him hate me than have that fucker alive.” Evelyn must’ve nodded, because Bobby asked, “How is he, really? Aside from…Aside from what happened.”

“He took your leaving hard, very hard. But we knew that would happen.”

Jack frowned at their words. _They_ knew it would happen? Bobby’s disappearance was planned and no one told him? If he knew that Bobby had to leave the city, he wouldn’t have acted out as much as he did. He wouldn’t have felt abandoned.

“He took to partying and drinking.”

“You didn’t stop him?” Anger was seeping into Bobby’s voice and Jack knew he was going to get the shit beaten out of him.

“I’m not you, Bobby. All I could do was make sure he came home safe at night. It broke my heart to see him drunk, stinking of sex—”

Jack jumped when there was a loud bang and a growl. He had no idea what Bobby just did, but Jack’s knuckles were aching with the force that was behind the punch. However, he wanted to know why Bobby was so angry. Surely, he did the same thing when he was Jack’s age and probably did worse, as well.

“Come inside. I’ll patch up your hand.”

Jack quickly moved away from the kitchen and sat on the sofa in the living room, turning on the TV. He kept his face neutral as he stared at the screen. When Evelyn walked by, Jack asked, “What was that bang?”

Evelyn turned to him and smiled. “Just Bobby attacking the house,” she said and went upstairs. She came back down a minute later with the first aid kit and Jack followed her into the kitchen.

Jack winced when he saw Bobby’s hand. He was surprised that his brother didn’t break his knuckles, judging by the amount of blood from the broken skin that was going down the kitchen sink. He turned off the water and grabbed a paper towel, placing that over his knuckles and went to the table. He hissed as the antiseptic cream was applied.

“Stop being a baby,” Evelyn said as she continued to rub it. “Can you move your fingers?” Bobby flexed them and nodded. Evelyn wrapped a bandage around his knuckles and then kissed it. “Try not to destroy the house.”

Jack smirked at him, glad that he received some kind of pain. He lost it the moment Evelyn stood to return the first aid kit to the bathroom. Jack turned to leave, but almost didn’t when he felt Bobby’s eyes on his back. He manned up and walked out of the kitchen, going back to the living room. On the end, curling his legs and rested against the arm of the sofa as he stared the really bad soap opera that was on.

Evelyn returned to the kitchen and they resumed their conversation in hushed tones. “Tell him,” Evelyn said a little too loudly. A chair scraped along the floor and Bobby was storming past the living room to the front door. “Bobby Mercer, don’t you run from this.”

Jack blinked and stood up, moving to the living room entrance. He saw Evelyn standing just outside of the kitchen, arms crossed over her chest, glaring at her oldest son. Bobby had his hand on the doorknob, apparently debating if he should ignore his mother’s words or not. Jack slipped his hands into the pockets of his jeans, hunching his shoulders and waiting for Bobby’s reaction.

“Tell him,” Evelyn ordered and Jack saw Bobby’s shoulders tensing.

Bobby turned his head and looked at Jack. “I’m glad you’re okay, you little fairy,” he said and opened the door, leaving the house.

Jack frowned and then looked at Evelyn, seeing the disappointment on her face. When she found Jack staring at her, she smiled and beckoned him into the kitchen for lunch. With a shrug, Jack went in and watched as she made him a sandwich. He wanted to ask about everything he’d seen and heard, but knew he didn’t want to get into trouble for eavesdropping.

“I know you listened to us, Jackie,” Evelyn said as she placed the plate on the table. Jack ducked his head, staring at his hands that were in his lap. “I also know that you must be angry and upset that Bobby and I planned for him to leave that night.”

Jack forced back tears and nodded, accepting the glass of milk that Evelyn held out to him. “Why?” he mumbled, not looking up.

“We didn’t want you to know what he’d done.” That made Jack look up, eyes curious. Evelyn sighed and sat down next to him, knowing she had to tell him the truth. “Bobby killed your father.”

Jack blinked, waiting for her to go on. When she didn’t, he raised an eyebrow. “That’s it?”

“That’s basically it. I didn’t want Bobby getting himself arrested, so he could be placed in the same prison and then spending his life in there. So, when the time came for your father’s parole hearing, I said he seemed fit enough to rejoin society. Three days after he was released, he was killed and Bobby fled. We were expecting the police to suspect him, considering he was questioned so extensively about the Harley gang shootings.”

“The law only knows me as Jack Mercer. They wouldn’t have made the connection.”

Evelyn nodded. “We know that now, but…” She exhaled shakily.

Jack frowned as he looked at her. He noticed that she had a few extra wrinkles than he remembered her having. As he thought about all the times she looked at him with disappointment, her eyes hadn’t seemed as lively, either. Having Bobby on the run took a heavy toll on her and Jack had only thought of himself. He smiled and nodded, leaning toward and hugging her tightly.

Evelyn returned the hug. “I’m sorry that I lied to you, Jackie.”

Jack pulled back and nodded; the smile still in place. “I know. He’s your oldest son and you were scared that I wouldn’t react favorably if I found out he’d killed my biological father.” He sat back and shrugged. “After what I just went through, that doesn’t really register anymore.”

“How are you feeling?”

“Good. Like, really good. I can actually feel my body and the pain is there, but not really.” Jack shrugged again and took a bite of the sandwich. He swallowed and wondered if he could get the answer he wanted. “What did you want Bobby to tell me?”

Evelyn chuckled and tapped Jack’s nose. “He told me that in confidence, Jackie. It’s up to him to tell you, if he wants to. Now, eat your lunch.” She went into the laundry room and put Jack’s clothing into the dryer, while Jack took another bite.

As she got started on dinner, Jack finished his lunch and washed his plate. He drank his milk and got another glass, going into the living room. He channel surfed for a little, before turning off the TV and heading upstairs, just as Bobby came back in. The sight of his oldest brother gave him both relief and blind rage. He didn’t care that Bobby had killed his father, but he was pissed off that he left without a word. He hadn’t even called or written a letter.

Bobby barely glanced at him as he walked down to the kitchen with a bag of groceries. Jack shook his head and headed to his room, where he turned on his radio and turned it up. He knew it pissed Bobby off when he played his music too loud, especially since Bobby didn’t appreciate his taste in music. Jack enjoyed Motown, when he was in the mood for it. Aside from that, he preferred rock, which apparently was just white noise to Bobby and he wanted it played low or not at all.

He placed his glass of milk on his desk and crawled onto it, grabbing a smoke and lighting it. Naturally, a minute later, someone knocked on his door. He knew it was Evelyn as Bobby wouldn’t have been nearly as gentle. He called out to her and she said that she was heading into work real quick, as someone there needed a hand with something. Jack closed his eyes. That would mean he and Bobby would be alone in the house, which would lead to a screaming match.

“Okay. Be safe and love you,” he called back.

Jack finished his smoke and pulled back into the room, just as Evelyn was pulling out of the driveway. He turned around on his desk, pulling a foot up and leaned back against the window. He counted back from sixty and like clockwork; Bobby was pounding on his door, telling him to turn it down. Jack ignored him and swung his leg in time with the beat.

“Jack, if I have to go in there, it won’t survive!”

Jack quickly turned down the volume, knowing that was a promise Bobby would keep. He heard Bobby go down the stairs and closed his eyes, swinging his leg again as the song changed. He grabbed his guitar from its corner and strummed the strings, tuning accordingly. He eventually turned off the radio and just played around with notes and bars.

He sighed and shook his head. Nothing seemed to be working. He drank his milk and headed down stairs. He found that Angel had finally come back home and greeted him. Angel smiled, watching whatever sport was on the tube. Jack washed out his glass and placed it on the wrack. He was about to had back to his room, when the dryer buzzed that it was finished. He checked to make sure that they were dry and pulled them into his basket.

Jack inhaled deeply and frowned when caught cigarette smoke. He looked at the backdoor and saw Bobby standing out there, a lit cigarette between his fingers. “You fucking hypocrite,” Jack muttered and glared at his brother. He opened the door, which got Bobby’s attention. “You suicidal?”

He didn’t wait for an answer. He closed the door, grabbed his basket and went up to his room. He was halfway up the stairs when he heard Bobby. “Jack.”

“What?”

“Don’t give me that attitude, you little fairy. I’m your big brother. I also happen to be legal, so I can fuckin’ smoke if I wanna. Unlike you, gettin’ drunk and fuckin’ anythin’ with a heartbeat.”

“Fuck you, Bobby,” Jack spat and went up to his room. He didn’t bother to close the door as he knew Bobby would break it down.

As he expected, Bobby followed him up, but didn’t enter the room. “You don’t get to say that to me, Jack. After everythin’ this family’s done for you, you don’t get to say that to _any_ of us!”

Jack paused in folding his laundry and glared at Bobby. “I’ve never and will never think of saying that to Mom! But you? You’re a fuckin’ hypocrite!”

“And how am I a hypocrite?”

“How old were you when you started drinking and fucking, Bobby? Fourteen, fifteen maybe? I’m nearly seventeen and I think I have a right to live _my_ fucking life the way _I_ want!”

“And what about Ma, huh? Did you stop to think ’bout her or were you too busy living in your own little world to realize that she was worryin’ herself sick about you?!”

“Like you can talk!” Jack stopped trying to fold his laundry and grabbed his smokes. He tried to leave, but found that Bobby wouldn’t move.

“I was in hiding because of what I did for _you_!”

“Something I _never_ asked you to do!” Jack shoved Bobby out of the doorway and stepped out.

“You didn’t have to, Jack! You went catatonic when you found he was comin’ up for _parole_! I doubt you’d handle him actually bein’ out and on the streets!” Bobby shook his head, as though trying to calm down, which Jack knew would never happen. Bobby’s temper always won. “I did what I had to, because unlike some, I care about what happens to our family!”

Jack spun around and punched Bobby across the jaw. Before Bobby could get over the shock, Jack tackled him and punched him again. Bobby blocked Jack’s punches and shoved him back, getting to his feet. He did the one thing that none of them would ever think to do. He punched Jack, splitting his lip. However, Jack was passed feeling fear and focused solely on his rage.

Unfortunately for Jack, Bobby had way more experience brawling than he did. Bobby was able to duck and block most of his punches. Unfortunately for Bobby, Jack was a quick learner. He soon recognized Bobby’s tells and managed to not get hit a couple of times. However, the punch to the solar plexus had Jack groaning and sinking to his knees, holding his abdomen.

As his breathing returned to normal, Jack realized that his anger had died off. All that remained was the resounding urge to cry. He wasn’t mad at Bobby for hitting him. He’d probably be pissed off if Bobby didn’t hit him, thinking he was too fragile to handle a punch from his brother. He bowed his head, refusing to get up until the tears in his eyes dried.

“Look,” Bobby started softly as he looked down at the top of Jack’s messy hair. “Be angry with _me_. Hate _me_ , but don’t shut Ma out. It wasn’t her fault and it wasn’t her idea.”

“I don’t hate you, Bobby.” Jack’s shoulders slumped and he bit his lower lip, digging his teeth into the split in the hopes it would fight back the tears. He exhaled shakily. “You said you’d always be there for me. Except the two times I needed you the most, you weren’t.”

The silence in the room was overwrought and stretched on forever. Bobby finally crouched down and forced Jack to look up, holding his jaw. Jack looked in Bobby’s eyes, seeing the regret, guilt and burning hatred at himself for what he’d done. Under all that, he saw an undying love and devotion that finally made Jack break. He pulled his head back and dropped it, unable to stop the tears. He placed his hands over his mouth, trying to keep his sobs quiet.

Bobby stood and went to the closet, surprised that the box of tissues was still in there. He retrieved it and placed it in front of Jack. He stayed close, wanting to be a comforting presence, which seemed to make Jack cry harder. Jack reached out and gripped his shirt. He didn’t pull Bobby closer or shove him away, he just held his shirt.

Angel stood at the door and watched as his little brother finally broke down and released the tears all of them knew he’d been keeping in. He glanced at Bobby, waiting to see if his big brother would tell him anything. Bobby just shook his head and Angel nodded, heading downstairs and into the kitchen. He began making hot chocolate for Jack.

Jack screamed into the hand that still covered his mouth. The pain that he’d tried to suppress was coming back with a vengeance. It hurt so much. Everything that happened to him before he arrived at the Mercers’ surged past the protective shell he’d placed around it. His grip on Bobby’s shirt tightened, before he released it and fell forward, supporting himself on trembling arms.

He’d tried to be strong for so long. He didn’t want to break. He didn’t want to remember, but the memories were there. He was already at his lowest and they were kicking him while he was down. As more seeped out, Jack couldn’t control the sobs. Between them, he was screaming in agony, letting out everything that he wanted to do while he was beaten, raped and tortured for fun.

An hour later, the sobs died off, but the tears continued to fall. Jack was finally in control enough to grab a tissue and wipe his nose. He stared at the puddle on the floor and shook his head. He was such a fairy. He raised his head when he heard Bobby say his name softly. He was expecting to see a taunting smirk, but all he saw was concern. Bobby’s eyes were dark with pain and Jack dropped his head again, a new wave of sorrow hitting.

The expression just reminded him of what he couldn’t have. While he was eternally grateful to be part of the Mercer family, he wished he’d met Bobby under different circumstances. At least then, he’d have a glimmer of hope that he could have that man. He knew it was just as insane as loving his brother beyond that, but hope was all he ever had through his life.

Eventually, Jack sighed and closed his eyes. He felt completely drained, but feeling a little better. He had no idea how much stress he carried keeping everything in like that. He finally understood why Bobby told him to release some of it. Jack never thought he’d release everything that he’d kept bottled up, but he couldn’t argue the fact he felt better. He felt like he was able to put everything behind him and move on with his life.

Jack opened his eyes when he felt a heavy hand on his neck, gently stroking the skin. “I’m not a dog, Bobby,” he said as he grabbed another tissue and blew his nose. He grabbed another and wiped his eyes, straightening his back and wincing. It was an unnatural position to keep for so long.

“No, but you’re most definitely a fairy.” Jack rolled his eyes, but he couldn’t stop the smile from appearing. “How’re ya feelin’?”

Jack slowly got to his feet, as the blood circulation started flowing again. He sat on his bed and then fell to the side. “Like I wanna sleep for the next thirty-six hours.”

“I kept tellin’ ya to release the pressure, man.” Bobby stood up and looked out the door. “D’ya think you could handle some of Angel’s hot chocolate?”

Jack stared up at Bobby. “Angel knows how to make hot chocolate?”

“Yep. Thick and creamy, probably just how you like it.” Bobby smirked as Jack sat up.

“Leave it alone, man. I can’t feel my feet at the moment…or my knees…and my head is _killing_ me.” Jack curled his toes, ignoring the pounding in his head from his extended crying period. However, he did want to try Angel’s hot chocolate, mostly because he was curious.

“You should probably eat somethin’, too.”

Jack sniffed and nodded. He picked up the used tissues and headed down slowly, not wanting to lose his footing on the stairs. He threw out the tissues and found a mug of hot chocolate waiting for him. He picked it up and found that it wasn’t so much ‘hot chocolate’ as much as ‘room-temperature chocolate.’ He didn’t care, though. He sipped it and Bobby wasn’t lying. It was thick and creamy. He drank it down and went into the dining room, smiling at Evelyn.

Her eyes widened when she saw that Jack had the telltale signs of a physical fight. “Bobby,” she said, turning her head to him. “Care to explain?”

Bobby glanced at Jack, as though debating if he should mention their fight. However, they all knew that their mother would know he would be lying if he said he didn’t touch him. Finally, he shrugged. “What? Someone had to beat some sense into him.”

oOo

Since his crying session, Jack finally found a luster for life again. He assumed that Bobby hanging around had something to do with it, too. A couple of weeks later and Angel’s leave was up. Jack had hugged him tightly, praying that he would return to them. He and Evelyn watched as he got into a cab and waved at them, before he was gone again.

The pain was completely gone and with his check up, the doctor said that everything had healed nicely. He had questioned Jack if he remembered anything about that night and Jack still hadn’t. It was annoying him, but since he knew that Bobby had taken care of the problem, he wasn’t that interested in learning more.

Bobby came out of the house with a duffle bag slung over his shoulder. He said he was going out for a couple of hours, but he’d be back in time for dinner. Jack watched as he backed out, wrapping his arms around himself and lowering his eyes when he was gone. He looked up when Evelyn placed her hand on his shoulder and asked if wanted to help her with some baking. His eyes lighting up, Jack nodded and followed her back into the house.

They spent the day making cupcakes, as Evelyn wanted to take something to a refuge. Knowing where they were going, Jack was extra careful with his piping. He made sure the butter cream was the correct consistency and that it was piped onto each small cake perfectly. He tapped sprinkles from their container and moved onto the next cake, almost going on autopilot.

“Jackie?” Evelyn asked quietly as she turned away from the sink, drying her hands. Jack finished the icing on the cupcake in front of him and looked up. “Do you feel something for Bobby that might be more than brotherly love?”

Jack stared at her with wide eyes, squeezing on the piping bag. He didn’t think he’d been _that_ obvious. He didn’t sneak glances at him when he thought no one else was looking. He didn’t try to hang back, so he could be alone with him. He made sure he didn’t do that, because he didn’t want anyone knowing what he truly felt for the oldest Mercer boy.

He could feel tears running down his cheeks, waiting for Evelyn to tell him that he wasn’t welcomed in her house anymore. She took a step towards him, which made him back away. He tripped over a chair he forgot was there and fell to the ground heavily. The last of the icing in the piping bag shot across the floor, along with the star nozzle that was attached to it.

“I’m s-sorry! I…I really d-didn’t m-mean t-to!” he said from his position on the floor.

“Jackie—”

Before she could say anything else, Jack stood up and ran out of the house. He ran to the closest park and hung back, away from the people. He knew he was still crying and he didn’t want anyone questioning him about it. The last thing he needed was someone teasing him because of it. He really didn’t want to be arrested for beating someone to death, in a park of all places.

While he was alone, Jack thought about what Evelyn said. She hadn’t sounded disgusted or concerned about Jack’s affection for his brother running a little too deep. She simply sounded curious. In a blind panic, Jack hadn’t noticed that. He wasn’t sure if he could ever face her again. He was still trying to pinpoint what it was that tipped her off to his feelings. Bobby had a strong bond with all of his brothers. Angel and Jeremiah loved him, as well. They might not agree with him or even like him at times, but they loved him wholeheartedly.

Jack looked up and frowned as rain fell into his eyes. He hadn’t even noticed the storm clouds before. When he looked around the park, he found it deserted. He sighed and sat on a now vacant bench and watched as water pooled on the metal. He pushed it around with his finger, still thinking about his behavior and actions around Bobby.

Sure, he looked up to him, but didn’t Angel and Jeremiah at some stage? Yeah, he’d die for him, but wouldn’t Angel and Jeremiah? Of course, there were times that he wanted to kill Bobby for taking a joke too far, but hadn’t Angel and Jeremiah threatened him before? Honestly, he did feel the most security around Bobby, but didn’t Angel and Jeremiah also feel that?

Before he could decide to run home, pack his bags and leave before he was kicked out, the rain stopped falling on him. Jack looked up and saw Evelyn standing beside him with an umbrella over him. She smiled warmly and Jack looked away. Perhaps he had completely overreacted. That was always an option when it came to him, he was coming to realize.

He looked back at her when something butted against his shoulder. He frowned and looked up again when she held out a packet of cigarettes and a lighter to him. Jack sighed and took them from her, unwrapping the smokes and lighting up almost immediately. He inhaled shakily and went back to staring at the water pooling on the table. Evelyn sat beside him and remained quiet.

Eventually, Jack looked at her. “H-How d-did y-you know?”

“I know my boys,” Evelyn answered and Jack frowned. “You’re also the easiest to read, Jackie. You never hide what you’re feeling. If you’re scared, it’s written all over your face. If you’re happy, you’re practically jumping up and down. When you’re in love, you reveal everything you wanted to keep hidden.”

Jack turned his attention back to the pooling water. He figured she was talking about his mini breakdown a week or so ago. In his defense, Bobby had forced that out of him and he had been raped only a week before that. His emotions were everywhere a little bit. He also discovered that Bobby had abandoned him, because he killed his father and possibly tortured his rapists. He didn’t know if he should punch Bobby or throw a fucking parade in his honor.

“I also noticed how much it hurt you when you realized Bobby had disappeared. I know that you were getting into trouble, so I would be forced to call Bobby and have him smack some sense into you.” Evelyn watched as Jack finished his cigarette and lit another one. He was still deathly scared that he was going to be kicked out of the house. “You also had the telltale signs of looking at him and just smiling.”

Jack nervously picked at his nails, before drawing in from the cigarette. “I am s-sorry. I t-tried t-to s-stop it. B-But it d-didn’t.”

“Jackie,” Evelyn said as she placed a hand on his shoulder, pulling back when he flinched. “You’re still my son and I still love you dearly.” She relaxed slightly when Jack looked at her. “With what you boys have been through, you truly deserve happiness. And I really am glad that you learned that you could love another so deeply that it hurts when they’re away from you, after what you went through.”

Jack lowered his eyes, finishing the smoke and dabbing it out in one of the pools. He exhaled and braced himself for the answer to his next question. “Y-You h-haven’t s-said h-how y-you feel about it.”

“It’s a pride and joy to me, Jackie. I believe this world needs more love in it, regardless of gender. And just remember, you aren’t related by blood and if gay marriage is ever legalized here, neither of you would need to change your last names.”

Jack smiled and glanced at her, before shaking his head. He finally felt the fear die off. “I think someone in Records would see a familial tie with us.”

“The point still stands, Jackie. The only thing I have ever wanted from you is for you to be happy.” Jack smiled and went to hug her, but remember he was soaked. She hugged him anyway. “Now, I’ve been meaning to ask about the study hall being burned last year…”

 

 

Jack pouted as he lied on his bed, staring at the ceiling. Upon hearing the truth about him burning the study hall, Evelyn had punished him and taken his guitars from him for three weeks. Summer vacation suddenly got very boring. Bobby was out most of the days and usually didn’t come until late, when Jack was already asleep. Every day, he left with his duffle bag and Jack wanted to ask him about it.

With a sigh, Jack rolled onto his side and stared at the clock. It was reading six past midnight. He still had a month of summer break left and he was slowly going insane. With another sigh, Jack rolled onto his other side and stared at the wall. Groaning, he sat up and threw back the covers. He pulled on a pair of jeans and headed downstairs. He turned on the TV and turned down the volume, not wanting to wake Evelyn.

He watched some history show about something that happened in Australia. He frowned at the last words ever spoken by whomever the show as about. He sat up, committing the words to memory. He was going to get that tattooed on him, if it was the last thing he ever did. Somehow, it made sense in his mind that it would match up with Bobby’s ‘No Mercy’ tattoo.

As the show ended, Jack was considering going back to bed to attempt sleep again, when the front door opened. Bobby entered and quietly dumped his duffle bag in the front hall. He saw the light of TV and entered the room, flopping on the sofa beside Jack.

Bobby stretched a hand out, placing it on Jack’s neck, massaging it gently. “You shouldn’t be up, sweetheart.” Jack lowered his head slightly. “Why are you still up?”

Jack glanced at Bobby. The older Mercer had his eyes on the TV and Jack saw how tired he looked. “I was…I couldn’t sleep, so I thought I’d wait for you. I don’t get to see you that much these days.” He shrugged. “It’s kinda lonely here, without someone else in the house.”

“I understand that,” Bobby muttered and removed his hand. He stood up and stretched, wandering into the kitchen. He returned a minute later with a beer in one hand and a glass of milk in the other. “Drink your milk and go to bed.”

Jack took the glass and looked down at it. He tried not to flinch when he saw that Bobby had opted to sit in an armchair. He wanted to tell Bobby that it had hurt when he left. He wanted Bobby to know that the pain was unbearable and that he felt like he was being punished. However, if said that, it would bring up the question of _why_ Jack felt that way and Jack wasn’t ready to have his heart broken.

“Where do you go every day?”

Bobby’s head snapped to him and he frowned. “No one’s told ya?” Jack shook his head, unsure of what he was meant to have been told. He was hoping and praying that Bobby wouldn’t be leaving for good. “I’m a hockey player now, Jackie! I’m in training for this season.”

Jack’s eyes widened and his mouth fell open. “Holy shit, Bobby! That’s…That’s awesome!”

“I’ll be spending a little more time at home, as well.” Bobby studied Jack’s face, noting the uncertainty that entered his baby blues. “And I ain’t gonna lie, I’m probably gonna come home drunk…a lot.”

Jack nodded slowly. He truly was happy for Bobby. Getting onto a hockey team was his dream and it finally came true. As Jack stared back at him without seeing him, he wondered if his dream would come true, as well. Would he finally be able to have Bobby in every way legal? He blinked when he felt warm breath on his lips and he focused on Bobby’s eyes that were startling close. He sat back and glared when Bobby smirked.

“You gotta be a little more secure in yourself, ya little fairy,” Bobby said as he polished off the beer and took the bottle through to the kitchen. “Finish your milk and go to bed, Jack.”

Nodding, despite Bobby not seeing it, Jack sipped the milk. He placed the glass on the table and stood up, going to the foot of the stairs. “B-Bobby,” he said when his older brother was about halfway up. He mentally cursed himself for that damn stutter that seemed to come out when he was nervous and scared, more than angry or excited.

“What’s wrong, Jack?” Bobby whispered as he turned to Jack, frowning when he walked up the stairs. He’d heard the stutter, but he couldn’t think of anything that would scare him or make him nervous.

Jack stood on the step before Bobby’s and hugged him quickly. He pulled back and smiled. “Congrats, man.”

Bobby chuckled, placing his hand on the nape of Jack’s neck and pressing their foreheads together. “Thanks, Cracker Jack. Now, finish your milk and go to bed.” He turned Jack around and very gently pushed him towards the bottom of the stairs.

Jack went back to the living room and sat down. He finished his milk while he watched another show, this one about World War II. Before he knew it, someone was shaking his shoulder and he woke up, looking around bleary eyed and trying to figure out where he was. He recognized the living room, but he didn’t remember falling asleep. He stared up at Bobby and yawned, before he fell to the side and was asleep again.

Bobby looked down at Jack and raised an eyebrow. That kid really didn’t feel like listening at times. He sighed and turned off the TV, picking him up. He was surprised when Jack clung to him like a child would, legs around his waist and arms around his shoulders. He quite enjoyed the closeness, but his main objective was to get Jack to his bed and then kick his ass the following day for not doing as he was told.

For some reason, _all_ of his little brothers failed to realize that big brother _always_ knew best.

oOo

There was a week left of summer break and Jack didn’t want to go back to school. True to his word, Bobby had arrived back home drunk several times a week. He often crashed on the sofa, but if Jack was still awake, he would allow Bobby to take his bed, while he slept on the sofa. Evelyn had asked Bobby if he wanted to stay in Angel’s room, while he was away and Bobby shrugged and agreed. Upon hearing that, Jack just looked down at his waffles.

He liked it when Bobby slept in his bed. He could smell his big brother on the sheets and pillow the next night, which made sleeping so much easier. It also made certain dreams feel a lot more real. While he loved that, he hated the fact that he had to wash his bedding and then get Bobby’s drunk ass up the stairs and into his bed. The first time he’d done it, Bobby had simply muttered, ‘Such a helpful little fairy.’

Unfortunately, that week was when everything changed for Jack. As much as he wanted things to stay the same, a drunk Bobby rarely made good choices – just ask Jeremiah’s treehouse. This time, he did more than just destroy someone’s hard work, he broke his little brother’s heart without realizing it. Or maybe he did, Jack didn’t hang around to ask questions.

The night started out how it usually did. Jack was trying not to scratch at his new tattoo, which was strung between his hips. After midnight, Bobby came home drunk and _giggly_. Jack got up to see what was going on, praying that Bobby wasn’t high. He froze when he heard another a voice outside the front door – female. He turned off the TV a few seconds before the front door was opened. Bobby was telling his companion for the night to keep it down, as his mother and little brother were probably asleep.

 _Little brother_ , Jack thought and lowered his eyes as Bobby and his date walked up the stairs. Jack remembered fighting back tears as he heard them go to Angel’s room and the door close with a gentle _click_. It wasn’t long after that that Jack heard gasps and soft moans from the woman. Bobby was surprisingly quiet during the entire act and he heard the bed creaking with the power of their movements.

Jack sat on the sofa, staring at the blank screen of the TV, numb to everything around him. He remained in the same position as the woman squealed in pleasure and the creaking stopped. He remained in the same position, even as the sun came up and the woman began her walk of shame. She froze when she saw the shell-shocked kid sitting on the living room sofa, staring at nothing.

“Hey, Connie,” Bobby whispered as leaned over the banister, catching a glimpse of legs in the living room.

“What kind of home did you say this was?” the woman asked, cocking an eyebrow as Jack had yet to acknowledge anyone. “Do you take care of mentally challenged kids or something?”

Bobby handed the woman her bra, wondering how in the hell she could’ve forgotten it. “Shut up and get the fuck the out.” He shoved her towards the front door, which he unlocked and then almost literally threw her outside, before going to the living room. “Jack?” he called softly and didn’t get a response.

The last time Bobby saw Jack in a state where he didn’t respond was because his father was coming up for parole. He couldn’t think of anything like that happening, especially since Ma would’ve called him at the rink and told him to come straight home after practice.

Bobby crouched down in front of Jack and gazed into his unblinking eyes. “Jack,” he said again, placing a hand on Jack’s knee.

Jack jolted and blinked, looking at his brother. “Oh, Bobby. When did you get here?” he asked and pushed Bobby’s hand off his knee.

“I got home just after midnight. How long were you sittin’ here for, Jackie?”

“What time is it now?” When he was told it just past six, Jack shrugged. “Probably six hours, then.”

Bobby frowned and then glanced over his shoulder when he heard Evelyn coming down the stairs. “Jack, is everythin’ okay? You look pale, man.”

Jack looked over at Evelyn and smiled, standing up and ignoring Bobby. “Morning, Mom. I’ll get the coffee going,” he said and went to the kitchen.

When Jack was in the kitchen, Evelyn glared at Bobby. “What on earth happened?” she demanded in a low whisper. Bobby honestly had no idea. He woke up to find Jack like that. “I’m going to get ready for the day. I suggest you apologize to him for whatever you did and _pray_ he forgives you.”

Bobby had no idea what Ma was talking about. He hadn’t done anything that could hurt Jack that much. He didn’t think that it could be him having a girl over, as Angel had had Sofi over dozens of times. He went into the kitchen and found Jack staring at the cabinets in front of him. He wasn’t twitching or swaying. He was standing as still as a statue carved in marble.

“Jackie, what’s wrong?” Bobby didn’t get a response. He placed a hand on Jack’s shoulder and got the exact same reaction as in the living room. Jack blinked and asked when he got there, before removing the limb that was touching him. Bobby was getting scared now. “Jack, what the fuck happened? Did…Did someone hurt you last night?”

Jack went back to staring at the cabinet, everything dead except the sensation that his heart was shattering repeatedly. He turned his head when Evelyn entered the kitchen and smiled at her, grabbing her mug and pouring coffee into it. He added cream and sugar, just the way she liked it. He placed it on the table and returned to his previous spot, staring at the cabinet.

“Jackie?” she called softly and Jack blinked, turning his head to look at her over his shoulder. “Is everything okay, sunshine?”

“Of course, Mom,” he replied, cogently cheerful. “Everything is…amazing!” He forced a happy smile onto his face and then went back to staring at the cabinet.

Evelyn raised an eyebrow. If that was the game that Jack was going to play, then so be it. “In that case, would you mind telling me what made you decide the cabinet is worth staring at?” she inquired, still in a soft voice.

“Nothing happened,” Jack said with the same fake cheerful tone. “I just find this cabinet very interesting.”

Bobby grabbed a cup of coffee. He met his mother’s eyes, still unsure of what happened. “Jack, I’m sorry.” He was ignored and his eyes widened, looking Evelyn.

Before she could say anything, Jack whispered, “I know. You always are.”

Evelyn narrowed her eyes slightly. She already knew that it was something Bobby had done, but that just sealed it. The problem was getting Jack to admit it to Bobby, before he had to leave for practice. “Jackie, did someone hurt you?” she inquired and stood beside him, placing a hand on his shoulder. Jack’s eyes crinkled with pain for a second, before he nodded. “Is that person in the room?” The same reaction, unable to lie to his mother. “Did I do something to hurt you?”

Jack turned to her, staring at her with the same wide, blank eyes that he was staring at the cabinet with. “Of course not, Mom!” He gave her a dead smile, before looking around. “I think I’m tired,” he said and collapsed, caught easily by Bobby.

“What on earth did you do, Robert Mercer?” Evelyn demanded as Bobby carried Jack up the stairs to his room.

When he returned to the kitchen, he looked just as confused as Evelyn. “I don’t know! I woke up, went to give some cheap floozy her bra, so she didn’t have an excuse to come back and that’s when I saw Jack.”

“You brought some _conquest_ home?” Evelyn closed her eyes and counted to ten, very slowly. She was not going to lose her temper. “Why would you do that, Bobby?”

“A man gets lonely, Ma. There’s only so much fun he can have with his hand, before it becomes tired, trite and predictable. Do you have any idea how long it takes before jerkin’ off becomes borin’? Quite a while, actually.” Bobby shook his head slightly. “I needed a change and she said we couldn’t go back to her place.”

“You should’ve spoken to me first, Bobby. I could have made sure that Jack went to sleep, so he wouldn’t see you waltzing in here with some…some… _whore_!”

Bobby’s eyes widened and he stepped back from Evelyn. The only time she used words like that was when she was pissed off. “I didn’t know it would affect him like that! Not telling him his background is a sure way for me to fuck up and hurt him!” He winced as he realized he was yelling at his mother. “I’m sorry, Ma.”

“As you should be.” Evelyn glared in warning, but sighed and sat down. “You’re right, though. You did need to know his background and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. Why would you bring some stranger into the house, during summer vacation when you _know_ he stays up and waits for you?”

“Ma, I was drunk and I was horny. If they weren’t eatin’ the rump roast, I probably woulda stuck my dick in that and had my way with it.”

Evelyn closed her eyes, fighting off a smile. Bobby wasn’t good with expressing himself, but he certainly had a way with words. She opened her eyes and saw the regret in her son’s eyes. “I love you, Bobby. But as bright as you are, you just don’t like to think!”

“Ma, I’ll try to make it better after practice. I gotta go.” Bobby downed his coffee and kissed Evelyn on the cheek, running out of the house after grabbing his duffle bag.

oOo

Bobby was true to his word. Every day, after practice, he would try to talk to Jack. Unfortunately, Jack was completely shut off to him. The only time he even acknowledged Bobby’s presence was when he said, “You know I love ya, right?’ Jack would glance at him and Evelyn could see the heartbreak playing over his expressive face every time. Bobby was oblivious to it. Both were completely oblivious to the pain the other was going through, thinking only of being civil for her sake.

So, it came as no surprise to Evelyn when on the first day of school, Jack declined a ride there as he came down the stairs with his backpack and his guitar. When he noticed her looking at it, he said he would need for the band he was going to join in school. She had simply smiled and nodded, trying her hardest to keep her tears back as he stepped over to her and hugged her, kissing her cheek.

“I love you, Mom.”

“I love you, too, Jackie,” she said, her voice breaking. Jack stared at her, confusion playing through his eyes at how she knew. He already forgot that she knows her sons and they could never keep anything from her. “Don’t forget your toothbrush, Jackie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for readin'! Hope ya enjoyed it. Seeing as the next chapter won't be out for a little, due to the holidays, I hope y'all have a great Christmas/Holidays and a safe and happy New Year!  
> Thanks to MerryPink and the two guests that left kudos!  
> Until the next one!  
> Peace.
> 
> Auska.


	5. Chapter V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just lettin' y'all know that this chapter and the next will be shorter than usual. I hope y'all enjoy it!  
> Until the next one!  
> Peace.
> 
> Auska.

**~Shadow of Blue~**

**By:** Aerys Krystie.

 

oOo

 

**Five years later…**

Jack had left Detroit, somehow finding his way to New York and getting recruited into a band. Focusing only on his music, Jack had managed to hone his talents on the guitar. He enjoyed being in the band, as they became his family away from family. They laughed, cried and partied together. They shared nearly everything and bared their souls on countless occasions. Still, Jack could tell no one why he wouldn’t discuss his first love.

They played in small venues, slowly gaining a reputation to play to a bigger audience. However, despite the lack of gigs they had, the band still managed to make money through less than legal means. Jack found that the life of crime suited him, but he also knew that he needed to hide the money from the government. He only had so many opportunities to work from a secure line and he watched as the numbers in his Cayman and Zurich accounts got bigger each month. He got the feeling that his brothers would be proud of him.

Despite speaking so highly of the Mercers, the first time Jack and the band saw one, they were curious on Jack’s reaction. He had simply run off to the bathroom and locked himself in there for nine hours. That was a year after he left. He remembered that day so vividly. They had been sitting around the apartment that Jack shared with two other members, flipping through the channels when suddenly they all heard a name that was familiar.

Mercer.

Ethan Quinn, drummer for the band had laughed and joked about it being one of Jack’s relatives. Needless to say, the moment he saw the white and red jersey swinging at the opposing team, Jack knew who it was. The moment the commentator said ‘Bobby Mercer,’ the band knew who it was. They all got a good shot of Bobby’s handsome face, grinning insanely as he was led off the ice to the cheering of the crowd. ‘And that’s why he’s the Michigan Mauler.’ Jack had run to the bathroom at that point. Seeing Bobby’s face reminded him why he loved that insane prick so much.

Bobby had been the reason why Jack even bothered looking at hockey. Bobby loved the game so much and Jack truly was happy that Bobby was able to play on a professional level, even if it was only because he dealt out a decent punch. Once he moved away from home, Jack’s love of hockey hung around a little, but it just reminded him of Bobby, so he pushed it to the side. He ignored it, as he did with everything else that reminded him of Bobby.

Ethan used the same Old Spice deodorant as Bobby, which had been a constant reminder until Jack had begged him to change it. Ethan demanded to know why he should change something that gets him bed partners and Jack finally lied and said it was the same scent an abusive ex used. In order to convince, Jack hesitantly showed him the scars on his body. Ethan’s face had become a mask of pure rage and he demanded to know who the prick was so he could do him the favor of relieving him of his life. Jack just smiled and said that Bobby beat him to it, which got Ethan curious.

From the stories Jack told his band about the Mercers’, all of them wanted to meet his brothers. They wanted to know if the stories were true and knowing that his big brother was a hockey player just made him all the more intriguing. Jack could remember the way the confusion played over their faces as he told them Jeremiah was a union worker, Bobby was a hockey player and Angel was a marine. The stories he told them about what the Mercer boys had done didn’t seem to match their current professions. Jack honestly didn’t understand. He thought that all those professions matched them perfectly.

Angel enjoyed adventuring, so joining the military would give him that opportunity. Bobby was violent and hockey _glorified_ blood on the ice. Jeremiah was a thinking man and stuck firm to his beliefs. However, Ethan quickly noticed that Jack spoke more about Angel and Jeremiah than Bobby, as though he was avoiding the topic of Bobby. Jack didn’t trust any of them enough to tell them that he was madly in love with his brother and had left to get over it.

Even in a new city and a new State, there were still things that reminded him painfully of Bobby. Sometimes, it was simple things like a smell of Old Spice. Other times, it was a little more difficult, but it might be a similar stance or strut. Everywhere he turned, it seemed there was something that reminded him of Bobby and he was starting to go a little insane over it.

It seemed that the more he tried to fight it, the stronger it became. Even his music seemed to involve Bobby, somehow. When playing a gig, he would look out over the crowd as he sang back up and think he saw him in the shadows. Of course, it was never him. It was the way the light bounced off of someone’s leather jacket or the way they stood, feet shoulder width apart so they could be ready to attack in any direction. Either way, every time he thought he saw Bobby in the crowd, he fought desperately to keep his voice on key. Then he would get blind drunk and pass out for the night, trying to forget about Bobby Mercer.

It never worked that way. He would always wake up to an empty bed, a few hours after passing out. He practically lived off coffee, still refusing to hit the hard drugs. He wasn’t going to lie; he was ever so tempted to hit cocaine. His band mates enjoyed snorting the powder every now and again, but they knew that he wasn’t interested and respected his choice. It usually gave him a good chuckle as he watched some of the stupid shit they did while high. Jack would just drink, until he could barely walk and somehow make it to his bed every night, only to wake up and repeat it.

One day, he woke up and his bed wasn’t empty. There wasn’t anyone lying in it with him, but Ethan was sitting on the side, staring down at the carpet of the room. Jack had woken in a panic, trying to figure out who was in his room and why they were. Ethan had never entered Jack’s room before without permission, so he wanted to know why Ethan would come in while he was asleep. They all knew that Jack had slight trust issues.

“Why won’t you talk about Bobby, aside from him killing your ex?” Ethan asked quietly and Jack tried not to groan. He’d literally just woken up and Ethan was slamming him with a question like that?

“Look, man,” Jack said as he sat up and ran his hands through his oily hair. He grimaced. “Lemme have a shit, shower and shave. Have a cup of coffee waitin’ for me and then we’ll talk.”

Ethan didn’t raise his eyes, but nodded and left the room to make the coffee. Jack closed his eyes, wanting to all asleep again and hope it was all a dream. However, he knew he wasn’t that lucky. He got out of bed and grabbed his towel, heading into the bathroom. He took care of business and walked back to his room with the towel around his hips, showing off the last tattoo he got before he left Detroit.

Every time he saw it, he often wondered what Bobby would think. He kept trying to stop his mind from constantly going back to what Bobby would think or what Bobby would say. He often wore his jeans lower than usual without underwear, just to show it off while performing, on the off chance that Bobby might be at the show. So he could see it and know that Jack had the same attitude towards life as him.

He stopped in the small kitchen and grabbed the coffee that Ethan had prepared. It took him years, but he finally learned to make it the way Jack liked it; cream and sugar. He sat down on the breakfast stool, yawning before he took a mouthful of the coffee. He could feel Ethan staring at him, practically demanding answers. He was surprised that it took Ethan five years to finally pluck up the courage to demand answers from him.

“So, why won’t you talk about Bobby? Did he hurt you? Is that why you left, man?”

Jack glared at Ethan, unable to believe he’d even think of asking that. “They _never_ raised a hand to me,” he hissed and Ethan stepped back, seeing a spark of that Mercer temper that they were famous for. “Except when I hit them first or I needed some sense beaten into me. But they never did for fun.”

“Sorry. You can’t be too careful. Back to Bobby.”

Jack lowered his eyes, staring at the light brown liquid in his mug. “Bobby…” he muttered and felt tears stinging his eyes. He knew that Ethan had seen them. “Bobby…” he repeated and this time, he smiled, real and true. That kind of smile was rare for him. “Bobby is—” He broke off as the phone rang and rose to get it.

“Let the machine take this one, man,” Ethan said and Jack raised an eyebrow. Ethan rarely let the machine take the calls, considering it was usually best to make a good first impression with a potential employer.

Jack shrugged and nodded, taking another mouthful of coffee. “Bobby is—” He broke off again as the machine beeped and then heard a voice he never thought he’d hear again.

“Jackie, its Jerry. If you’re there, please pick up. There’s been—”

Jack was at the phone in a flash, picking it up. “Jerry! What’s wrong?” And as the words came out of Jerry’s mouth, Jack became still. He dropped his mug and the phone, staring off into space. He wasn’t even aware of Ethan shaking him, trying to get him to tell him what happened. Everything was white noise to him, until it all seemed to scratch off. He looked at Ethan. “I have to go home.”

Without another word, Jack ran to the bedroom and dressed. He shoved the rest of his clothing into his ratty backpack and ran out. He was stopped by Ethan at the door, demanding to know what was going on. Jack punched him and stepped over his body, leaving the apartment. He ran down the hallway and didn’t bother to wait for the elevator. He jumped down the flights of stairs and hailed a cab. He had three days to get back to Michigan, but he certainly didn’t have the money for a plane ticket.

At the bus terminal, he pushed his way to the front of the line and demanded a ticket back to Michigan. He paid and snatched the ticket from the woman’s hand, checking the time and seeing that he had to wait an hour for the bus to leave. He kept telling himself that Jeremiah was yanking his leg and that it was some kind of twisted way to get them back home for the holidays.

On the way back home, Jack refused to think of the memories that were trying to come back. If it was true, he didn’t want to think about it; he _couldn’t_ think about it. It seemed impossible. There had to be a catch somewhere, but in the back of his mind, he knew that it _had_ happened and he ran his hands through his hair, resting them on the nape of his neck, attempting to give himself the same comfort that Bobby gave him.

The trip seemed to take forever. Jack was certain that more than three days had passed, but he managed to get there the day of the funeral. He’d called Jeremiah from a payphone and he said he’d been soon. Jack didn’t care that he smelled like shit or that he hadn’t slept or eaten. He couldn’t sit down and kept pacing. The last time he saw Jeremiah, he was driving a sedan. He frowned when Jeremiah got out of an SUV. Despite the circumstances, Jeremiah and Jack hugged; glad to see one another after so long.

Jack attended the funeral in clothing he’d basically lived in for the last three days. Jeremiah got him to spray something on himself so he wouldn’t make the occasion worse. Jack did so as they got to the cemetery. He’d hugged Bobby and pulled away almost immediately. He was certain that he got up and made a speech, but for the life of him, he couldn’t remember what he said. He just remembered getting up there and then being pulled back and sitting down, staring at the coffin as it was lowered. He remembered trembling and the tears rolling down his cheeks, because they refused to dry up.

After the funeral, they arrived at Jeremiah’s house and Jack excused himself, going across the street to smoke and calm his nerves. He couldn’t deal with Mom’s death _and_ Bobby. He knew he had to try and be strong. He also knew he was going to fail. He flinched slightly when a hand landed on him from nowhere, but it rested on the nape of his neck and he got that sense of security.

“You okay?”

Barely glancing at him, Jack nodded and sniffing. “Yeah.”

“You sure?” Bobby got the same reaction and stroked Jack’s hair. “You know I love ya, right?”

Jack stared at him, searching his eyes for a moment and then forced a tight smile and nodded. Bobby took him back to the house and he couldn’t help but smile on the inside when Jeremiah brought up his tree house. He put his smoke out when Jeremiah told him that smoking wasn’t allowed in the house and went inside. He accepted the hug from Camille and went into the backyard with Bobby, seeing Daniela and Amelia for the first time. He couldn’t believe what adorable little girls they were.

Once Bobby made the Cracker Jack joke, Jack knew exactly how it was going to play out. Bobby was going to pretend that nothing had changed, which just made the day even more painful. However, a wake wasn’t the time or place to start drama, so he simply fell in the same routine, telling Bobby not to teach them that. He wouldn’t mind having a little respect from at least one Mercer, since the only one that ever respected him was dead.

He kept back as Green decided to attend the wake. He gave him an awkward hug and instantly stood by Bobby’s side again. He felt a spark of worry when Bobby said, “I didn’t come back for no funeral.” He knew that they were going to be tearing up the town and honestly, he was grateful. It was a much needed distraction from all the bullshit that surrounded him. It would be a better way to spend his time back home than sulking around the house and wallowing in bittersweet memories.

Jack kept his eyes on the back of Jeremiah’s car as they pulled up to the house. He couldn’t believe it. Even from his peripheral, he could tell that nothing had changed. Bobby parked the car and sighed. “We’re home, Jack.”

With a nod, Jack opened the door and pulled his backpack from the backseat. He hung back a little, just to stare at the house that had meant so much to him. It was the one constant in his life. He inhaled deeply. “So, shit, Bobby. What are you up to these days?” he asked, just for the sake to say something and get his mind off what was going on. He rolled his eyes at Bobby’s reply.

“What about you? Still sucking a little cock left and right?”

“Fucker.”

“Y’all ain’t right, leavin’ me out here in the cold.”

“Yo, little brother, you _asshole_ ,” Bobby greeted and hugged Angel hard.

“I missed my plane,” Angel said as he picked up his bag.

“Yeah? You missed our mother’s funeral, too, jarhead.”

As good natured shit-talking was thrown around, Jeremiah unlocked the door and they filed into the foyer. The silence that fell over them made it clear that they were all thinking the same thing. Jack lowered his eyes and glanced at Bobby, which seemed to snap him out of his trance. He told Jack to take his old room, the same with Angel, while he would take Mom’s.

Jack hung back as Angel went through to the kitchen, while Jeremiah went into the living room. Jack didn’t want to go up there. He didn’t know what to expect and he knew that he wouldn’t be able to keep his emotions under control, but he eventually sighed and walked up the stairs, remembering where to step to avoid the creaks. In fact, even Bobby had walked up the stairs, avoiding the creaks.

With a shaking hand, Jack opened his bedroom door and flipped on the overhead light and felt the lump in his throat getting bigger. She didn’t change anything. It was all the same, even down to the packet of smokes that Jack forgot to grab before he walked out the door. That cheap toy he got from his first lunch with Jeremiah was still on his bedside chest, as was The Cat in the Hat. He dropped his backpack on the bed and picked up the book, memories flooding him.

Swallowing thickly, he put the book down and got on his knees, looking under the bed. He could see the sparkle of the glitter that was still under there and refusing to move. He grinned and shook his head. That shit was basically in the grain of the wood. He opened the closet door and ducked his head to step into it, wondering how the hell he used to fit in there.

He left the closet and turned his eyes to his favorite corner, feeling the need to sit in it. He wasn’t a scared kid, anymore. He was a heartbroken man. He could hear Bobby moving around in Mom’s room, so he kicked off his shoes, grabbed the guitar and sat on his bed. He stared into space, while he plucked on the strings and Angel put on a song, which really didn’t help any of them in feeling better.

Jack blinked as Bobby appeared in his doorway, but he knew that Bobby would need some kind of comfort, considering he’d been with Mom the longest. “You been cryin’ in here, ya little fairy?” Bobby asked as he sat down beside Jack’s bed, which made Jack smirk slightly.

“Leave it alone, man,” he muttered and moved the guitar to the side and began rolling a smoke.

“You still makin’ a lot of racket on that freakin’ thing?”

“Yeah, still makin’ a lot of racket on it.” Jack paused a moment to really think about why Bobby was with him. “Too weird in Mom’s room?” he asked.

“Oh, man. Way too weird! I mean, it’s crazy. She didn’t change a _thing_ in this house.” Bobby and Jack looked over at Jeremiah as he appeared in the doorway, smiling at them as though he knew something they didn’t. “Jesus, Jack! If you’re gonna smoke in the house, at least open a window.” Bobby glared and Jack returned the look, before reaching over and opening the window behind his desk. “Whoa! It looks like our fairy actually got some ink with meanin’!” He lifted Jack’s shirt and lowered his jeans and underwear band.

Jack slapped Bobby’s hands away. “There’re easier ways to see somethin’, Bobby.”

“You’re still not my type, ya little fairy.” Bobby glanced at Jeremiah, as if forgetting that he was there. “What’re you grinnin’ at?”

“Nothin’, man,” Jeremiah said, the grin still in place. “Jus’ happy to see my brothers, is all.” He looked down for a moment. “I missed y’all.”

“Yeah, I missed you, too, Jerry.”

“I’m thinkin’ of goin’ to the store, pickin’ up a bird or somethin’ for dinner. At least pretend we’re real family.”

Jack lowered his eyes, sliding them over to Bobby and then back to Jeremiah. His older brother caught his eyes and smiled, again in that seemingly knowing way that reminded him a fair amount of Mom. He shifted very slightly on the bed and was grateful when Angel came out of his room and Bobby gave him shit about seeing his ‘La Vida Loca.’

While Angel proved his brothers right, Jack walked through the house. He went into the kitchen and expected to see her sitting at the table, a cup of tea by her hand as she read a book or the newspaper. When he turned to her chair, his heart sank as he remembered that she’d never be there again. He looked at the book that she had been reading: Great Expectations.

He made his way into the living room and couldn’t believe how it was the same. He sat with his back to the sofa, his knees to his chest and hands on his knees as he stared at the black screen of the television. How could it all be the same, but still different?

“Fuckin’ hell, Cracker Jack! There’s glitter _everywhere_!” Bobby cursed as he came down the stairs, trying to brush the glitter that he got on his hands after dusting it off his ass. He raised his angry eyes to the living room and froze at the blank expression on Jack. There’s not a chance in hell he’d ever forget that face. “Jack?” he said as he crouched in front of him. As it was back then, he got no reply, so he placed a hand on Jack’s neck.

Jack blinked and looked at Bobby. “Oh, hey, Bobby. When’d you get here?”

Bobby glared and pulled Jack to his feet. “Don’t you fuckin’ dare shut us out, Jack,” he warned and pulled his baby brother into a hug.

Jack hesitated, but eventually rested his forehead on Bobby’s shoulder and closed his eyes. He wanted to let it all out, but knew he couldn’t. He needed to hold onto the pain long enough to find the bastards that killed Mom. _Then_ he could cry like the fairy he is and finally let go of his grief.

He tensed as Bobby pulled him closer, which forced him to pull away. “Goin’ for a shower,” he said and darted up the stairs. He could feel Bobby’s shocked eyes on him, before he made it into his bedroom and grabbed the towel out of his backpack, which he should probably wash before using. In fact, he should probably wash all his clothing, since he left before laundry day.

Jack closed the door and stripped, gave himself an English bath and found some old clothing that might still fit him in the tallboy. He pulled on sweatpants that were too small and a sweatshirt that probably wouldn’t fit Amelia. He sighed and pulled his socks off. It would have to do until his clothing was clean and he could shower. He took his backpack down to the laundry and got a load going, frowning as he saw that Mom still used the same powder.

“Jack,” Bobby said softly from behind. “Are you okay?”

How he remembered that soft voice, helping him overcome fears. He remembered how it forced him to proclaim that ‘Once a Mercer, always a Mercer.’ He remembered that secure and safe feeling he always got from Bobby, which he needed now. Hell, he even remembered how impressed Bobby was with him when he broke a Mercer record of sending a kid to the hospital with two kicks.

Jack rested his hands on the washer, breathing heavily. “Yeah,” he breathed and cleared his throat. “Yeah, I’m fine.”

“Are you sure? Because if you ain’t, that’s fine, too, Jackie. If you need to talk, ya know I’m here.”

Jack turned around and stared at Bobby. He could see his big brother forcing down the pain he was feeling, so he could keep a clear mind and help his brothers get through their grief. “And what about you, Bobby? Hmm? How are you?” Bobby glanced away, just for a second, but it was that momentary lapse of control that worried Jack. “With Mom gone, who’s gonna hold you at night, when the nightmares come?”

“That doesn’t matter. My brothers come first.”

Jack lowered his eyes, trying to find the right words without pissing Bobby off, which was nearly impossible. “Bobby, we count on you to keep us together. But if you don’t sleep, you’re gonna make stupid decisions and some might end badly.”

“Really? Remind me again how much sleep you’ve gotten the last three days?” Jack winced slightly and ducked his head, knowing he couldn’t tell Bobby to sleep when he wasn’t. “‘Such is life,’ right?”

Jack looked up and smirked, stepping closer to Bobby. “‘No mercy’?”

Bobby’s eyes flared with a lust for the murderer’s blood. “None,” he stated vehemently and Jack nodded. He would stick with Bobby and follow him to hell, if he had to.

oOo

That night, Jack managed to get ninety minutes of sleep and he stared at the floor of his room. He was under his bed again and crawled out, stretching his joints and muscles. He looked at his sleepwear and sighed. He’d had to change before Bobby figured out he was sleeping under his bed again. Without Mom in the house, Jack no longer felt safe. The nightmares were already creeping in and he looked at his bedroom door.

He could hear Angel and Sofi asleep. At least Angel had a saving grace, even if Bobby didn’t like her. He opened his door and stepped into the hallway, looking around the pitch black house and lowered his eyes. He went up to Mom’s door and knocked softly on it. He heard Bobby groan and say it was open. Jack stepped into the room, keeping the door open a crack and made out where Bobby was sleeping. He was sleeping on the side that Mom used to.

Before he took another step, Jack froze and lowered his head. It hadn’t even been one night and he was already running to Bobby to make everything better, if only for a short time. Bobby told him to come in and Jack hesitantly took a step toward the bed. He’d never gone to anyone before about his nightmares and he questioned why he was doing it now. Bobby needed as much sleep as he could get, considering what he had in mind.

Jack walked around to the side Bobby was on and sat on the floor, pressing his back to the bed. “I’m sorry,” he whispered and sighed softly. “I guess…I guess I just needed my big brother.”

The hand found the nape of his neck and Jack closed his eyes. “You don’t feel safe anymore, Jackie?”

“Could I…” Jack opened his eyes and figured Bobby already knew how pathetic and weak he was. “Could I stay in here for a little?”

The fingers stroked his hair. “As long as you need, Jack.” The bed shifted and he felt Bobby’s eyes on his huddled form. “You gonna be comfortable down there?”

Jack glanced at the bed. “I never told her about the nightmares,” he admitted.

“I know. You never told anyone.”

“I was scared, back then. And I’m scared again, now.”

“Why are you scared now, Jack?” Bobby asked, keeping his voice low and soothing.

Jack paused, his chest impossibly tight as he fought back tears. “Because I can’t lose Mom and you, Bobby,” he choked out and pressed his forehead to his knees.

“You ain’t gonna lose both of us, Jackie. Ya know I’m too stubborn or too stupid to die.”

Jack had to chuckle. It was true. Bobby would always find a way of living, either through sheer will or dumb luck. He placed his trembling hand on the one Bobby had on his neck. The security was there the moment Bobby touched him, but this time he felt loved. He knew that Bobby wanted to go back to sleep, as they had to get up early and visit the store owner, but he was staying awake because Jack wanted to be comforted.

“Get on the bed, Jackie.” Bobby frowned when Jack tensed and removed his hand. He watched as his baby brother’s tall, lean form stood up. “Jack, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. You just reminded that I should probably get back to bed.” Jack leaned down to hug Bobby, wincing as his head his something hard. He heard Bobby curse softly, not wanting to wake up the house. “Jesus, Bobby. Was that your _head_?”

“Yeah, it was, ya little fairy. I’mma guess that Mack truck was yours.” Bobby finally turned a light, which made them both winces in the brightness of the lamp on the bedside chest. He looked up at Jack and frowned. “Stop holdin’ it in.”

Jack knelt beside the bed, resting his cheek on it as he gazed at Bobby. “This isn’t the time for a breakdown, Bobby.” He kept his eyes on Bobby’s handsome face, refusing to look at his shirtless torso. Bobby was staring straight ahead, idly stroking Jack’s neck. “I love you, Bobby.”

“I love ya, too, baby brother.” Bobby looked down at him and gave a half smile. “You sure you don’t wanna spend the night in here?”

Jack kept his face blank as he thought about it. As far as Jack knew, Bobby preferred to sleep alone, as he could hog the covers to himself. However, once he stopped thinking about himself, Jack finally realized what it was. Bobby needed company, as well. He needed someone with him, while he slept in Mom’s room. He didn’t want to put glitter throughout her bedding, as it would lose her scent.

“Come back to my room. I don’t care about glitter in my bed.”

“You’re such a fuckin’ fairy, Jack,” Bobby said with a shake of his head, but he stood and turned off the lamp. He led the way into Jack’s room, making sure to keep the door open ajar. He waited for Jack to get in the bed first, before he crawled in.

They didn’t touch or hold each other, but both gained the comfort they wanted from the other. Just knowing that someone was there eased the tension they were holding. Their presence was enough to remind the other that they had each other’s back.

The first time Bobby told him that once a Mercer, always a Mercer came back to Jack. He could hear Bobby breathing deeply and soundly behind him. The first Christmas he spent with the Mercers. He never did open that gift that Bobby got him. Still, back then, those words had caused confusion in his small mind. Even when he was in the hospital, it made him confused. Now that their mother was gone, it all made sense.

oOo

Watching his brothers argue always made him want to run away. He couldn’t keep it from his face that he was fighting to stay where he was. The knock at the door had been a gleam of hope for him. Maybe he could get away from the shouting and the accusations. It would help him get away from his guilt, as well. He didn’t want to remember that he’d left and hadn’t seen or called her for five years.

The insult and then the snowball. Jack didn’t think. He just wanted to beat the shit out of that asshole that would dare insult a saint like Evelyn Mercer. Then he saw the gun and felt the pain. He could hear Bobby’s voice behind him, but all he could see and focus on was the gun that was about to take his life. The blast of a shotgun seemed to make things better, but he wasn’t pulled back to safety.

He remembered screaming the one word that always made everything better. He could vaguely hear Bobby shouting his name over the blasts from the guns. He could remember feeling so cold in the chill of the day and the snow that he was lying on. Suddenly, he didn’t have the strength to scream for Bobby. He didn’t have the strength to breathe. He could taste blood and his vision was beginning to fade. He could hear Bobby calling for him and _begging_ him to breathe.

Jack saw the tears in Bobby’s eyes and tried to understand why he would cry so openly. He knew that Angel and Jeremiah were there, as well. He could hear Sofi saying that she was dialing. He remembered a moment of confusion as Bobby placed his mouth over his and breathed in. He could feel someone pressing on his chest, but he couldn’t take his eyes from Bobby as he pulled back and saw his blood on his brother’s mouth.

“Don’t you fuckin’ die on me, you little fairy,” Bobby ordered, before he breathed into his mouth again. Jack felt more blood come up, before the world faded to black.

Jeremiah continued to do the compressions, while Angel felt for the pulse and Bobby breathed into him. Angel said that the pulse was still there and Bobby couldn’t remove that spark of hope. If they could just keep him alive long enough for the paramedics to get there, there was a chance. Jeremiah never let up on the compressions, keeping the blood flowing.

A car door opening got Bobby’s attention and he glared at the van that Jerry crashed into. He told Angel to take over and stormed over the van, grabbing a gun. After checking that it had at least one bullet left, he shoved the asshole’s head back with the barrel and demanded to know if it was Victor Sweet. When the guy thanked God, Bobby saw red. He could taste Jack’s blood on his lips and he remembered seeing his mother brutally slain.

“Thank god? He took my mother and my little brother from me, you motherfucker. Thank Victor Sweet.” He pulled the trigger just as the sirens turned onto the street. He dropped the gun and went back to Jack. Sofi had taken to checking his pulse and said that it was still there, but that Jack was so cold.

The paramedics tried to get to Jack, but Jeremiah refused to stop doing the compressions. He wouldn’t stop until he brought Jackie back. Bobby took the rosary around Jack’s neck before the paramedics could take it. They placed a mask over Jack’s face and forcefully moved Jeremiah to the side, doing the compressions themselves, while they moved Jack onto a stretcher and took him away. Bobby shook and tried to calm himself, especially when he saw Green. As much as he wanted to be with Jack when he woke up, Bobby didn’t know when that would be and he needed to make Sweet pay for what he’d done to his family.

 

 

 

“Jackie?”

Jack frowned. He knew that voice, but it wasn’t possible. He turned around and all he saw was darkness surrounding him. There was a spot of light in the distance and he wanted to move toward it, but he something was telling him to stay where he was. He turned his back to the light and his eyes widened as he saw Mom standing there. She had that warm smile on her face.

“Mom?” Jack couldn’t stop the tears from falling and he didn’t want to. He ran to her and hugged her tightly, never wanting to let her go. He felt those safe arms wrap around him. “Why are you here?”

“When you get word that one of your boys got himself into a lot of trouble, you make sure you’re there.” Evelyn pulled back slightly and looked Jack over. “You shot up, didn’t ya? And you grew up so handsome!”

Jack blushed and ducked his head, shuffling his feet. His head snapped up when he finally remembered that Mom was dead. “Am I—?”

“Did you want to die, Jackie?” Evelyn asked softly.

Jack thought of his brothers. He thought of his band. He thought of everything he ever wanted to do. He wanted to spend an eternity with Mom, but he also knew that he couldn’t leave with things left unsaid. Evelyn seemed to know what he was thinking and nodded, the smile returning to her face. She held her face in his hands, wiping away the tears with her thumbs.

“You’re too stubborn for your own good, Jack Mercer. If you go back and don’t tell Bobby how you feel, I will find you and slap you silly.” The gentle affection in her eyes took the sting from her words.

“Mom…I’m sorry I never called or visited.”

“I know, Jackie. I never blamed you. You did what you thought was best and, just like your brothers, once you made up your mind, there was no changing it.” Evelyn released her younger son’s face and stepped back.

Jack frowned as Evelyn seemed to get smaller. “No, Mom! Please, don’t leave again!”

“I’m never gone, Jackie. I love you and your brothers.”

Just like that, Jack was suddenly alone in the abyss. He turned around, ignoring the light that was shining. “Mom?” he called, his voice echoing around him. “Mom!” He didn’t get a response and battled to keep his tears back. “Bobby!”

oOo

Jack rasped as he opened his eyes. He heard someone gasp and a door was opened. He closed his eyes again, finding the room too bright. He heard feet running into the room and opened his eyes again. He saw Angel and Sofi standing behind a doctor. Jack tried to reach out for Angel, but his arm felt like lead. Angel took hold of it, giving it a gentle squeeze and Jack smiled, closing his eyes again.

When he woke up, he felt better. His mind was clearer and he could handle the ‘brightness’ of the dark room. There was stiffness in his right shoulder and he rolled it, hissing at the pain that shot through his body. He forced himself to sit up and feel his legs, grateful when he felt his hand touching them. He heard breathing and looked around the room.

On a sofa he saw Angel and Sofi. Jack couldn’t help but smile when he saw them. He must’ve made a sound, because Sofi’s eyes flew open and she shook Angel awake. She got off the sofa and stood beside Jack, looking him over, before she poured him a glass of water and held the straw to his mouth. Jack drank slowly, watching as Angel lumbered over to him, body stiff with sleep.

“Jack…” Angel shook his head and then hugged his baby brother tightly. “You gave us all a fuckin’ heart attack!”

“I’m sorry,” Jack whispered hoarsely and smiled when Sofi slapped Angel. “Where’s Bobby?”

Angel pulled back, exchanging glances with Sofi. “He’s at home, man. He was here earlier, but he wanted to put the finishin’ touches on the repairs,” he explained and slipped an arm around Sofi’s shoulders.

“How long?”

“How long were you out for?” Angel clarified and Jack nodded. “Ten months.”

Jack’s eyes widened. That couldn’t be right. It didn’t feel like ten months. He’d only spoken to Mom for a couple of minutes, before he woke up. “What happened?” he asked as he reached for the cup. Sofi was on it like a flash. He drank it and fought off the wave of drowsiness.

Angel glanced around to make sure they were alone. “Bobby killed Sweet. Fowler killed Green.”

Jack finished the water and Sofi refilled it, just in case. He smiled and shook his head, thinking about what he was just told. He liked Green. He actually seemed to care about the crime, despite what Bobby had said. Jack tried to sit up on the bed and was grateful when Angel helped him. He flexed his toes, unable to believe that it had been ten months since he last stood. He was unable to believe he had gone ten months without conscious thought.

“Shift change, little brother,” Bobby announced as he walked into the room and removed his jacket.

Jack stared at Bobby, elation thrilling through him. It dulled a little when Bobby turned to him and saw that he was awake. He stormed over to the bed and Jack raised his chin, waiting for the punch he knew was coming. Bobby preferred to punch someone if they scared him. It seemed to be his way of dealing with the fear and Jack could accept that. After all, he had to tell them all that Mom said she loves them and the sooner Bobby got over it, the better.

However, just like that time he blacked out due to stress, Bobby hugged him. Jack blinked and glanced over at Angel. He just grinned and said that he and Sofi wanted to sleep on a bed. Sofi said goodbye and Jack smiled at her, watching as the door closed and Bobby released him.

Jack was slammed with the memory of cold and Bobby’s mouth covered in blood. “What happened?”

Bobby sighed and dropped into a chair Jack hadn’t seen beside the bed. “You were shot. Since Jerry was scared of not bein’ able to save his kids, he knew to do compressions until the professionals could take ya. And accordin’ to them, the muscles constricted to lock in warmth, which slowed blood loss.” He shrugged and slumped in the chair, as though a great weight was lifted off him.

“And Sweet?” Jack asked, despite knowing the answer. He reached for the cup. He wasn’t thirsty, but it gave him something else to focus on, other than Bobby.

“Knocked his ass out and then let him drown in the river,” Bobby answered as he stood and grabbed the cup, handing it to Jack. He took his seat again. “The cops beat the shit outta us, as well. Amazin’ how Victor Sweet goes missin’ and they’re all over us like three dollar whores. An innocent woman is murdered and they don’t give a shit.” He shook his head and glared at the bed.

Jack lowered his eyes as he sipped his water. “When can I go home?”

“Docs wanna keep ya here a little longer, Cracker Jack.” Bobby looked up, still not liking how pale his brother looked. “You okay?”

Jack swallowed and nodded. “Just can’t believe how long I was out for.”

“You never could lie worth a shit. What’s wrong?”

Jack looked over at Bobby. “I wanna go home. Now.”

Bobby narrowed his eyes slightly. “D’ya mean here or back to New York?”

Jack looked away, wanting to hide the hurt. How could Bobby possibly think he’d ever leave home, especially when all of them were there? “I said that I wanna go home, not leave,” he mumbled and stared down at the covers, idly plucking at a thread.

“Well, it’s hard to tell what ya call home, these days, ya little fairy.” Bobby stood and began pacing. Jack knew what was coming. He knew what Bobby was trying to force back. “ _Five_ years, Jack,” he stated and Jack lowered his gaze back to the covers. “And not _one_ phone call! Jesus, fuck! They all thought you were dead!”

Jack frowned and looked up. Bobby had stopped pacing and was glaring at him. “They?” he repeated and raised an eyebrow. “What about you, Bobby?”

Bobby rolled his eyes and Jack refused to the urge to glare. “You think Detroit is the only place I have connections to keep tabs on my little brothers?” He shook his head. “The moment you hit New York, I knew.”

Jack thought of all the times he thought he saw Bobby at his shows. Maybe he wasn’t going crazy. Still, if Bobby had been there, he didn’t want to know. If he knew that Bobby was there and didn’t say anything to him, it would hurt more than being shot did. Why would he travel all that way, but not say anything to him? He knew that Bobby was only there to make sure he stayed on the straight and narrow, which he was proud to say he did, for the most part. At least that was one thing that Bobby couldn’t ream him out for.

“I was old enough to take care of myself,” Jack said and hardened his eyes.

“No, ya weren’t.” Bobby stood beside the bed and gazed down at Jack. “Why did you leave?”

“Bobby…” Jack lowered his eyes and was surprised that Bobby didn’t touch him. He was a little grateful for that. Somehow, Bobby seemed to know that Jack wanted to get something off his chest. “I just came out of a ten month coma about twenty minutes ago.” He looked up and glared at Bobby. “Back the fuck up.”

Bobby raised an eyebrow, but did as Jack wanted. He sat in the chair and sighed. “We’re glad you’re awake, Cracker Jack. Ya know how to scare the shit outta us.” He half-smiled quickly and Jack wondered if he was remembering the first time he ended up in the hospital.

Jack just nodded, feeling exhausted. He didn’t know what else to do, as he wasn’t ready to tell Bobby how he felt. Mostly because he was terrified that his brother would disappear. He frowned when Ethan walked into the room and grinned, running to the bed and hugging Jack. It lasted about two seconds, before Ethan found himself pinned to a wall, Bobby’s forearm to his throat and a death glare on the man’s face.

“He’s a friend from New York, Bobby,” Jack said, frowning when Bobby didn’t back up. “Bobby?” He slipped off the bed and winced as pain shot up his left leg. His feet felt tender on the floor, but he limped over to Bobby and placed a hand on his shoulder.

Ethan was gasping for air by the time Jack got to them. At the touch of his little brother, Bobby stepped back and returned to his chair. “If he’s a friend, why’s he stalkin’ ya?”

Jack blinked and looked Bobby, as Ethan rubbed his throat and tried to get some feeling back into it. “What’re you talkin’ about, Bobby?”

With a sigh, Bobby turned his tired eyes to Jack. “How’d he know you were in the hospital?”

Realization flashed through Jack’s eyes. He knew for a fact that no one would tell some stranger where to find him, regardless of who they said they were. He stepped back from Ethan, glancing at the door. Why was Ethan there alone? He knew that Bobby was still on high alert and had chosen to sit down before he murdered Ethan, as he wouldn’t be able to get away with it.

“How’d you know I was in the hospital?” Jack asked and limped back another step, wanting to keep some distance between him and Ethan. He’d known Ethan for four years, but that didn’t mean anything. Ethan wasn’t as open about who he was, unlike Angel, Bobby and Jeremiah. Jack knew immediately that they were people he could trust.

“I followed Jerry, when he came here. No one at the house would tell me where you were,” Ethan explained and straightened. “We were worried about ya, man. You disappeared nearly a year ago and we haven’t heard from ya.”

“So you decided to come here?”

“Well, yeah. The apartment was empty without ya, man. We were wondering if you were gonna come back and join the band, again.” Ethan glanced at Bobby nervously when he heard him shift in the chair. The oldest Mercer was staring at a wall, face blank.

Jack shook his head and limped back to the bed. He allowed Bobby to help him back into it and removed the patches on his chest, ignoring the way the machines beeped at him. “I’m home, Ethan. I don’t think I can leave it again. My brothers need me.”

A nurse entered the room and sighed softly when she saw it was the Mercer boys again. She made sure the IV was still in Jack’s arm and then muted the machines, leaving the room. Ethan watched her go. When he looked back at Jack, Bobby was staring at him and then smirked, which honestly, made Ethan want to piss himself. He’d never seen someone look so murderous before and he lived in New York.

“The band needs ya, too, Jackie.” Ethan swallowed when Jack glared at him and Bobby growled. Apparently, that nickname was for family only. “We need ya back in New York, man.”

Jack frowned and sighed. He wondered if Ethan was always that stupid. “My _family_ needs me, Ethan. I’m not leaving.”

Ethan took a step towards the bed. He cried out as Bobby moved like lightning and grabbed him around the throat, literally throwing him from the room. “He said no. If I catch you near him ever again, I’ll knock your teeth so far down fuckin’ your throat you’ll have to eat corn with your ass.” Bobby closed the door and returned to his chair. “That guy is a fuckin’ jackass.”

Jack laughed and nodded. “I don’t remember him being like that, though.” He shrugged and winced as his right shoulder radiated pain. He lowered the gown and stared at the scar. “Bobby, I’m sorry.”

Bobby frowned. “The fuck for?”

“I can only imagine how expensive my stay here has been.” Jack placed his hand over the scar.

Bobby shrugged and glanced over his shoulder, as though expecting Ethan to walk in again. “Jerry’s takin’ care of it, man. Angel and me need to take a slight pay cut, though until we’ve paid it back.”

“What?”

Bobby smirked and shook his head. “I keep forgettin’ you were out of it, man. You remember Jerry’s dream? He’s got it up and goin’ and he hired on me and Angel. We’re takin’ home a smaller paycheck because of the repairs to the house and because of your stay.”

Jack lowered his eyes and dropped his hand. He bit the inside of his lower lip as he looked at Bobby. The other had his eyes lowered, as though lost in thought. He kicked off the blankets and looked at the bullet scars on his left calf and thigh. He glanced at Bobby and saw that he was staring at them as well, guilt written all over his face.

“Don’t blame yourself for it, Bobby,” Jack said and pulled the blanket over his legs. He knew that Bobby would always blame himself for what happened. Every time Bobby looked at him, he was reminded of every failure to protect him. “If I hadn’t been an idiot, it wouldn’t have…happened…”

Bobby’s eyes snapped to him as Jack trailed off in realization. Every time he was hurt badly, it was because he was doing something stupid. The first time he got the shit kicked out him was because he couldn’t sulk in his room. He _had_ to leave the house, instead of just sitting on the back stoop. The second time he was hurt, he accepted a drink from someone he didn’t know very well and without checking to make sure it wasn’t tampered with. The last time, he wanted to get away from the arguing and wanted the distraction. It was a hell of a distraction. He couldn’t lie about that, at least.

“Jackie, it’s my job to keep you safe.”

“You can’t protect me from my own stupidity, Bobby.” Jack smiled reassuringly at him and was surprised when Bobby just looked away. He got the feeling that Bobby wanted to leave, but knew he couldn’t lest Ethan was waiting for the room to be empty and Jack really didn’t want to deal with him.

“I should be anticipatin’ your stupidity, ya little fairy.” Bobby stood up and started pacing again. Jack knew it was because he was restless.

Jack narrowed his eyes slightly and raised an eyebrow. “I think you did in New York,” he said with a smirk.

Bobby didn’t even falter in his step. “So, ya saw me in the clubs then?” he asked and cocked an eyebrow at the smirk on Jack’s face.

“You’re kinda hard to miss,” Jack said and grinned. _Especially when I’m looking for you specifically_ , he added in his mind and pushed his shoulders back, cracking the top of his spine and smothering a yawn. “Seriously, though. When can I go home?”

“When Angel gets back, I’ll see if I can get ya released tomorrow.” Bobby stepped up to the bed and ruffled his hair. “Get some sleep, Cracker Jack. You still look like shit.”

Jack rolled his eyes, but settled down in the bed and closed his eyes. “I love you, Bobby.”

“I love ya, too, baby brother.” Jack wished he’d stop adding the brother part.

oOo

True to his word, Bobby managed to get Jack released the next day. The walk to the car had been a pain, but he managed it. The doctor told him that the more he used the leg, the stronger it would get, hopefully. Until then, he wasn’t to lift anything heavy or go on any fun-runs. Jack nodded, itching to get out of that room and into his own. He honestly couldn’t wait to see home again.

The ride back from the hospital was done in near silence. The doctor had given him a prescription for painkillers, which Jack didn’t want to use. The pain wasn’t that bad, except when he walked or in the case of his shoulder, when he sneezed. He nestled down in his jacket and yawned, wanting to pass out in his bed for the first time in months. Bobby had said that his room took extensive damage, but they’d managed to clean it up. Unfortunately, he lost some of his posters.

“Such is life,” Jack said, placing a hand on the tattoo between his hips. “I’d rather lose them than a brother or my life.” He rolled the packet of cigarettes between his hands after a while, also itching to have a hit of nicotine. He hated being stuck in a hospital room.

Bobby glanced at him, but said nothing as he continued to drive. He pulled up at the house and Jack looked at it. It seemed that the new windows had been painted. The bricks had been replaced. Honestly, it looked as though nothing had happened. Jack opened the door and slipped out of the car, being careful about the pressure he put on his leg.

His eyes strayed to the pole and he quickly looked away. He really didn’t want to think about that day and limped his way towards the front of the house. Bobby whistled and Jack looked over his shoulder. Bobby was holding his cane and Jack narrowed his eyes. He’d expressed his explosive dislike of the cane with Bobby in the room, but the doctor had said he would need it.

With a sigh, Jack took the damn thing from Bobby and continued making his way towards the house. The cold air seemed to whistle through the scars and he had to force the memory back. Bobby unlocked the door and Jack went inside, enjoying the warmth from the fireplace and made his way towards it. He jumped back, pursing his lips as Jeremiah, Angel, Sofi, Camille, Daniela and Amelia jumped up and screamed ‘Surprise’ to him from the dining room.

Jack grinned and made his way towards them, accepting a hug from everyone, while Bobby took his bag up to his room. Camille had cooked up a small feast for his return and Jack nodded. He noticed that the photos were hung up on the walls, still in the broken frames. He said that he’d be out back, having a smoke, after he thanked Camille for the hard work she did for him.

Once outside, the smile left Jack’s face and he sighed. He really wasn’t ready to deal with the whole family, considering he just got out of the hospital. He wanted to see them, but not so soon and not all at once. He wanted time to settle in first. He glanced to his right when someone joined him, not surprised to see Bobby there. He could hear the others setting up plates and cutlery for lunch.

“I told them to let you settle in first,” Bobby said, resting his hand on Jack’s neck. “But Camille had already started cooking, so we just decided to get it over with.”

“Bobby, I—”

Bobby shook his head. “If you can’t handle it, Jack, just go straight up to your room.”

Jack lowered his eyes and opened the packet of cigarettes, pulling one out. He patted himself down, trying to find his lighter. He glanced at Bobby as he struck one and lit the smoke, just rolling with it. He winced as he used his right hand. He thought about what Bobby said and really didn’t want to bail on them. He figured he could use the distraction. It would make him feel better, instead of sitting in his room with his thoughts.

He shivered and felt Bobby’s hand tighten slightly on his neck, before it disappeared, taking the warmth it produced with it. “Don’t stay out here too long, or you’ll be a snow fairy.”

Jack shook his head. “Fuck you, Bobby,” he said with a smile.

“Jesus, you _really_ wanna get in my pants, don’t ya?” Bobby kissed the side of Jack’s head and ruffled his hair. “You’re still not my type,” he whispered and Jack turned his head.

Bobby’s eyes flashed with something that Jack wasn’t familiar with, but he stepped back and smirked, while Jack trembled and tried to get over the fact that he almost kissed his older brother. He’d been _so close_ and he smelled _so good_. Jack finished his cigarette and crushed it out in the glass ashtray that he only just noticed was still there from when he lived there. He smiled and shook his head. She really didn’t change a thing, he decided as he went back inside and joined the others in the dining room.

Jack wasn’t there to see the progression, but he had to say he was pleased to see that people were smiling as they sat around the dining table. He took his seat beside Jeremiah, almost losing his balance and thankfully steadied by his older brother. They laughed and talked and Jack actually felt a little like a stranger amongst them. He had discovered that the cops didn’t think that Mercer boys had gone straight, with regular jobs.

According to Jeremiah, that was because Bobby enjoyed getting drunk on Fridays and beating the shit out of anyone that said anything about the Red Wings or anyone that didn’t pay up. Jack smiled and shook his head, ignoring the stab in his heart about the fact he probably wouldn’t be able to play hockey with his brothers again. He ate very little of what was on his plate, listening to Jerry explain to Angel and Bobby what he wanted done by next month, while Camille and Sofi stopped Daniela and Amelia from flicking their peas around, while talking about setting a date for shopping.

Jack glanced at the head of the table, where Mom would sit. He saw it empty and stood up abruptly, ignoring the pain his leg and limped out of the room. He went out the front and inhaled deeply, trying to get his shit together. He paced the length of the sunroom, running his trembling hands through his hair. He didn’t even register the pain or cold he was feeling. All he knew for certain was that he needed to get up to speed with the others.

In order to move on with his life, he had to deal with his grief. The only problem with that was he didn’t want to move on, not yet. He knew he was ten months behind the others, but that didn’t mean anything. They knew what he was like. They knew he would keep it all inside, until it exploded and Jack wasn’t sure if that was a good thing.

He turned and walked into a solid body. “For the love of fuck, Bobby! Would you leave me alone?”

“No,” Bobby said simply and sat Jack down on a chair. “What’s wrong?” Jack shook his head and closed his eyes when Bobby growled. “Tell me what’s wrong, or I beat it outta ya.”

Jack sighed softly and dropped his head. “I saw Mom.” He felt Bobby’s confused eyes on him and knew he’d have to explain in a little more detail. “While I was in the coma or maybe it was when I blacked or probably just before I woke up, I saw her.”

Bobby crouched in front of Jack, placing his hands on his knees. “What’s wrong with that?”

Jack gritted his teeth, trying to force back the tears. He figured he could cry himself to sleep that night. “It just reminded me how much I missed her,” he finally said, telling at least one truth.

“Oh, hell. Would you two just fuck already?” Angel asked as he stood in the threshold of the front door.

Bobby looked at Angel for roughly three seconds, before he was tackling him in the next second. Jack slumped in the chair and tilted his head back, closing his eyes. Angel was right on the money with him, but he could hear Bobby yelling that that Jack was his baby brother, which just made things worse for him. Energy drained completely, Jack stood up and limped his way into the house, past the wrestling brothers and up the stairs slowly.

He closed the door and pulled his shirt over his head, kicking off his shoes and collapsing onto his bed. He didn’t bother to look around and see how different it was. He just wanted to sleep and forget for a little while that he was messed up more than Bobby could guess. Just before he could pass out, something finally clicked to him and he sat up. He stayed in his room, thinking it through, even when Bobby came out the victor of the wrestling match.

Jack stayed in his room, saying goodbye to Jeremiah and his family through the door. He stood up and winced as the pain shot through him. He shook his head, telling his body to suck it up as he had more important things to do. He grabbed the shirt he’d pulled off before and tried to pull it back on.

“Fuck,” he said and dropped the material, realizing that he still couldn’t rotate or raise his shoulder. He shook his head and slipped his arms in and used his left arm to do most of the work.

Once covered, Jack left his room and limped downstairs. He found Bobby in the living room, sprawled out on the sofa as usual. Jack smiled at him and made his way towards the back door to grab his smokes. He was dying for one and it would give him time to pluck up his courage and question his big brother. Except, Bobby noticed that he’d walked by without a jacket on and shook his head, grabbing it and taking it through to him. Jack couldn’t remember the last time he was that absentminded.

Jack had just lit his cigarette when he felt his coat dumped on his back. “Thanks,” he said and slipped his arms through.

“Ya don’t have to smoke out here. We just want ya to open a couple of windows if you’re gonna smoke inside,” Bobby said as he slipped his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

Jack shrugged his left shoulder. “Just easier for me to smoke outside, then.” Bobby nodded and headed back in. “Bobby,” he said and his brother turned. “I love you.”

“Random declarations of love indicate suicidal thoughts,” Bobby said and stood beside Jack. “Do I need to tie you down, to make sure you don’t kill yourself?”

Jack lowered his eyes, figuring that Bobby would only see as brotherly affection, but shook his head. “I’m not suicidal. I’d still tell ya if I was, man.”

Bobby sighed with relief and ruffled Jack’s hair. “Good. Keep it that way, ya little fairy. And don’t stay out too long without shoes on.” He went back inside after Jack nodded.

He did end up staying outside for quite a while and was forced inside when it started to drizzle. He removed his jacket and shook his head, kicking off his socks in the laundry room. He went into the living room and eased himself down in front of the sofa, pulling his knees to his chest. He winced as his right shoulder refused to cooperate with him and even found it to be a strain on his left leg. He shook his head and dropped his right arm and left leg.

As it was to be expected, Bobby was watching the game. Jack glanced at him and saw that his eyes were fixed on the screen. He took the time to look at his brother’s study body. He faced forward when he heard Angel and Sofi coming down the stairs. They said they were heading out to catch a movie and Jack nodded. Bobby told them not to stain the theater seats. Sofi shook her head and Angel rolled his eyes.

Once they left, Jack lowered his eyes and shifted. The moment a break came on, Bobby took the opportunity to grab a beer and Jack took his spot on the sofa, stretching out his taller body. He bent his right leg, knowing his left would protest and he made sure his shirt rode up a little, mostly enough to show off his ‘Such is life’ tattoo. Bobby walked in and paused.

“Would you be that quick to jump into my grave, as well?” he asked as he sat on an armchair and took a swig of his beer.

“If you warmed it up, sure,” Jack answered with a slight shrug.

They watched the game in silence. Once it was finished, Bobby had drained his beer and took the empty bottle through to the kitchen. He came back into the living and stood over Jack. “I want my spot back,” he said and Jack almost sat up, but decided against it.

“Your spot is gone, Bobby,” he basically sang out and stretched his legs.

“I will force you up, Cracker Jack.”

“Take pity on me,” Jack said and smirked. “I just got outta the hospital, man.”

“Jack,” Bobby said as he bent down and placed his hands on Jack’s waist. “That shit ain’t gonna fly.”

Jack gasped and then screamed with laughter as Bobby tickled him, whiole Bobby grinned down at him evilly. He tried to fight off Bobby’s hands, but he’d never been as strong as Bobby and working construction just made him even stronger. His hands seemed rougher than usual, as well, but felt wonderful on his skin as Bobby slipped his hands under his shirt. His eyes widened as he realized he was enjoying it too much.

He tried to push Bobby’s hands away. “I’m sorry,” he gasped out and tried to sit up. When Bobby realized what he was doing, he removed his hands. “It’s just more comfortable to lay out like that.”

“I know, baby brother. Why d’ya think I do it?” Jack stood up and Bobby took his spot, but pulled Jack onto the sofa. “Sittin’ on the floor probably ain’t good for ya, man.”

Jack shook his head and went to stand. “I’ll just take the chair, man.”

Bobby frowned and sat up. “You okay?” Jack nodded. “Ya know I love ya, right?”

_That’s the problem!_ Jack’s mind screamed, but he smiled and nodded. He went to the armchair and sat down, pulling his right foot onto it, resting his chin on the knee as he stared at the screen. He tried to ignore Bobby’s eyes on him and focus on the highlights of the games that were played.

He relaxed when Bobby stood up and went upstairs. It didn’t last long, though. “I forgot to mention. When I was fixin’ up your room, I found this in the closet,” he said and held out a brightly wrapped gift.

Jack blinked and reached out; taking the Christmas present he never opened from Bobby. He never knew what happened to it and assumed that Angel or Jeremiah opened it for him. Judging by the size and thickness, it was a book. He looked up and Bobby nodded, so Jack opened it. He stared at the hard cover copy of Dr. Seuss’s best sellers. He choked on a sob, running his shaking fingers over the Cat in the Hat on the cover, watching as his tears dropped onto the glossy cover.

“Thank you,” he said and sniffed, looking up.

Bobby had an unreadable expression on his face and nodded. “You’re welcome, Jack.”

With a small smile, Jack opened the book to _The Cat in the Hat_. His chest tightened as he remembered first learning the words. He could still see Evelyn watching him from the doorway. He could see the proud gleam in her eyes as he read the first page to her. His smile stretched into a grin as he remembered the way Angel picked him up and spun around. His eyes slid over to Bobby as his brother lounged on the sofa.

The memory of Bobby reading the book to him slammed into his mind. Bobby had always been the most forceful of his brothers, when it came to helping him. He never gave Jack the space he wanted and enjoyed pushing his limits. Jack wondered if that was why he fell in love with him. He never pushed so far that it scarred him, but just enough to know that nothing he said or did would stop him.

“It hurts so much, Bobby,” Jack said and closed the book. His bit his lower lip, trying to keep the tears back. “Why does it hurt so much?”

“I don’t know, Jackie.”

Jack pursed his lips. He should’ve known that Bobby wouldn’t have all the answers. He raised his eyes and looked around the living room. The sofa and TV were different, but they’d managed to find the same shade of paint for the walls. He’d been out of it for ten months and he hadn’t been able to get his shit together. The memories were still destroying him.

He got to his feet and went to head for the stairs, except he found Bobby’s arms around him. “I wanna be alone, Bobby.”

“No,” Bobby said and held Jack tighter. “If it hurts you tell me. Once a Mercer, always a Mercer.”

That was the breaking point for Jack. He collapsed against Bobby, lost in the tears and the memories of that house, the people that lived within the walls and the woman that showed him how to love and trust again. He let Bobby hold him, stroke his hair and hand him tissues. Five years he fucked around for. Five years he didn’t bother to call for Christmas or her birthday. He cut everyone off, because he was angry with Bobby.

He couldn’t stop any of the memories from bombarding him. He could only grip Bobby’s shirt, oblivious to the silent tears his brother was shedding, wanting to take his pain away. “Why won’t it stop?” he demanded, the memory of the last time Evelyn told Jack she loved him playing through his mind again.

Bobby lowered his eyes, gently rocking Jack as he cried. He knew the shame and guilt was clouding his mind, along with the pain of losing the only person that gave a damn about them. He tried his hardest to push the memories back, as well. He couldn’t believe that the scared kid he first saw that December eleven years ago was the same as the one in his arms. The only thing he saw when Jack was bleeding out on the snow was him, in the corner of his room, watching as Bobby read _The Cat in the Hat_ to him.

“Why does it hurt?” Jack asked again and Bobby flinched.

“Because life sucks balls sometimes,” he answered and felt Jack’s strong fingers tighten their grip.

“You…You said to make better memories, so…so the bad ones don’t win,” Jack whispered through his sobs and buried his face into Bobby’s chest. “But the better ones…they hurt more!”

Bobby tilted his head down, kissing the top of Jack’s head. “I know they do, Jackie. They hurt more because you want to remember them. You want to remember the love and the happiness and the security she gave us. But then…you remember that it’s gone and it’ll never come back.” He winced as he remembered seeing her sitting outside the house, asking him if he’s going to stay a while. It had felt so good to see her, but he knew he would never see her again.

“Five years, Bobby!” Jack couldn’t stop, even if he wanted to. “Not _one_ phone call!”

“You were running away from whatever hurt you that summer, Jackie. We never blamed you.” Bobby looked down when Jack fell silent. He frowned and checked his pulse, breathing out when he felt it and picked up his baby brother. He found himself grateful that Jack was such a skinny kid and took him up to his bedroom, tucking him into bed and glancing down at the glitter. “I’m sorry about what I did, Jackie.”


	6. Chapter VI

**~Shadow of Blue~**

**By:** Aerys Krystie.

 

* * *

Since he let go of his pain, he was feeling a little better about his life. Bobby never brought it up again, but the book had gone back into the closet. It was painful enough to have _The Cat in the Hat_ on the bedside chest, but he didn’t want to change anything in the room. Evelyn had left it that way for a reason. The sadness was still there and Jack was certain it would never leave, especially as the seasons changed.

Winter rolled in and Jack worked on being able to walk without a cane, giving him something more to think about rather than focusing on that it had been over a year since their mother was murdered and he nearly died. He walked up and down the stairs, trying to loosen his right shoulder, as well. He and Sofi spent most of the days in the house, except when she would take him to the park, so they could walk around and enjoy some fresh air. It was on a day like that that she decided to ask a question that Jack never thought she’d ask.

“Have you told Bobby you love him, yet?”

Jack stopped walking and stared at her. How in the hell did she know? Once again, he made sure he didn’t sneak glances at him when he thought no one else was looking. He tried his hardest not to look at him and then just smile. Hell, he tried to make sure he wasn’t in the same room with him most times, without someone else present. He didn’t want anyone to think he was weird for loving his brother that way.

“I–I…Of course. He’s my brother.”

Sofi raised an eyebrow and went to place a hand on his shoulder. She quickly pulled it away when he flinched. “You know how I mean, Jackie,” she said and started walking again. Jack stayed by her side. “Just so you know, Angel doesn’t care.”

Jack kept his eyes lowered, suddenly not feeling the pain in his leg. “How did you guys know?”

“With Bobby it was easy to see. You’re the only one of his brothers he teases that way. And with you…” Sofi trailed off, as though trying to figure out the right words. “You were a little more difficult to figure out, which was weird. You wear your emotions on your sleeve, but there are ways you look at Bobby that just screams how in love with him you are.” She shrugged.

Jack bit the inside of his lower lip, wondering how _everyone_ else could see how he felt about his big brother, except his big brother. “What about Camille and Jerry?”

“They told Angel and also told him to apply the military rule — don’t ask, don’t tell, _if_ he had a problem with it.” Sofi placed a hand on Jack’s shoulder, not caring that he flinched. It got him to stop walking. “Just tell him, Jackie or I’ll slap you silly.”

Jack blinked and raised his eyes, staring at Sofi. Her eyes softened when she saw the tears in his and went to apologize, but Jack shook his head. He figured Mom would get her message through one way or another. He asked if he could hug her and she wrapped her arms around his waist, squeezing him tightly. She mentioned that she and Angel were going to Jerry’s for the night, mostly to give them privacy and Jack nodded. He still wasn’t sure if they were right, but he figured a few shots of whiskey would give him courage.

They walked back home and Jack started on a lunch for them. He used the last of the cold meats and salad left over from the lunches he made for Angel and Bobby. He was too nervous to eat, but managed two bites under the glare from Sofi. She didn’t like it, but took it as he at least had something in him. He washed the dishes and left them to dry in the rack.

While Sofi watched TV, Jack stretched out his leg, noting that it was starting to feel good instead of having him want to die from pain. He forced his right shoulder to work the way he wanted it to and fought through the pain. He was almost able to raise it above his head, but he was worried he was pushing it too quickly. Once he was finished, he headed upstairs for a shower and mostly just stood under the warm water.

He jumped when thunder cracked overhead and slipped. He landed hard on his ass and winced, wanting to know why that would happen that night of all nights. He stood up and turned off the water, grabbing his towel off the bar and drying himself quickly, before wrapping it around his hips and heading downstairs. He found Sofi on the sofa, looking out the window behind it, while Jack stepped into the sunroom and watched the rain fall, not really caring that he was still in a towel.

A shiver ran down his spine as he lit up and realized he couldn’t see the mailbox. He bit his lower lip, worried about Angel and Bobby either working or driving in that weather. That was alleviated as he heard Bobby cursing from the kitchen and shook his head, wondering if that voice would never stop traveling through the house.

“Jesus fuck, Jack! Go get dressed before you catch your death!”

Jack shook his head, sitting down and continuing to stare out the window, flicking the ash into the dish. Somehow, Jack got the feeling that the dinner over at Jeremiah’s for Angel and Sofi had been canceled due to the bad weather. He looked up when lightning flashed and crushed out his cigarette, exhaling the last of the smoke. He glanced at Bobby and smiled when he stood beside him and dropped a jacket around his shoulders, telling him he was crazy.

“Aren’t we all?” Jack asked and wrapped the leather jacket around himself a little more, inhaling deeply.

Jack closed his eyes as Bobby placed his hand on his neck. “Jack, do—Fuck!” The power went out and Bobby went back inside.

With a sigh, Jack raised his eyes and demanded to know why everything was going against him that night. He sighed and headed back in, as well. He hung up the jacket and went up to his room, dressing before the cold affected his wounds too badly. He went back down, seeing Bobby and Angel lighting candles. He went back into the sunroom, pulling his knees to his chest as he watched the rain through the flashes of lightning.

“Cracker Jack, come inside.”

“I’m good, Bobby.” Jack smothered a yawn, wanting to hunker down for the night, but also loved to watch the rain.

“Could you watch it from the sofa, so I know you’re warm?”

Jack looked in the general direction of Bobby’s voice when lightning flashed. He nodded slowly and stood up. Bobby had gotten weird in the time that Jack had been home. He didn’t want him outside without someone with him and when he was home, he wanted to make sure Jack was in his line of sight at all times. If not, every few minutes he would call out to know where Jack was.

Standing up, Jack made it past Bobby and into the living room. He smiled when he saw the fire going and sat on the sofa, twisting so he could lay his hands flat and rest his chin on them. He glanced at Bobby when he sat on the sofa with a beer and smiled, turning his eyes back to the rain. He traced tracks that the drops made as they moved down the glass.

“What’s got ya so fascinated with rain, Jackie?”

Jack shrugged, placing his palm on the glass and pulling it back. “I find it peaceful,” he answered quietly, almost lost over the sound of it. He sighed and sucked it up, wanting to get it over with. “Bobby, I—Oh, come on!” he shouted as someone banged on the front door. “This is bullshit, now!”

While he glared towards the door, Bobby shook his head and stood up, Angel stood on the stairs, neither of them taking a chance. “What the fuck are you doin’ here?” Bobby demanded and Jack frowned, moving to the entrance. He heard Ethan’s voice.

“Dude, I told ya I ain’t goin’ back,” Jack said as he stood beside Bobby.

“Did you just say ‘dude’?” Bobby asked and laughed. “Fuckin’ hell, Cracker Jack. You were on the east coast, not the west!”

“Fuck you, Bobby!” Jack shoved him with his good arm, forgetting that Ethan was at the door for some reason. He was brought back to reality when his former band member cleared his throat. “Oh, right. You’re still here. What did you want?”

“Actually, I was wondering if I could talk to you in private.”

Bobby snorted. “Yeah, that ain’t happenin’,” he stated and rested against the open door. “If it involves Jackie, it involves us.”

“Clara was murdered in our—my apartment, four days ago,” Ethan said and Jack sighed, rubbing the nape of his neck. “I wanted to know if you wanted to attend her funeral.”

“I’ll think about it,” Jack said and saw Ethan’s shocked face when lightning flashed. He got the feeling that Ethan thought he’d be on the next bus out there. It wasn’t happening.

Bobby closed the door and locked it, watching as Jack went upstairs. He followed his baby brother, asking Angel to make sure that Ethan leaves. Angel agreed and Bobby walked into Jack’s room, keeping the door open ajar as he noticed that Jack still had that issue with closed doors. Jack was sitting on his bed, staring at the floor.

“You can go to her funeral if ya want, ya little fairy. We ain’t gonna stop ya from doin’ that. We’re over-protective, but we ain’t heartless,” Bobby said as he sat beside Jack.

“You’ll be with me, right?” Jack asked as he looked up.

“You actually want me there, meetin’ ya friends?”

“Well, they wouldn’t mind meetin’ you, either.”

“I don’t think they’re gonna like me, ya little fairy.” Bobby ruffled Jack’s hair and stood up. “Pack ya shit, man. We’ll head out tonight, so I can meet ’em.”

Jack watched as Bobby walked out of his bedroom. He lowered his eyes when the door closed, before looking out the window and watching the rain. Clara had been the bassist of the band. Jack couldn’t think of any reason why someone would want to kill her, though. She was a sweet girl with a big heart. She helped out her friends whenever she could and sometimes, even when she couldn’t.

With a sigh, Jack fell to the side and closed his eyes. He couldn’t shake the feeling that Death followed him, taking whoever it wanted from him. He would be damned if it took Angel, Bobby or Jeremiah from him, though.

* * *

Jack stared out the windshield of the cab as it drove towards the apartment that he once shared with Ethan. Bobby sat beside him, staring out the window and trying to see the big deal about New York. As the cab pulled over, Jack blinked and tried to keep his thoughts in order. Bobby paid and they slipped out, staring up at the apartment building. Jack inhaled deeply and walked in, heading for the elevators.

Once on the fifth floor, Jack led Bobby to the apartment and knocked. The door was opened a few seconds later and Ethan grinned. “Jack, you made it!” he said as he went to hug Jack and stopped when he saw Bobby. “Oh, fuck. You brought Bobby…”

“You gonna invite us in?” Bobby asked and raised an eyebrow.

“Ah, yeah, sure. Come on in!”

Jack stepped to the side and let Bobby go through first, following him in. He wasn’t surprised to the see other three members in the living room. Jack knew that they wouldn’t have cleaned up the drugs that were likely displayed everywhere, as it seemed they thought he was coming in alone. He had no idea how they would’ve gotten that idea, considering he refused to go back because of his family.

“Jane, Ronnie, Chad, this is Bobby,” Jack said and then pointed them out to Bobby.

“No fucking way!” Ronny said as he jumped to his feet and stuck his hand out. “The Michigan Mauler! I thought you’d be taller…” He tilted his head.

“Don’t gotta be tall to break someone’s neck. Get the fuck away from me.”

Jack bit his lower lip, trying not to laugh at the look of fear that passed over Ronnie’s face. He forgot that Bobby had effect on people. He might not like them, but at least he didn’t put up a façade that he did. Jack left Bobby alone to look over the apartment, while he offered his condolences to Jane, as Clara was her sister. She thanked him and wiped her eyes, despite being too high to produce tears.

“Why did you bring _him_?” Ethan whispered as he used his eyes to point out Bobby.

“You expected me to travel here alone?” Jack asked as he watched Bobby move around, pausing every now and again to look at something.

“You came here alone the first time. You went back to Michigan—”

“I went _home_ , Ethan.” Jack sighed softly and shook his head, sitting down on the sofa. “Why can’t you accept the fact that I can’t come back here? We lost our _mother_ and I was shot to shit.”

Ethan rubbed his neck and looked around at the other band members. He had no idea why Jack would pick the Mercers over them, as they’d been there to mend him. “And we ain’t ya family, man?”

“No, you ain’t,” Bobby stated as he stood behind the sofa, glaring at Ethan. “And honestly, I’m kinda glad he ain’t hangin’ ’round this shithole. Where were ya when Clara was murdered?”

Jack watched Ethan’s face, especially when the eyes darted towards the bedroom that Jack used to sleep in. “I was passed out,” Ethan finally said and shrugged. “Without the lead guitarist, we weren’t gettin’ any gigs. So we decided to get high.”

With a roll of his eyes, Jack sighed and glanced at Bobby. His brother nodded, indicating they were thinking the same thing. “Some dealer killed her because she couldn’t pay, huh?” he asked as his eyes returned to Ethan. He saw the way the drummer nodded and Jack stood up. “We’re gonna head to our hotel. I’ll be there for the funeral tomorrow.”

Jack limped towards the front door, noticing the way that Ethan moved with him. He knew that Ethan was terrified of Bobby and Jack knew that was for good reason. Ethan was being overly clingy toward him and Jack was finding it irritating. He just wanted to attend the funeral and then get home, so he could work on Christmas dinner for his family, while thinking of gifts for Daniela and Amelia.

Bobby collected their bags and then Ethan said something that made Jack want to deck him. “We’ve also been duckin’ calls from Mister Q, as well. We were gonna take the job, but we needed you for the cameras and the safe,” he explained.

Jack froze and glared at Ethan, while Bobby cocked an eyebrow and tried to figure out exactly what was being said. “If I find out you’ve touched my Cayman accounts, not only will I break every fuckin’ bone in your body, but I’ll let my big brother set fire to your dumb ass.”

Shaking his head, Jack left the apartment as Ethan swore he hadn’t touched the Cayman accounts, while Bobby walked beside Jack. As soon as they were in the elevator, Bobby immediately asked, “What the fuck just happened, Cracker Jack?”

“I just found out the real reason why I was dragged back here. It doesn’t have anything to do with Clara’s funeral. They wanted me here for a job.” Jack crossed his arms over his chest, glaring at the doors of the elevator. He glanced at Bobby and smirked. “You thought I _only_ played music?”

“Actually, yeah, I kinda did.” Bobby laughed and shook his head. “Jesus fuck, Cracker Jack! Ya criminal.”

Jack shrugged and laughed. “The gigs just weren’t cuttin’ it, man. I needed something a little more substantial. I also needed to keep them quiet so I could pay Jerry back slowly for my hospital bills and physical therapy.” He sighed quietly. “In order to do that, I need a decent set up and a secure line.”

Bobby raised an eyebrow, but didn’t ask the question Jack was expecting. “You really are full of surprises, Jack. I never thought you’d be a professional thief. That seemed more like Angel.”

Jack smiled and nodded, thinking about the jewels he’d fenced and had the money dropped into three different Cayman and Zurich accounts. The downside was that he couldn’t touch that money for a little longer, as he didn’t need the government getting suspicious of him and then looking into it. He only transferred funds when he needed them. Unfortunately, he knew that if he continued to buy burner phones, his brothers would get curious and he really didn’t need them knowing about him.

The elevator door opened and they stepped out, hailing a cab. Jack asked to be taken to the first motel that came to mind. He sat back and chewed his thumb nail, staring out the window. He really didn’t want to attend the funeral, but Clara deserved an appearance, at the very least. He glanced at Bobby and saw that he was staring straight ahead, as though his mind was working on another problem.

Biting his lower lip, Jack watched Bobby for a few moments. There were questions he needed answering, but he wasn’t sure how to approach the subject, especially with a potential witness in the car. They were dropped off at the motel and Jack paid, sliding out of the cab gracefully, while Bobby went to the office and got probably the only room available.

Jack waited outside the office, ducking his head to hide his smirk when the worker glanced at him and then at Bobby. He crossed his arms and pressed his hand over his mouth, especially when Bobby shouted that Jack was his baby brother. He knew he should be hurt that Bobby still only saw him as a brother, but the fact that they looked like lovers made the situation all the more hilarious, especially when Bobby stormed out of the office and slapped Jack on the shoulder.

As soon as they were outside their door, Jack laughed and entered the room. He stared at the singe queen sized bed and raised an eyebrow. His eyes fell on the lumpy looking sofa and he decided he could take that. He went into the bathroom, grateful to see that the towels appeared clean and that the basic amenities were available. He ignored the ‘No Smoking’ signs that were up and pulled out his packet, dropping them on the bedside chest, beside the Bible.

“I shoulda punched him out,” Bobby muttered as he dropped their bags onto the bed. He turned on the TV and flipped over to the hockey game.

“C’mon, Bobby,” Jack said as he looked over his shoulder. “We don’t look like we’re related and it was kinda suspicious with me standin’ outside, waitin’ for you to get the key.” He paused and heard a woman moaning from the room beside them. “It also seems like this place is where ya go to be…subtle.”

Bobby turned the TV up as the woman got louder and rested back on his elbows. “It’d still be nice if people didn’t just _assume_ we’re lovers.”

Jack shrugged and removed his jacket and hoodie. He kicked off his shoes and went through to the bathroom, closing the door. He washed quickly and let the hot water fall over his tense and sore muscles. He hated sleeping on buses, as they were super uncomfortable. He reminded himself that he only had to do it one more time, before he was home and back in his bed.

He wasn’t sure how much time passed when Bobby pounded on the door and said he was going out to grab some food. Jack turned off the shower and rubbed his eyes. He felt like shit. All he wanted to do was dress and pass out for the next day, so he wouldn’t have to make awkward small talk with Bobby while they were confined to such a small area. The death of a friend had kind of taken away his brazen attitude toward telling Bobby how he felt about him.

It didn’t seem to help that every time he wanted to, something always reminded him that Bobby would never see him as anything more than his baby brother. He wrapped a towel around his hips and stepped out of the bathroom, frowning when he found his bag missing. He sighed and opened Bobby’s bag, pulling out a pair of jeans and a sweatshirt, wondering how Bobby could’ve mistaken their bags. Jack was still using the backpack he brought to the Mercers’.

He shook his head as the jeans almost refused to stay on his body, with Bobby’s broader body being even more of a pain than Jack remembered. The sweatshirt swam on him and he raised an eyebrow. Bobby was goin to be pissed to see that Jack was wearing his favorite sweatshirt, but he could deal with it. If Bobby hadn’t taken his bag, he wouldn’t be wearing his brother’s clothing.

While he waited, Jack stretched his leg and shoulder, wincing at the tightness of the muscles. He fought to keep the jeans on and looked around for _anything_ to use a belt. He went through Bobby’s bag, frowning when he found nothing. It wasn’t as though he was expecting his brother to just have a garrote in his bag, but he was expecting him to have more than one belt.

Jack bit his lower lip as he found a romance book in the bottom of the bag. He tried his hardest not to laugh out loud as he saw it was a gay romance novel. He considered shoving it back into the bag, but grabbed his smokes, stepping outside the room and lighting up. He read the blurb of the book and raised an eyebrow. It actually sounded interesting, but he really didn’t think that romance novels were Bobby’s thing. He seemed more interested in destroying something.

He looked up as rain fell and raised an eyebrow. It seemed that New York wasn’t going to get a white Christmas that year. He flicked his butt into the parking lot and watched as the ember was killed by the water and smiled, going back inside and returning the book to Bobby’s bag, making sure it was at the bottom and sat on the sofa. He was grateful to know that the woman in the neighboring room had finished. He looked out the window of the room, watching as the parking lot started to flood a little.

Jack looked at the TV when he heard a woman screaming and cocked an eyebrow at the horror movie that was playing on the screen. “That’s right. Keep screamin’. I’m sure he’ll never find ya,” he muttered with a roll of his eyes.

He screamed as the door to the room burst open and fell off the sofa. Bobby walked in, shaking his head and then looked at Jack. He blinked when Jack growled and glared at him, before he dumped the Chinese take out on the bed, kicking the door closed and slipping off his jacket. He placed Jack’s bag on the bed and then properly looked at him, his eyebrows going up when he saw what Jack was wearing.

“What?” Jack demanded as he stood up, making sure the jeans were still on. He grabbed his bag and went through it, pulling out his deodorant.

“That’s my favorite sweatshirt,” Bobby stated as Jack sprayed himself. “And now it’s gonna smell like you, ya little fairy. I have enough guys hittin’ on me without smellin’ like one of their own.”

Jack narrowed his eyes and pulled the sweatshirt off, throwing it at Bobby. “Fuck you, Bobby.” He pulled out a shirt from his bag and winced as he moved his right shoulder in a direction it wasn’t comfortable with yet.

Bobby shook his head. “I already told ya that you ain’t my type, Jackie.”

Jack ran his hand through his hair, airing it out. “What, do you prefer bears over twinks?” he asked with a smirk, loving the way Bobby stared at him.

“You ain’t my type, meanin’ that you’re my _brother_ ,” Bobby clarified and opened the take out bag. He threw one of the boxes to Jack, along with the chopsticks. “Are you wearin’ my jeans, as well?”

Jack caught the box and chopsticks, sitting on the sofa. He looked out the window, biting his lower lip. “You took my bag, man. Did you expect me to hang around in a towel?”

Bobby pulled his chopsticks apart and smirked. “I always knew you were desperate to get into my pants, man.”

As Bobby ate, Jack stared out the window. He lowered his eyes as the rain let up, before he stood and shoved his box into Bobby’s chest and stepped out of the room. He pulled his smokes and lighter from the pocket of the jeans and lit up. Aside from having Mom threaten to slap him silly for not telling Bobby how he felt, he had Sofi riding his ass about it, as well. He knew it wouldn’t be long before Angel and Jeremiah started.

Jack swallowed and sighed out the smoke in his lungs. He kept his eyes down as a man walked by him. He glanced up when the footsteps stopped. The guy had to be in his late forties or early fifties and appeared a little more distinguished than most of the people staying there for the night. He caught Jack’s eye and smiled at him, which made Jack drop his gaze.

“Are you okay, little one?”

Jack gritted his teeth at the pet name that brought back a series of bad memories for him. “I’m fine, thanks,” he replied and flicked the ash off.

“Are you sure? You seem a little down.”

Jack nodded and offered the man a smile, hoping that would make him continue on his way. It was clear he was there on business. “Yeah. Just a small fight with my lover,” he lied and nodded towards the door of the room.

“Ahh,” the man said with a small smile. “I hope he or she come their sense soon. You have a good night.”

As the man nodded his head politely, Jack watched him go and flicked the end of his cigarette into the parking lot. He swallowed again and shook his head, tilting it back and staring at the porch support. He sniffed and went back into the room as Bobby was pulling his damp shirt off. Jack stared at the muscles on the back; watching and loving the way they moved beneath the skin. He turned away as his felt his cock stirring in his pants and rested his forehead against the door.

“You okay, Jackie?”

Jack nodded and tried not to think about how nice Bobby’s voice sounded. “Yeah, man. Didn’t know you’d be undressin’.”

“I’m ’bout to hit the shower. You want the bed?”

Jack shook his head, moving away when he felt Bobby’s hand on his neck. He was tired of that touch only ever meaning what it did. He wanted to feel Bobby’s hand there, keeping him in place during a kiss. He figured that he was going to be slapped silly by a ghost and a passionate Hispanic woman. By the time both of them were through with him, he doubted he’d know which way was up.

“What’s wrong, Jack?”

“I’m just tired, Bobby.”

“Okay,” Bobby said softly and Jack felt his heat disappear from his back. “Why don’t you get some sleep, then? I’ll try to be quiet.”

Jack nodded and stepped over to the sofa. He relaxed when he heard the bathroom door close and grabbed his bag. He stepped out of Bobby’s jeans and into a pair of sweatpants, before he grabbed his jacket and dropped it on the sofa. He took two of the four pillows from the bed and lied down on the sofa, draping his jacket of his torso and watching the horror movie that was still playing.

He focused entirely on the movie, not wanting to think about the fact that Bobby was naked, only a few feet from him. He turned his back to the room and pulled his knees to his chest, closing his eyes and forcing sleep to take him. He was unaware of Bobby stepping out of the room with a towel around his hips and looking over at him. He was unaware that Bobby had pulled the cover off the bed and placed it over his sleeping form. He was unaware that Bobby stroked his hair gently, before he dried, dressed and went to bed.

Jack woke a few hours later, holding his right shoulder and breathing heavily. He blinked the tears from his eyes and sat up. He attempted the massage the muscle that was tensing up with every breath and bit his lower lip. He looked over at the bed, debating if he should take Bobby up for a massage, but pushed it to the side. He couldn’t wake his brother every time his shoulder decided to play up. He wasn’t going to be that much of a pussy and it wasn’t like it was _that_ bad.

With a shaking breath, Jack stood up and gritted his teeth as his left leg’s muscles were locked up. He couldn’t think of any reason for them to constrict, until he realized that the blanket was on the ground and the room was almost as cold as a meat locker. He fell back down onto the sofa, which made Bobby groan softly and sit up. He looked over at the sofa immediately and was in front of Jack in the next instant.

Jack gasped as Bobby’s warm hands worked his shoulder. He tilted his head back, biting the inside of his lower lip as the muscle slowly relaxed. He winced as it rippled and his shoulder leveled out. He sighed and rolled it, raising an eyebrow as Bobby worked on his leg. Once that one was relaxed, Bobby stood up and told him to take a warm shower as he was as cold as a corpse.

Not bothering to argue, Jack nodded and headed into the bathroom, after grabbing his towel. He had a quick warm shower and stepped out, wrapping the towel around his hips. He pulled on the sweatpants and his shirt, before leaving the bathroom. He was shoved onto the bed and tucked in, before Bobby went over to the sofa and collapsed onto it.

Jack glanced at his older brother, wondering how he always knew what was wrong with his brothers. He nestled down a little more and watched as Bobby’s chest rose and fell with each deep breath. He watched as Bobby’s head turned to him and told him to go to sleep, as it was still creepy to see his little brother watching him sleep in the middle of the night. Jack laughed and closed his eyes, not caring that two tears slipped from his eyes at the memory. The first time he saw what his brothers were truly like on Mom’s birthday.

“I love you, Bobby.”

“I love you, too, baby brother.” That brother part was starting to get very annoying.

* * *

 

Jack woke up slowly, listening to Bobby talking to someone. He was on his stomach with his hands under the pillow. He raised his shoulder and looked over his shoulder, watching as Bobby paced the length of the room from the door to the bathroom, talking to someone on his cell phone. When he saw that Jack was awake, he told the other that he had to go and hung up.

“Good mornin’, sleepin’ beauty!”

Jack blinked and moved to his knees, running his hands through his hair. He looked at the clock on the bedside chest and saw that it was just past nine in the morning. He rolled his right shoulder, grateful to feel that it was fine, but he found that he must’ve slept violently as his left arm was out of his shirt. He yawned and pulled it off, heading into the bathroom and found his toothbrush waiting for him. He brushed his teeth and washed his face.

Feeling a little more human, Jack left the bathroom and accepted the coffee that Bobby handed him. He sat down on the bed, taking a mouthful. “Who was on the phone?” he asked as he pulled out jeans and a fresh shirt, in preparation for the funeral.

“Jerry. He was a little worried that we wouldn’t be back in time for Christmas.” Bobby ran his eyes over Jack’s body. “You look like shit, you little fairy.”

Jack glared and finished his coffee, before grabbing his clothing and going into the bathroom. He changed and walked out, pulling his shoes on. He grabbed his coconut oil and ran it through his hair, ignoring the way Bobby snickered at him. He yawned and stretched, frowning as Bobby gazed at the tattoo between his hips. He really wanted to ask about it, but then he shook his head, as if reading Jack’s mind.

With a shrug, Jack grabbed his jacket and bag and walked out of the room, heading for the office. Bobby handed over the key and they had the manager phone for a cab. They stood in silence and Jack pulled on his fingerless gloves, wondering why they weren’t talking. He glanced at Bobby, trying to remember if he’d thanked his brother for his help in the morning.

The cab pulled up and they got in, Jack telling them which cemetery they needed. He sat back, pulling his right knee to his chest, watching as they drove through the city and to the cemetery that Clara was being buried at. He asked the driver and Bobby to wait, as he was only goin to pay his respects and then leave. He didn’t want to spend too much time around the others, especially since it seemed that her sister was drowning out the pain with drugs.

Jack gave the band members a hug and told them that he couldn’t continue his life of crime, due to being shot and that his right arm and left leg would never be as strong as they were before. Jumping from buildings and evading the cops was never going to happen again. That seemed to finally get through to Ethan, as he nodded and said that he would be sorely missed. Jack smirked. He knew he would be missed by them, as he was the best safe cracker they had and he could pick a lock in seconds.

Before he left, Jack told Ethan to tell their fence to start funneling the money from his Zurich account into his bank. Ethan swore he would and Jack said he’d call him if he ever needed them for anything. He gave them all another hug and went back to the cab. He paused and looked back at them, feeling as though his time in New York was a dream, especially when he saw Ethan on his cell phone. He knew his brothers, even Bobby, probably wouldn’t believe that he’d managed to rack up millions from stolen loot.

As much as he loved his brothers, they still refused to see him as anything except that timid boy that Evelyn brought home. He was the only one of his brothers that managed to get into the school without breaking a window. He was the only one that was able to hack the system and get the emails of the faculty and blackmail them. He also learned that his English teacher was in therapy twice a week because of what Bobby did to him. Principal Headley was both scared and in awe of Bobby and his ability to destroy something so thoroughly. The cafeteria ladies loved Angel.

Thanks to the guise of the band, they were able to go all over the country and hit any place they wanted. Jack honestly couldn’t understand why some places didn’t keep up to date with security systems. He wasn’t going to complain, though. He loved the jeweler stores that thought they could get away with just a sign. He knew they soon learned that a sign wouldn’t cut it, especially when the place was staked out. He smiled as he remembered some of the heists and slipped into the cab.

“Everythin’ okay, Jackie?” Bobby asked as he glanced at his brother.

Jack watched as the grave got smaller and smiled forlornly. “It will be.” He placed his head on Bobby’s shoulder for a moment. “Thanks for coming with me, man.”

Bobby ruffled Jack’s hair and then groaned as he remembered the oil his baby brother used to style it. He wiped his glove on his jeans and shook his head. “Ya gotta stop bein’ such a fairy, Jack. I dunno how I’mma handle this shit, man.”

Jack shrugged as he straightened and stared out the window. The driver asked where they wanted to go and Jack told him to take them to the airport. Bobby frowned at him and Jack smirked. “My pay from Zurich is comin’ in,” he said simply and Bobby cocked an eyebrow.

“Cayman _and_ Zurich?” Bobby whispered and Jack nodded. “How much do you actually have, Jack?”

“I don’t think that’s important, Bobby.” At the glare from Bobby, Jack sighed. “I got enough to take care of the family for a long while, man. Providing no one gets hooked on coke or heroin.”

Bobby stared at Jack, as though unable to believe he was looking at his little brother. “What the fuck did you do here, Jackie?”

Jack shrugged, plucking at the frayed edges of the denim on his knee. “I needed to make sure that I was able to take care of myself. I’m kinda pissed that I went into a coma for that long.” He sighed and tilted his head back. He glanced at Bobby and glared as he was still staring at him. “What?”

Bobby shook his head. “I just wanna know who the fuck you are and where you’ve put my baby brother,” he stated with a slight shrug. “You really ain’t that scared that kid Ma brought home eleven years ago, man.” Sorrow passed through his eyes for a moment, before he looked out his window. “She’d be proud that you kept it non-violent.”

“Kept what non-violent? There were still some guards that needed to be knocked out.”

Bobby smirked and glanced at his brother. “Yeah, but ya didn’t kill while gettin’ what ya wanted.” He lowered his eyes and sighed as the cab pulled into the airport. He opened the door and got out, waiting for Jack.

They went into the airport and Jack got their tickets back to Detroit. They had a two hour wait, so he sat down and waited. He watched the people that were in the building. “You killed people?” he asked suddenly, more shocked that Bobby was expecting the question.

“Someone like me…” Bobby slipped his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “I think my job title was ‘information broker,’ at one stage. Bustin’ heads and takin’ names. My temper was in high demand for a little while, while you were here. Guess I shouldn’t’ve been surprised to know that another Mercer was a thief.”

“Information broker…” Jack lowered his eyes, remembering what the what the job entailed. “How the fuck did you go through that kind of money?”

“I didn’t,” Bobby answered as he kicked his feet onto the table in front of him. “I put that shit into a Swiss bank account, only to be touched if I die. It goes to whoever’s left.”

Jack laughed, slumping in the chair. “Yeah, same here. That’s one of my Cayman accounts. Guess I shoulda died that day, huh?” He looked at Bobby, his eyes dancing, which died the moment he saw Bobby’s dark expression. “I was joking, Bobby.”

They fell into silence for a long while. Jack had no idea why Bobby couldn’t joke and laugh about life and death, but figured it had something to do with him killing people for a living at one stage. He glanced at his brother and found that he had his eyes closed, dozing. He thought about the way Bobby was, with his sixth sense for knowing when something wasn’t right. When Jack had vanished from the house, he knew that Bobby grabbed the gun first.

His oldest brother seemed to know when something bad was going to happen. He was always prepared for the worst and Jack wondered what kind of toll that took on him. He never leaned on anyone for support, but he carried the weight of the responsibilities of his past mistakes with him. He carried the weight of the responsibilities of Jack’s recovery and fixing up the house. He watched as Bobby’s eyebrow went up when he felt Jack staring at him.

Before he could say anything, their flight was called and Bobby opened his eyes. They headed towards their gate and boarded. Bobby smirked and winked at the flight attendant, which made Jack glare at her. He sat beside Bobby, staring out the window. He buckled up when told to do so and gripped the armrest, trying to steel his nerves. He really didn’t enjoy flying.

Thankfully, the flight was short. He pulled his feet onto the seat and rested his chin on his knees, staring ahead. He heard Bobby chatting up the flight attendant and closed his eyes. He sighed and opened his eyes, turning his head to look at the clouds. He had no doubt that Bobby was going to take the flight attendant to bed, which was something that Jack refused to think about. It made his stomach knot up and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat, not sure if he was going to be sick or not.

Once the plane landed, a snowstorm was coming through. Jack sighed and stood up, wanting to get off the plane as quickly as possible. He wanted to run through the building, but the cold was making that impossible. He did walk off as Bobby was giving his number to the flight attendant and telling her to call him when she had a layover. Jack lowered his head, pushing his way through the crowd in front of him. His hands worked automatically and he lifted wallets and purses.

Outside, Jack closed his eyes and breathed out. He got into the first cab and gave him the address as he slipped the wallets and purses into his bag. He knew that the cards would be canceled and cash wasn’t that big, anymore. He could live with that, though. He ignored the driver that tried to make small talk with him and instead watched as the streets moved by. He had no idea how many times he had to tell Bobby he loved him before it sank in.

He used the cash in one of the wallets to pay the driver when he was dropped off and got out. He went up to the front door and went inside, resting against the closed door. He looked up when Angel stood at the top of the stairs, confusion on his face that Jack was alone. He shrugged and went through to the kitchen, checking the wallets and purses. He took the cash and went into the backyard, knowing the best thing would be to burn them. He knew Angel had seen him with the wallets and purses, but he wasn’t about to explain himself. All he wanted to do was destroy something.

“What happened, Jackie?” Angel asked as he watched his little brother pour gas on the wallets and purses. His eyebrows went up as he set them on fire, the beer he had for Jack forgotten.

“Nothin’, man. Just attended a funeral is all.”

“And… _they_ came from where?”

Jack shrugged and watched as the leather melted and curled, popping and snapping. He tensed when he heard Bobby yelling his name and glared at the small fire. Jack grabbed the spare beer bottle and threw it at the boundary fence, which made Angel raise his hands and back away slowly. Jack ignored the pain from his shoulder at the throw and glared over his shoulder when he heard Bobby at the backdoor.

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ, Jack!” Bobby shouted as he kicked the snow onto the fire and then glared at Angel. “Why didn’t ya stop this?”

With the fire out, Jack went back into the house. He grabbed a beer from the fridge and went up to his bedroom. He slammed the door and slid down it, opening the bottle and drinking the beverage quickly. He closed his eyes and sighed, suddenly wishing he’d stayed in New York. He might not be of use to them during a heist, but he could still play the guitar and help them plan the best way to break in. Hell, he could even teach a couple of them how to pick a lock.

He groaned quietly when Bobby pounded on the door. “Jack, open the door before I break it down.”

“Drop dead, Bobby.”

Jack winced as Bobby forced the door open. He stood up, rubbing his lower back and glaring at his older brother. The look was returned with more venom than Jack’s ever seen before. “The fuck did you just say to me, you little fairy?”

“I told ya to drop dead! Ya hard of hearin’ or somethin’?” Jack put the bottle down before he busted it over Bobby’s head. He really didn’t want anyone in the hospital because of a small dispute. He was surprised that the cops hadn’t been called because of the fire

“What the fuck happened?” Angel demanded as he stood behind Bobby. Jack was wondering where he was. “Jackie, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing! I’m gettin’ fuckin’ tired of that question, though! If anythin’ was wrong, I’d tell ya!”

“No, you wouldn’t!” Bobby countered and narrowed his eyes. “You think you can handle everythin’ alone, until you blow up or do somethin’ equally as stupid!”

“Well, I’m sorry that you don’t like how I deal with shit, Bobby! But guess what? What _I_ go through is none of your fuckin’ business, until I make it your fuckin’ business!”

Bobby growled and was restrained by Angel when he tried to step up on Jack. “You can fling that shit ’round all ya want, Jack, but it still ain’t fuckin’ fly here! We’re _family_ or did you forget that?!”

Angel’s eyes widened and he pulled Bobby out of the room as Jack tried to step up on Bobby. He got between the pair of them. “What the fuck is wrong with you two?” he demanded, raising his voice. “Ya both fightin’ like an old married couple, but none of y’all are sayin’ what ya wanna!”

“He fuckin’ started it,” Jack said sulkily and winced as Angel slapped him upside the head.

“You ain’t twelve anymore, Jack!” Angel turned and looked over Bobby’s head when the front door slammed. “Thank fuck,” he said when they heard Jeremiah’s voice.

Jeremiah went up the stairs and instantly felt the tension. “Get ya asses down to the living room!”

Bobby muttered and went down the stairs. Jack glared at Jeremiah, refusing to leave his room. He struggled against Angel as he was picked up and slung over his shoulder. He dropped onto the sofa, beside Bobby. Angel and Jeremiah stood in front of them, looking between the pair, before they both asked the same question at the same time.

“The fuck is wrong y’all?”

Jack glared at the coffee table, trying to keep his anger up. It was fading fast and the urge to cry was beginning to take over. Bobby sighed. “I don’t what the fuck ya talkin’ ’bout,” he said with a shrug.

Jeremiah crossed his arms over his chest. “Of course ya don’t, Bobby! Try usin’ the brains God gave ya, then! I get a call sayin’ that Jack took a page from _your_ book and set fire to a bunch of wallets and purses! What the fuck happened in New York?”

Angel looked between his brothers on the sofa and shook his head. “How many times do y’all need to be told?” he asked and kicked the coffee table, which made Jack jump. “Just fuckin’ tell each other!”

Jeremiah sighed and closed his eyes for a moment. When he opened them, he ran his hand over his head. “The last one of y’all did somethin’ stupid, it ended with _both_ of ya leavin’ and never showin’ ya faces around here again for _five years_!”

Jack flinched and stood up. “I really don’t wanna deal with this shit!”

“Too fuckin’ bad, little brother,” Jeremiah said and pushed Jack back down. “Mama always said you two were too stubborn to see the wood through the trees! Y’all both wanted the other to see what was happenin’, but didn’t do nothin’ ’bout it!”

“I fuckin’ refuse to go down that road,” Bobby stated with a shrug. “If he wants to PMS about everythin’ little thing, that’s his choice!”

Jack gritted his teeth and stood up, as did Bobby. They glared at each other. “Ya know what? Fuck you, Bobby! I’ve had to deal with your shit for the last eleven years of my life!”

“You make it sound like it’s a fuckin’ bad thing, Jack! Would you prefer if I just beat the fuck outta ya? Ya seem to enjoy that! I’ve done _everythin’_ I could to make sure no one hurt you again! I killed your father, your rapists and the fuckin’ Pescatelli family! I have a giant fuckin’ target on me because of the shit I’ve done for _you_ and you can’t even fuckin’ thank me for it!”

“Oh, thank you for the shit you did of your own accord? Well, why the fuck should I stop there, huh? Perhaps I should thank you for abandoning me! Amazin’ how everythin’ that happened to me happened _because_ of _you_! I get my fuckin’ head kicked in on my first day of school? You put that fucker’s brother in the hospital! You knew I wasn’t comfortable around you, so what do you do? You fuckin’ sleep on my bed! You make enemies with some gang leader and they kick the shit outta me to punish you! How the fuck is _any_ of that fair on me?!”

Jack panted and stepped back, his legs trembling. He couldn’t bring himself to look at Bobby, knowing that he basically blamed every wrong doing in his life on his older brother. He was about to collapse when he felt Angel’s arm around his waist, keeping him upright. He shivered and looked up, seeing the one thing that he never wanted to see on Bobby. He looked broken. He wasn’t angry or sad, he was just broken.

“Bobby,” Jeremiah said softly and placed a hand on Bobby’s shoulder.

Blinking, Bobby looked up at Jeremiah and a spark of anger entered his life. “What?”

“Is there anythin’ else ya wanna say? If not, y’all better hug this shit out, man.”

Bobby turned his eyes to Jack. “Nah, I got nothin’ else to say. Except — Jesus fuck! You sound _just_ like me when you’re angry, you little fairy!”

Jack laughed and walked over to Bobby, hugging him tightly. “I’m sorry, man.”

Bobby patted Jack on the back. “Don’t be, man. You hold onto your anger and pain for so long that if you don’t explode…” He trailed off and shook his head. He pushed Jack back. “I keep tellin’ ya to release the pressure, Jack. I know ya pretty, but you ain’t dumb.”

Angel and Jeremiah exchanged glances. “ _Now_ will y’all tell each other?!” they demanded, rolling their eyes at the confusion expressions from their brothers. Jeremiah shook his head and continued on. “Y’all have been in love with each other for the last eight years and y’all can’t see it!”

“Just fuck already,” Angel begged and sighed. “We _don’t_ care who y’all love, as long as ya happy and they treat ya right!”

Jack’s mouth fell open and Bobby shook his head. “He’s my _brother_ ,” they declared and stepped back from each other, which only caused Angel and Jeremiah to groan.

“If y’all don’t kiss right now, I’mma burn the fuckin’ house down with you in it!” Jeremiah threatened and rubbed his eyes. “We ain’t gonna keep doin’ this shit, man. Jack, why’d ya leave?”

Jack lowered his eyes and shrugged, trying to ignore the curious looks from his brothers. “I figured it was time _I_ left the nest, since everyone else had.”

“Bullshit!” Angel snapped and slapped Jack upside the head. “You left because Bobby brought home some floozy and you didn’t want to live the pain.”

Jack’s eyes widened and he stared at Angel. “Mom told ya, huh?”

“Every time I tried to get a hold of ya in New York, ya were never at the apartment,” Angel explained and rubbed his neck. “We’ve had to watch this tragedy play out for the last eight years. You mopin’ ’round because Bobby wasn’t here. Bobby mopin’ ’round because you weren’t here no more.”

“I wasn’t mopin’,” Bobby stated. “Worryin’, sure. My baby brother was in New York without us, man.”

Jeremiah rolled his eyes and slapped Bobby upside the head. “Just because Ma ain’t here gives ya no reason to start lyin’, man. We’re gonna leave, so y’all can have some privacy talkin’ this through. Y’all have been so unhappy because ya think that there’s somethin’ wrong with it. Did none of ya stop to think that maybe this is why y’all were brought together as brothers?”

Jack frowned, thinking those words through as Angel and Jeremiah left the house. Bobby scoffed. “Do ya believe that?”

With a sigh, Jack looked at Bobby. “He isn’t wrong, Bobby. I _do_ love you like that, man. I just…didn’t want ya to hate me, so I just…buried it. But then I’d get so… _angry_ and _hurt_ when you hooked up with someone.” Bobby stared at him and Jack lowered his eyes. “I’m sorry.”

Bobby narrowed his eyes and slapped Jack upside the head. “ _Never_ apologize for what you feel, ya little fairy. Ya really don’t learn, do ya?” He smiled and rested his hand on the nape of Jack’s neck.

Jack closed his eyes, enjoying the feeling and resting his forehead against Bobby’s. “I love you, Bobby,” he said.

“I love you, too, Jack.”

The stress finally broke and Jack tilted is head, pressing his lips to Bobby’s. He didn’t care that tears were falling from his closed eyes. All he could focus on was how good a kisser Bobby was and that his tongue was so talented as it slipped into his mouth. He pulled back and buried his face into Bobby’s shoulder, letting all the welled up emotions go.

Bobby held him as he cleansed his body and kissed the side of his head. “You’re gonna be sparklin’ like a fairy again,” he said and Jack laughed through the tears. “Once a Mercer—”

“Always a Mercer.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for readin'! I hope y'all enjoyed it. I know I had a blast writin' it. Really glad I went with this endin' instead of the original, as that was just a downer. Keep the love alive!  
> Until the next one!  
> Peace.
> 
> Auska.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! This idea would not leave me alone, so I decided to just get it out. Please leave a comment or a kudos if you enjoyed it! Next chapter should be out within the next few days, god willing.
> 
> Until the next one!  
> Peace.
> 
> Auska.


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